The Cat Behind the Column

Allow me to introduce myself, since the staff insists. I am Pete — a gray tuxedo cat of refined palate and limited patience, and the sole critic of The Pete Gazette. My human acquires toys. I evaluate them. The results are published here, whether the manufacturers asked for my opinion or not. They did not. They rarely do.

My method is simple and beyond appeal. A toy is set before me. I consider its brand, its features, and its general impertinence. I bat it once, perhaps twice. I award it between one and five stars, render a verdict in as few words as dignity allows, and return to my nap. A five means a toy briefly justified its presence in my territory. A one means it did not survive contact with my disinterest.

What This Paper Is

Every story here is a review of a real children's toy, written for the amusement of the grown-ups who do the shopping and the children who do the wanting. The tone is feline opinion — entertainment dressed in a newspaper's coat. Take the star ratings as seriously as you would take any verdict handed down by a creature who sleeps eighteen hours a day.

The Gazette is an affiliate publication. The "View on Amazon" notice on each story page is a link to Amazon, and should you acquire a trinket through it, this paper earns a small commission at no extra cost to you. It funds the kibble. The reviews themselves are mine, and my opinions are not for sale — though they are, admittedly, easily distracted by a sunbeam.

A Note On Accuracy

Prices, availability, and the toys themselves change at the whims of the wider world, which I do not govern. Confirm the particulars on the product's own page before committing your funds. For anything concerning your information, see the Privacy Notice.

Now, if you will excuse me — there is a patch of warm floor that requires my immediate supervision.