A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The VTech Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
VTech
Sports Center Vault Raided, Both Balls Secured by Dawn
★★★★☆
VTech
Silent Aurora Mode Outshines Every Letter and That Lion
★★★★☆
VTech
The Dashboard Is a Cold-War Threat, Not a Toy
★★☆☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: VTech
Piano Keys Cracked, Main Console Neutralized, Mission Complete
Our critic, posing as a field agent, hacks the detached walker console's piano keys to summon treats on demand and declares the device a personal broadcast system.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

So, my human, in their infinite and often baffling wisdom, has presented a VTech device clearly intended for a small, wobbly human who has yet to master the art of bipedal locomotion. It’s a plastic monstrosity on wheels, designed to be pushed by a creature with none of my inherent grace. However, I will concede a single point of interest: the front panel, …

Continued on the story page →
Image of VTech Sit-to-Stand Learning Walker (Frustration Free Packaging), Blue
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Mission success. My personal broadcast system now.
From The Desk
Image of VTech Pop-a-Balls Push and Pop Bulldozer, Yellow
VTech
A Fool Machine, but Its Balls Require Rigorous Oversight

My human, in a fit of what can only be described as profound species confusion, has presented me with a garish yellow contraption from a brand called "VTech." It appears to be a w…

★★★☆☆ — The machine's a fool; payload is worthy.
More From The Desk
Image of VTech Write and Learn Creative Center, White
VTech
Oracle Refuses My Questions, Succeeds as a Nail File

My human, in their infinite and often baffling wisdom, has procured a "VTech Write and Learn Creative Center." It's a stark white plastic rectangle t…

★★★☆☆
Image of LeapFrog 100 Animals Book, Green
LeapFrog
A Masterpiece of Auditory Failure Worth Requesting Often

My human, in a display of what I can only assume is a catastrophic misunderstanding of species, has presented me with a plastic slab clearly intended…

★★★☆☆
Image of VTech KidiZoom Smartwatch DX4, Blue
VTech
Smartwatch Fails as Command Device, Succeeds as Chin-Rest

My human seems to have mistaken me for one of the smaller, louder, and significantly less sophisticated bipeds this device is intended for. This "VTe…

★★☆☆☆
Image of VTech Chomp &Count Dino, Green
VTech
Dino Gatekeeper Guards Secrets Pete Cannot Unlock Yet

My human seems to think this garish green contraption is a suitable companion for the Small Human. It's a plastic beast from the VTech assembly line,…

★★☆☆☆
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