A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Fur Real Pet Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Just Play
Plastic Oracle Predicts Treats with Uncanny Accuracy
★★★★☆
Just Play
Canine Impostor Silenced; Its Off-Switch Mastered
★★★☆☆
Just Play
Peanut the Puppet Lacks the One Thing That Matters
★☆☆☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Little Live Pets
Mango the Monkey Absorbs Human Fuss So Pete Need Not
Our critic recognizes the babbling electronic monkey as a strategic lightning rod for his human's most tiresome impulses, granting it a stay of execution as a magnificent babbling decoy.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My Human, in a fit of what I can only describe as questionable judgment, has acquired an artificial primate named "Mango." This contraption, a product of the "Little Live Pets" brand, appears to be an electronic attention-vampire for the smaller, louder humans. It boasts over 50 sounds, a mechanically moving mouth for feigning sustenance, and hands designed…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Little Live Pets My Baby Monkey Mango - Interactive Plush Toy, 50+ Sounds & Reactions, Moving Mouth, Bottle Feeding, Thumb Sucking, Grippy Hands & Feet, Soft Cuddly Stuffed Animal – Gift for Kids 4+
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
An excellent decoy. My freedom is secured.
From The Desk
Image of Just Play furReal Daisy The Yoga Goat Interactive Toy, 11-inch Realistic Plush, Kids Toys for Ages 4 Up
Just Play
Flatulent Goat Earns Tolerance as Nap Soundtrack

So, the Human has deigned to present me with a mechanical goat. A goat. Ostensibly, its purpose is to perform "yoga," a series of rudimentary stretches that I, in my infinite feli…

★★☆☆☆ — A flatulent acolyte. Tolerated for the music.
More From The Desk
Image of Little Live Pets My Really Real Puppy - Patches The Beagle | Interactive Toy with 60+ Sounds, Soft Fur, Blinking Eyes, Feeding Sounds, 2-in-1 Carrier Bed, Secret Birthmark & Adoption Certificate
Little Live Pets
Silent Dog Blinks Back; Carrier Scheduled for Annexation

So, the human has procured a mechanical canine imposter from a company called "Little Live Pets," a name that is, in itself, a paradox. This… thing… …

★★★☆☆
Image of furReal Newborns Kitty Interactive Pet, Small Plush Stuffed Animal Cat with Sounds and Movement, Faux Fur, Kids Toys for Ages 4 Up by Just Play
Just Play
Inferior Imposter Appointed First Silent Acolyte

So, the Human has procured a mechanical effigy of kittenhood, a 'furReal Newborns Kitty' from a company whose name, "Just Play," reeks of a fundament…

★★★☆☆
Image of furReal Snackin’ Sam the Bronto Interactive Toy 11-inch Plush with Motions and Sounds, Kids Toys for Ages 4 Up by Just Play
Just Play
Dinosaur's Twitching Tail Betrays Its Single Weakness

My human seems to believe that any object labeled "interactive pet" is a suitable companion for a feline of my stature and intellect. This "Snackin' …

★★☆☆☆
Image of furReal Walk-A-Lots Bernedoodle Interactive Toy, 8-inch Walking Plush Puppy with Sounds, Faux Fur, Kids Toys for Ages 4 Up by Just Play
Walking Impostor Toppled and Repurposed as Lumpy Pillow

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented this... *thing* for my consideration. It appears to be a plush effigy of a Bern…

★★☆☆☆
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