A Review · From: VTech
Silent Aurora Mode Outshines Every Letter and That Lion
Our critic scorns the alphabet functions and the cartoon lion but lies transfixed before the tablet's color-cycling LED glow, claiming it as a private mood lamp for superior beings.
My human, in her infinite and often misplaced wisdom, has procured a plastic rectangle clearly designed for the small, clumsy human that sometimes visits. This "VTech" contraption is an assault on the senses, a garish slab that purports to teach things like numbers and letters through a series of loud noises and flashing lights. It features a cartoon lion whose friendly demeanor is a grave insult to the dignity of the entire feline kingdom. While the cacophony of "learning" is an obvious waste of my time, I will concede that the glowing, color-changing LED screen might hold a sliver of hypnotic potential, should the device ever fall silent long enough for me to properly investigate its luminescence without getting a headache.
The thing arrived in a noisy crinkle of plastic and cardboard, a sacrifice laid at the feet of the Small Human. From my observation post atop the bookshelf, I watched with disdain as she mashed its face with her sticky fingers. A relentlessly cheerful voice blared out, celebrating the alphabet as if it were a fresh tin of tuna. "MEET THE FRIENDLY LION!" it squawked. I narrowed my eyes. That lion was no friend of mine. It was a two-dimensional mockery, a disgrace to all proud predators. The entire spectacle was beneath me, and I turned my head, presenting the scene with my elegantly furred back.
Hours later, silence descended. The Small Human had been bundled away for her nap, leaving a trail of destruction and one abandoned plastic tablet in her wake. It lay face-up on the rug, dark and quiet. A worthy adversary, perhaps, now that its obnoxious voice was silenced. I glided down from my perch, my paws making no sound on the hardwood floor. I circled the object, my white-tipped tail held low like a saber. It smelled of plastic and faintly of juice. I gave it a tentative poke with a single, extended claw. Nothing. Pathetic.
Just as I was about to dismiss it as inert junk, my paw brushed against a different button on the side. The screen flickered to life, not with a letter or a number, but with a soft, ambient glow. It shifted slowly, from a deep, calming blue to a mysterious, enchanting purple, then to a soft pink that reminded me of the inside of a seashell. There were no voices, no songs, just a silent, pulsing aurora of color. I stared, mesmerized. The world outside the glowing rectangle faded away. This was its true purpose, a secret it kept hidden from the fumbling child.
I laid down, tucking my paws under my pristine white bib, my chin resting just inches from the screen. I had conquered the beast, not by fighting its noise, but by discovering its silent, luminous soul. The alphabet and the foolish lion were merely a distraction, a garish costume for its real identity: a mood lamp of the highest caliber, designed for the quiet contemplation of a superior being. I had no intention of sharing this discovery. It was my secret now. The toy was not for the Small Human. It was for me.
Exhibit A — the specimen
The Particulars
—Add early math skills with number, order and counting games; explore days of the week and daily activities
—Enhance language skills with four letter games that teach letters, words and spelling
—Meet the friendly lion and answer his questions about animal sounds and more
—Play music and sounds with piano keys and letter buttons; change the LED screen from red to purple, blue or pink, and watch the tablet glow
—Intended for ages 2–5 years; requires 2 AA batteries; batteries included for demo purposes only; new batteries recommended for regular use
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Its silent, luminous soul belongs to me.
Filed under: VTech