A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Hopper Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
B. toys
Pixie Dethroned and Repurposed as My Observation Deck
★★★★☆
iPlay, iLearn
One Claw, One Plug, One Deflated Dinosaur
★★★★☆
Little Tikes
Blue Anomaly Cleared for Use as Kinetic Observation Post
★★★☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: AppleRound
Captured Star Placed Under My Vigilant Supervision
Our critic interprets the swirling hop ball as a volatile celestial artifact and assigns himself its permanent cosmic guardian, tolerating its presence only as a sacred napping duty.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

Honestly, must you interrupt my deep meditation on the structural integrity of that sunbeam? Very well. The Human has acquired what appears to be a gigantic, rubbery tumor from a company named "AppleRound." Its stated purpose is to be a "Hippity Hoppity Hop Ball" for small, loud humans, an activity I find base and unnecessarily energetic. Its primary featur…

Continued on the story page →
Image of AppleRound Hippity Hoppity Hop Ball, Sit-on Bouncy Ball with Handle, 20in/50cm Diameter for Children Age 7-10, Space Hopper Hopball, Pump Included, Cloud Colors (Red & Blue)
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Worthy of vigilant supervision.
From The Desk
Image of Hopper Ball With Handle For Kids 20-inch (50cm) Bouncy Balls For Kids, Blue jumping ball for kids Kangaroo Hippity Hop Balls, Sit And Spin Bouncing Ball With Handle Bounce Ball For Kids With Hand Pump
Bedwina
The Blue Moon Conquered Without a Single Bounce

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume was profound boredom, has acquired a large, inflatable blue sphere from a company called Bedwina. It is apparently a "Hopper Ball," an…

★★★☆☆ — An adequate pedestal for kings.
More From The Desk
Image of iPlay, iLearn Bouncy Pals Hopping Unicorn Horse, Toddler Girl Inflatable Bouncing Animal Hopper Toy, Outdoor Indoor Plush Ride on Bouncer, Baby Birthday Gift 18 Month 2 3 4 Year Old Kid - Unicorn
iPlay, iLearn
Purple Unicorn Declared a Vanquished and Acceptable Foe

My human, in a clear lapse of judgment, has brought a large, inflatable ungulate into my domain. The brand, "iPlay, iLearn," suggests a tedious and o…

★★★☆☆
Image of INPANY Bouncy Horse Hopper Toys, Toddlers Bouncing Farm Animals, Inflatable Jumping Hopping Horse, Ride on Rubber Bouncer for Kids, Outdoor Indoor Cool Birthday Gifts for 2 3 4 Year Old Girl Boy
INPANY
Blue Suspect Cleared, Promoted to Elevated Watchtower

My human has presented me with schematics for a large, inflatable equine meant for the small, loud human. According to the manufacturer, a no-name ou…

★★★☆☆
Image of ZOOJOY Hopper Ball, Hopping Toys for Kids, 20 inch Bouncy Ball with Handle for Boys Girls Aged 5-12, Inflatable Clouds Bounce Hopper Toy with Pump
ZOOJOY
Wobbly Planet Placed on Probation Pending Further Review

My human has presented me with what they call a "ZOOJOY Hopper Ball." From my expert analysis, it is a giant, inflatable orb designed for the smaller…

★★★☆☆
Image of AppleRound Space Hopper Ball with Air Pump: 22in/55cm Diameter for Age 10-13, Kangaroo Bouncer, Hippity Hoppity Hopball for Taller Children, Sit-on Bouncy Ball with Handle, Aurora Colors (Red & Blue)
AppleRound
Cosmic Intruder Subdued and Crowned a Plastic Planet

My human, in her infinite and questionable wisdom, has procured a colossal, rubbery orb. Apparently, it's a "Space Hopper" designed for the larger, m…

★★★☆☆
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