A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Slide Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Swing-N-Slide
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★★★★☆
GIGAMIC
GIGAMIC Cards Are a Stradivarius of Percussive Whispers
★★★☆☆
Moose
Flipslide Rendered Obsolete Without Solving a Single Puzzle
★☆☆☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Little Tikes
Eyesore Redeemed by One Silently Efficient Toboggan Run
Our critic dismisses the Little Tikes First Slide as an assault on feng shui but returns at midnight, mounts the platform, and executes a smooth gravity-assisted dismount with a perfect landing.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has acquired a large, garishly colored plastic ramp. It's apparently designed for the "toddler," the small, loud human who occasionally stumbles through my domain. They call it a "First Slide." Its construction seems laughably simple—a smooth, three-foot incline leading to an abrupt stop on my floor. W…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Little Tikes First Slide for Kids, Easy Set Up for Indoor Outdoor, Easy to Store, for Toddlers Ages 18 Months - 6 years
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
An eyesore that has proven its utility
From The Desk
Image of Little Tikes First Slide (Blue/Green)
Little Tikes
Aesthetic Travesty Earns a Second Unsolicited Run

My human has, with a great deal of clattering and self-congratulation, erected a monument to primary-colored plastic in the middle of my living room. They call it a "slide," appar…

★★★☆☆ — Permitted to stay as transport infrastructure
More From The Desk
Image of XDP Recreation Water Wave Slide Plus for Kids Ages 3-8, 6 Foot - Freestanding Outdoor Waterslide w/Built-in Adjustable Sprinkler & Ground Tarp, Wet or Dry Summer Backyard Fun
XDP RECREATION
The Weeping Blue God Gets Its Own Wet Religion

My human has presented me with schematics for what they call the "XDP Recreation Water Wave Slide." From my analysis, this is a large, garishly color…

★★★☆☆
Image of Swing-N-Slide NE 4699-T Super Summit Slide 3 Piece Plastic Scoop Slide for 5' Swing Set Deck Heights, Green
Swing-N-Slide
Conquered by Climbing Up Instead of Sliding Down

My human, in what I can only assume is a fit of madness brought on by staring at the tiny glowing rectangle for too long, has presented me with schem…

★★★★☆
Image of OHYEMO Water Slide for Kids Backyard, Outdoor Waterslide with 3-Zone Spray Sprinkler and Ground Tarp, Summer Water Slip and Slide Game Toy for Backyard Water Fun Activities Play
OHYEMO
Soggy Cult Diversion Grants Pete Total Indoor Dominion

My human, in their infinite lack of judgment, has presented me with a product page for what appears to be a torture device. This "OHYEMO Water Slide"…

★★★☆☆
Image of Eurmax USA Universal Easy-to-Assemble Trampoline Slide Ladder, Heavy Duty Steel Trampoline Accessory Slide for Kids Climb Up&Slide Down/Black with Shoes Pocket
Eurmax
Trampoline Slide's Hidden Pocket: A Sniper's Nest Discovered

So, my human has procured a large, black ramp to attach to that ridiculous bouncy circle in the yard where the miniature humans fling themselves abou…

★★★☆☆
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