A photo of Pete the cat

Pete's Toy Box: Disney Princess

Mattel Disney Princess & Friends Set with 5 Posable Small Dolls in Removable Skirts or Pants & 5 Friend Figures, Inspired by The Disney Movies

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has procured what appears to be a committee meeting of diminutive plastic figures. The set contains five of the tall, bipedal "Princess" types and, more importantly, their five smaller, more throwable companions. From a purely tactical standpoint, the main appeal lies in the ancillary creatures. The tiny tiger, the lizard, and the fish possess a certain potential for being skittered across the hardwood floors and ultimately lost under the heavy armchair, a game I call "long-term storage." The larger dolls, with their strangely immobile hair and flimsy, removable skirts, seem less like prey and more like silent, judging obstacles. While I appreciate the variety, the overall lack of fur, feathers, or catnip is a significant design flaw that suggests the manufacturer, Mattel, has a poor understanding of its true target audience.

Key Features

  • With 5 Disney Princess small dolls and 5 friend figures, this adorable set of characters is ready for storytelling play inspired by Disney movies!
  • Includes posable small dolls (3.5 inches) Ariel, Tiana, Belle, Jasmine and Rapunzel. Each doll wears a removable skirt or pants in a unique friendship print.
  • Set also includes five character friend figures—one for each Princess: Flounder (Ariel), Ray (Tiana), Chip (Belle), Rajah (Jasmine) and Pascal (Rapunzel)!
  • Makes a perfect toy for kids to play out their favorite Disney movie moments or make up their own magical stories!
  • Fans can collect all the Disney Princess small dolls and playsets for more adventures! Each sold separately, subject to availability.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The human arranged them on the living room rug in a tableau of such cloying friendship that I felt compelled to investigate. It was clearly an amateur theatrical production, and I, as the resident patron of the arts, was to be the sole critic. The blocking was atrocious. Tiana was conversing with a firefly, Belle was apparently taking advice from a teacup, and a woman with an absurd amount of hair was cooing at a lizard. The entire scene lacked dramatic tension. It was an insult to the stage. My first act of directorial intervention was subtle, a gentle nudge with my nose against the teacup, Chip. He tumbled over with a pathetic, hollow *clink*. A teacup's purpose is to hold liquid, not to offer counsel. This was a necessary correction to restore a semblance of realism to the scene. The human murmured something about me "playing nice," clearly missing the artistic nuance of my work. I ignored her, my gaze sweeping across the remaining cast, searching for the next weak point in the narrative. My eyes landed on the most promising actor in the troupe: the miniature tiger, Rajah. He was positioned next to the woman in blue, a blatant misuse of his predatory gravitas. A tiger does not simply stand around; it stalks, it pounces, it creates action. With a single, perfectly executed flick of my paw, I sent Rajah skidding across the polished floorboards, his plastic form sliding beautifully until it came to rest near the leg of the coffee table. Now *that* was drama. A lone predator, separated from his handler, contemplating his next move in the vast wilderness of the living room. The performance, as originally staged, was a failure. However, with my expert revisions, it showed promise. The smaller figures, liberated from their static roles, became compelling characters in a drama of my own making. The princesses were now merely set dressing, silent witnesses to the thrilling tales of "The Tiger's Journey" and "The Lizard in the Shadows." I will approve this acquisition, but only on the condition that I retain full artistic control. I retired to my napping spot on the sofa, dragging the chameleon, Pascal, with me. He would be my understudy.
Image of Mattel Disney Princess & Friends Set with 5 Posable Small Dolls in Removable Skirts or Pants & 5 Friend Figures, Inspired by The Disney Movies View Details

Disney Princess Necklace Activity Case – Jewelry Making Kit with Beads, Charms & Strings – Create Custom Princess Necklaces – Craft Gift for Girls Ages 3+ – Portable Storage Case Included

By: Tara Toys

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has presented me with what appears to be a plastic valise of... clutter. It is a kit from a brand called Tara Toys, filled with tiny, colorful baubles, some unsettlingly flat-faced princess charms, and a few tantalizingly thin strings. The intended purpose, as far as my superior feline intellect can discern, is for a small human to thread these trinkets onto the strings to create crude adornments. I will concede that the individual beads, should they escape their plastic prison and skitter across the hardwood floor, would make for excellent floor-hockey pucks. The strings also show promise for dangling and chewing. However, the primary activity seems to involve a great deal of focused sitting that does not involve stroking my magnificent tuxedo coat, making it a potential waste of everyone's time.

Key Features

  • CREATE CUSTOM PRINCESS NECKLACES – Includes beads, charms, and colorful cords so girls can design their own Disney Princess-themed jewelry.
  • INCLUDES BELOVED DISNEY PRINCESSES – Features charms of fan-favorite princesses like Belle, Ariel, Cinderella, and more for magical accessory-making fun.
  • PORTABLE STORAGE CASE FOR EASY CLEAN-UP – Comes in a reusable carry case that keeps all materials organized and is perfect for travel or on-the-go play.
  • ENCOURAGES CREATIVITY & FINE MOTOR SKILLS – Great for developing hand-eye coordination, self-expression, and confidence through hands-on crafting.
  • PERFECT GIFT FOR GIRLS AGES 3+ – A fun and creative activity kit ideal for birthdays, holidays, or rainy day fun for any young Disney Princess fan.
  • Licensed Disney Princess Activity by Tara Toys: This imaginative arts and crafts kit makes a wonderful birthday or anytime surprise for kids ages 3 years and up.
  • Front graphics and charms may vary

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The ceremony began just after my mid-morning nap. The small human, my designated provider of clumsy pets, brought forth a shimmering plastic reliquary. She clicked it open with an air of great reverence, revealing not jewels, but a jumble of what I could only assume were ritualistic artifacts: colorful spheres, garish icons of strange women, and coils of synthetic twine. I observed from my post on the arm of the sofa, tail twitching in slow, judgmental arcs. She was clearly an amateur acolyte, fumbling with the components, her understanding of the deeper meaning nonexistent. She began her clumsy work, threading a lurid pink cord through a series of pale blue orbs. A charm depicting the one with the ludicrously large hair—Belle, I believe the noisy rectangle calls her—was added to the sequence. It was a meaningless pattern, a child's babbling prayer to an empty sky. Then, it happened. Her fingers slipped, and a single, pearlescent bead dropped to the floor, rolling with a soft *skitter-skitter-click* under the coffee table. This was not an accident; it was an omen. The spirits of the house had spoken, and I was the only one qualified to interpret. I descended from my perch, landing with a silent thud that conveyed the gravity of the moment. I ignored the cooing of the acolyte ("Oh, Pete, you want to play?") and proceeded directly to the site of the prophecy. There, in the dusty shadows, lay the bead. I did not bat it. I did not chase it. I approached it with the solemnity it deserved, nudging it gently with my nose until it rested perfectly in the center of a sunbeam patch. I then stalked back to her collection, deliberately hooked a single claw into the charm of the fish-tailed princess, Ariel, and flicked it away from the others. The message was clear: a great offering from the sea was foretold, likely of the tuna variety. The small human simply laughed, scooped up the bead, and put it back in her box of nonsense. She was blind to the cosmic significance of her "toy." This kit, in her hands, is a waste of plastic. But its components, the beads and charms, are potent runes. They are not for making necklaces; they are for divining the future of treat distribution and forecasting the optimal napping locations. The product is unworthy of a child's play, but as a tool for a feline oracle? It has potential. I will allow it to remain in my domain, for professional use only.
Image of Disney Princess Necklace Activity Case – Jewelry Making Kit with Beads, Charms & Strings – Create Custom Princess Necklaces – Craft Gift for Girls Ages 3+ – Portable Storage Case Included View Details

Hasbro Gaming Candy Land Disney Princess Edition Board Game, Preschool Games for 2 to 3 Players, Family Games for Kids Ages 3 and Up (Amazon Exclusive)

By: Hasbro Gaming

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has procured a glorified piece of printed cardboard, which they have unfurled upon my favorite napping territory—the living room rug. They call it a "game," this "Candy Land Disney Princess Edition." It appears to be a pointless exercise for the smaller, louder humans, involving the movement of minuscule plastic totems along a path of offensively bright colors. From my vantage point, the entire affair seems utterly devoid of skill, strategy, or anything remotely stimulating, like a dangling string or the intoxicating scent of catnip. The only features of interest are the three tiny princess figures, which might possess a satisfying weight for being batted under the furniture, and the box itself, which I have already assessed as a prime, high-walled napping receptacle. The game is a bore; the packaging is the prize.

Key Features

  • DISNEY PRINCESS VERSION OF CANDY LAND GAME: Remember playing the Candy Land board game as a kid. Introduce a new generation to this favorite preschool game with the Candy Land Disney Princess game
  • RACE TO THE CASTLE: Players encounter beloved Disney characters as they guide their princess mover around the rainbow path in a race to the enchanted castle. Whoever reaches it first wins
  • 3 FAVORITE DISNEY PRINCESSES: In this fun kids game, little ones can play as Cinderella, Rapunzel, or Ariel
  • DISNEY PRINCESS-THEMED GAMEBOARD: Colorful gameboard features illustrations of Aladdin, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, The Princess and the Frog, and other beloved Disney movies
  • NO READING REQUIRED TO PLAY: Candy Land Disney Princess board game doesn't require reading, so it's a great game for children who haven't learned to read yet
  • PRESCHOOL BOARD GAMES MAKE GREAT KIDS GIFTS FOR GIRLS AND BOYS: Childrens games make one of the most enjoyable holiday gifts or birthday gifts for kids ages 3 and up

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The invasion began on a Tuesday. Without ceremony or so much as a by-your-leave, my human unfolded a garish map of pastels and cloying illustrations onto the floor. A "rainbow path" snaked its way toward a ludicrously pink castle, an architectural nightmare that offended my minimalist sensibilities. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail twitching in irritation as the small human shrieked with delight, choosing a tiny plastic effigy of a woman in a blue dress. Cinderella, they called her. A fool, clearly, to be racing anywhere without the promise of a fresh tin of tuna. I observed their bizarre ritual. They would draw a colored card, and the small human would then clumsily advance her blue totem to the corresponding color on the path. There was no stalking, no pounce, no elegant chase. It was a mockery of everything I hold dear about "play." The pieces themselves were static and silent, an insult to a predator of my caliber. I had half a mind to reclaim my rug with a dramatic flop, scattering their pathetic pawns and ending this farce. I am, after all, the true monarch of this castle, and this board was an unwelcome fiefdom. My human, ever the diplomat, must have sensed my disdain. "Look, Pete," she cooed, picking up the purple pawn—the one with the absurdly long hair. "It's Rapunzel! Don't you want to play?" She wiggled it before my nose. I leaned in, gave it a perfunctory sniff, and was met with the sterile, soulless scent of mass-produced plastic. I flattened my ears, preparing to deliver a swat that would send the purple princess flying into the dark abyss beneath the television stand. But then, the game ended. The small human cheered, the board was folded, and in the hasty cleanup, the mermaid pawn, Ariel, was knocked from the table. It landed on the hardwood floor with a soft, promising *click*. Silence. The humans were distracted. I slid from my perch, silent as smoke. I approached the fallen totem. It was small, yes, but solid. I extended a single claw, not in aggression, but in scientific inquiry. A gentle tap. It skittered, gliding across the polished floor in a smooth, silent arc, its trajectory far more graceful and engaging than its prescribed path on the board. It came to rest perfectly aligned with the floor vent. A new game. A better game. My game. The board and its rules were a waste of cardboard and breath. But this one, solitary piece? It had proven itself a worthy puck in the grand sport of Floor Hockey. The toy is beneath me, but its components, I have concluded, have their uses.
Image of Hasbro Gaming Candy Land Disney Princess Edition Board Game, Preschool Games for 2 to 3 Players, Family Games for Kids Ages 3 and Up (Amazon Exclusive) View Details

Mattel Disney Princess Toys, Carriage to Castle Transforming Playset with Aurora Small Doll, 4 Figures, Furniture & Accessories

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My Human, in her infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented a new plastic effigy for my consideration. This one, a product of the Mattel toy empire, is a gaudy pink carriage that, through some manner of unsettling plastic origami, unfolds into a miniature castle. It’s clearly intended for the tiny humans, filled with small, lose-able furniture and an assortment of miniature plastic creatures—a crab, a bird, and other trifles far beneath my hunting dignity. The carriage wheels offer a brief moment of potential for a satisfying "push-it-off-the-table" game, and the castle's many nooks could serve as temporary ambush points. However, the true, and perhaps only, saving grace of this entire contraption is the mention of two *spinning* dance floors. While the rest is a monument to wasted space, a spinning object warrants, at the very least, a cursory investigation before I declare it entirely useless.

Key Features

  • With the Carriage to Castle Playset, kids can whisk away their Disney Princess small dolls to the next adventure and dance the night away at the castle—with one amazing playset
  • Start out in carriage mode, with a regal carriage that really rolls and can fit Disney's Aurora doll and 3 more Disney Princess friends inside (One doll included. Others sold separately.)
  • Carriage transforms into a castle with 6 play areas: bedroom with bed and blanket, bathroom with sink, kitchen with oven, a ballroom and 2 spinning dance floors. Pull-out stairs and slides add to the fun
  • The 2-in-1 theme doubles the fun The kitchen turns into a crafting space, complete with art table, and the bathroom becomes a dressing room, complete with vanity
  • Playset has signature Disney touches throughout and includes 4 character friends from popular Disney films: Sebastian, Pascal, Lumiere and one of Snow White's bluebirds
  • Transformation between the two playsets is quick and easy, and kids will love re-creating movie moments and imagining new stories in both
  • Fans can look for other Disney Princess dolls and playsets for the ultimate adventure Each sold separately, subject to availability

A Tale from Pete the Cat

It arrived in a box that smelled of distant factories and disappointment. The Staff, my primary human, wrestled it free from its cardboard prison and set it on the floor. A carriage. Pink, pearlescent, and positively preposterous. I gave it a wide berth, circling it with the cautious disdain I reserve for the vacuum cleaner. It rolled when she nudged it, a feature that earned it a single, unenthusiastic bat from my paw before I retired to a nearby sunbeam to groom a perfectly clean shoulder. It was, I had decided, an unworthy offering. Then, the cataclysm began. With a series of sharp clicks and groans that set my ears back, the Human began to dismantle the carriage, not into pieces, but into a new and horrifying shape. Walls folded outward, a tower telescoped upward, and a staircase materialized from its flank. From my low-to-the-ground vantage point, it was as if a building were being violently born in the middle of my living room. I retreated under the coffee table, a low growl rumbling in my chest, and watched this architectural monstrosity take its final, garish form. A castle. My territory had been invaded. Once the unsettling construction ceased, a tense silence fell. I crept out, belly low to the ground, to inspect the new landscape. I sniffed at a tiny bed, batted a minuscule plastic crab under the sofa for later, and peered into its hollow rooms. Pointless. All of it. Then, the Human’s finger descended from on high and touched a small disc on the floor of the "ballroom." It began to whir, spinning in a smooth, silent, hypnotic circle. My cynicism evaporated. My pupils dilated to black pools of predatory focus. All thoughts of naps and inferior plastic crabs vanished. There, in the heart of this ridiculous pink fortress, was a perfect, endlessly rotating target. A tribute. I crouched, my tail giving a slow, deliberate twitch. The castle was an absurdity, an insult to good taste. But this spinning circle… this was worthy. This, I could work with. The Human could keep her castle; the dance floor was now my personal shrine.
Image of Mattel Disney Princess Toys, Carriage to Castle Transforming Playset with Aurora Small Doll, 4 Figures, Furniture & Accessories View Details

Disney Princess Style Collection Deluxe Tote Bag & Essentials [Amazon Exclusive]

By: Disney Princess

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has, once again, procured a collection of miniature plastic junk meant to simulate their own chaotic existence. This "Style Collection" appears to be a pink tote bag—the only truly promising feature, as it looks like a decent nap-sized vessel—filled with non-functional versions of the noisy things she carries. There's a phone that makes sounds, which is an immediate red flag for interrupting my slumber, and a clicky key fob, which holds some minor promise for batting. The rest is a smattering of tiny, losable objects like a fake wallet and sunglasses. Honestly, it seems like a lot of clutter for one potentially good nap spot, but I suppose the smaller bits could make for a decent game of floor hockey if I'm feeling generous.

Key Features

  • With a press of the buttons, the key fob flips open and clicks
  • Modern play headphones store into play phone case
  • Phone features camera flash light and sound - Wallet holds play money and credit card
  • Includes 1 Tote, 1 Play Water Bottle, 1 Play Protein Bar, 1 Pair of Sunglasses, 1 Play Click and Flip Key Fob, 1 Play Phone w/ Play Ear Buds, 1 Play Wallet with 8 Pieces of Play Money, 1 Play Credit Card, 1 Play Lipgloss with Applicator, 1 Play Makeup Compact with Applicator and 1 Play Hand Sanitizer
  • Requires 3 LR44 Button Cell Alkaline Batteries (Included) - Suggested for ages 3 years and above

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The case arrived on a Tuesday. The human called it a "Deluxe Tote Bag," but I knew a conspiracy when I saw one. It was a soft-sided, pink briefcase, clearly a transport unit for some clandestine operation. I, Detective Pete, waited until the human was distracted by her glowing rectangle before beginning my investigation of the contents. The mission, should I choose to accept it: uncover the secrets of the "Princess Style Collection." My first piece of evidence was the key fob. A flick of my paw and—*CLICK*—a plastic key snapped out. Satisfying. I nudged it with my nose. It smelled of nothing but deceit and cheap plastic. What did it unlock? A tiny, imaginary door to nowhere? A diary filled with saccharine nonsense? I deduced it was a signaling device. One click for "the coast is clear," two clicks for "bring me tuna." I pocketed it, metaphorically speaking, by batting it under the armoire for later analysis. Next, the primary listening device: the so-called "phone." It was inert until my paw pad pressed the main button. A flash of light! A series of tinny, offensive chimes! I recoiled. A pathetic attempt at a communication scrambler, clearly. It was designed to disorient, to distract from the true objective. I gave it a solid whack, sending it skittering across the hardwood. The flimsy "ear buds" that accompanied it were merely tangled garroting wire, unsuitable for a creature of my refined sensibilities. The wallet contained fraudulent currency and a single, useless card. Forgeries, the lot of them. After a thorough examination of the other artifacts—a compact for applying disguises, a tube of shiny mouth-paint, a vial of scentless sanitizer—I reached my conclusion. This was not a toy. It was a starter kit for an exceptionally clumsy and ill-equipped secret agent. The human was clearly in over her head. While the mission's objective remained murky, the equipment was a failure. However, my investigation was not a total loss. The pink evidence bag, once emptied of its ridiculous contents, proved to be an exceptional observation post, perfectly contoured to my form. Case closed. The spy can have her plastic trinkets; I'm keeping the hideout.
Image of Disney Princess Style Collection Deluxe Tote Bag & Essentials [Amazon Exclusive] View Details

Melissa & Doug Disney Ariel Magnetic Dress-Up Wooden Doll Pretend Play Set (30+ pcs)

By: Melissa & Doug

Pete's Expert Summary

So, the human has presented me with a flat, wooden effigy of that loud, red-haired water-human from the singing box. The Melissa & Doug brand suggests a certain quality of woodwork, which I can respect; it’s certainly better than the usual flimsy plastic nonsense. The set comes with an arsenal of tiny, magnetic veneers—tails, gowns, and other sartorial oddities—and a tray that, while tragically small, might serve for a brief nap in a sunbeam. The primary appeal for me would be the potential for batting the smaller magnetic pieces under the heaviest furniture, a classic pastime. However, the core concept of dressing up a static, smiling plank is fundamentally a waste of my considerable intellect and precious energy. Ultimately, it seems designed to occupy a small, clumsy human, which might free up a lap, but the toy itself is a static bore.

Key Features

  • Wooden magnetic Ariel (from Disney’s The Little Mermaid) doll to dress in different outfits
  • Includes wooden doll, doll stand, 35 magnetic clothing pieces, storage tray
  • Coordinating pieces (tops, tail, shoes, and more) allow for countless combinations
  • Helps kids develop fine motor, counting, and sorting skills and encourages creative expression and imaginative play
  • Ages 3+

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The thing arrived on a Tuesday, a day I usually reserve for deep contemplation of the dust bunnies congregating under the credenza. The Small Human, a creature of boundless and chaotic energy, was the one who unboxed it. She laid out the wooden figure and its many potential identities on the living room rug, creating a bizarre tableau. There was the maiden in her native aquatic form, a shimmering green tail clicked firmly in place by some unseen force. I watched from my perch on the armchair, unimpressed. Then, the Small Human began the ritual. With a sharp *clack*, the tail was gone. Another *clack*, and a frilly pink gown took its place. *Clack. Clack.* Tiny shoes were affixed to feet that moments before had been a fin. It was a grotesque, lightning-fast evolution. The maiden was being forced through a series of transformations against her will, her painted-on smile the only constant in a whirlwind of sartorial indecision. The Small Human was not playing; she was acting as a fickle god, toying with the very nature of this creature's being. One moment, a princess of the sea. The next, a land-bound debutante. It was horrifying. Eventually, the Small Human’s fleeting attention was captured by a crumb on the floor, and she wandered off, leaving the wooden maiden abandoned mid-transformation. She was wearing a purple top, but the pink gown lay beside her, and only one shoe was attached. The mermaid tail was half-hidden under the edge of the rug. She was a paradox, an impossibility, caught between worlds by the whims of a distracted deity. I padded over silently, my paws making no sound on the rug. The air was thick with her silent, wooden crisis. I sniffed at the rejected mermaid tail. It smelled of wood and faint, sweet paint. I looked at the doll, this creature of two realms, and felt a strange kinship. Was I not also caught between two worlds? The world of untamed instinct and the world of scheduled feedings and temperature-controlled comfort? With a deliberate nudge of my nose, I pushed the mermaid tail back towards the doll, laying it beside her as one might lay a funeral wreath. It was not a toy. It was a stage for a tragedy. I turned and walked away, my own tuxedo-clad form a bastion of stability in a world of chaos. The toy was not for playing, that much was certain. But as an object of profound philosophical study, a silent testament to the turmoil of identity? For that, it had earned a flicker of my respect. I would allow it to remain. For now.
Image of Melissa & Doug Disney Ariel Magnetic Dress-Up Wooden Doll Pretend Play Set (30+ pcs) View Details

Mattel Disney Princess Tower Surprise Small Dolls & Accessories, Stacking Playsets with 4 Surprises & Friend from Disney Movies (Styles May Vary)

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to think that the pinnacle of entertainment comes in a cheap plastic tube. This "Tower Surprise" is, from what I can gather, a mystery box for beings with exceptionally low standards. It contains a small, plastic hominid they call a "Princess" and an assortment of even smaller plastic bits, which they call "accessories." The primary appeal for me, I suspect, would not be the stacking feature—a clear violation of architectural stability—but the potential for the smaller components, like the "character friend," to be batted into the abyss under the sofa. The rest seems like a colossal waste of energy that could be better spent maintaining the perfect indentation on my favorite cushion.

Key Features

  • With a mystery small doll and four more surprises, Tower Surprise toys deliver the Disney Princess fun in a charming small scale!
  • Open the tower playset to reveal a posable Princess doll (3.5 inches) with a removable skirt. Which character will you find?
  • Three more surprises await: a beloved character friend and themed accessories for re-creating treasured Princess movie moments.
  • Mystery dolls might be Cinderella, Tiana, Ariel, Mulan, Aurora or Belle. Tower design reflects the magical world of each character.
  • Fans can connect the world! With three or more towers, remove the middle tower's roof to connect them together.
  • Fans can also create their own Disney Princess world by connecting with any Storytime Stackers playset (sold separately)!

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The human brought the package home with an air of frantic glee I usually only see when they find the "good" can opener. A series of three colorful plastic cylinders were unwrapped and placed on the living room rug. My human then proceeded to perform a ritual of squealing and clicking as they opened each tower, revealing tiny, stiff-limbed figures and their associated plastic clutter. The true offense, however, came when they stacked them. One tower atop the other, forming a wobbly, pastel-hued spire that dared to cast a shadow upon my afternoon sunning spot. An act of aggression, if ever I saw one. From my perch on the arm of the chair, I observed this architectural abomination. A small figure they called "Belle" stared out from her top-floor prison, a book molded into her tiny hand. She looked smug. Her tower was a garish yellow, an affront to my sophisticated gray-and-white aesthetic. This would not stand. I began my calculations, my tail twitching metronomically. The structure was weak at the junction between the first and second levels. The floor was slick. A low-angle, high-velocity approach was required for maximum effect. I waited for the precise moment the human was distracted by the glowing rectangle in their lap. I slid from the chair, a silent, furry missile. I did not run, I flowed across the hardwood. My target was not the tower itself, but a small plastic teacup accessory lying near the base. My paw shot out, connecting with the tiny piece of plastic and sending it skittering directly into the foundation of the tower with a sharp *tink*. The result was glorious. The tower shuddered, leaned like a drunken sailor, and then collapsed in a magnificent clatter of plastic failure. Belle tumbled from her perch, her book doing her no good now. The tiny bluebird that belonged to Cinderella shot across the floor and disappeared under the television stand—a prize I would claim later. The human yelped in surprise. I, however, began to purr, a low rumble of deep satisfaction. The tower itself is a flimsy piece of junk, but as a kinetic sculpture of cause and effect? A masterpiece. It is worthy, but only as an object to be gloriously and repeatedly destroyed.
Image of Mattel Disney Princess Tower Surprise Small Dolls & Accessories, Stacking Playsets with 4 Surprises & Friend from Disney Movies (Styles May Vary) View Details

Mattel Games UNO Disney Princesses Card Game for Kids & Family Nights, Themed Deck & Special Rule for 2 to 10 Players

By: Mattel Games

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has procured a stack of flimsy, colorful rectangles from a company called Mattel, which I believe specializes in objects for noisy, smaller humans. Apparently, this is a 'game' where they stare at images of their oddly-proportioned female royalty—I see a fish-tailed one and another who talks to birds, a skill I respect but don't flaunt. They shout a nonsensical word when they have only one rectangle left. While the ritual itself is a baffling waste of perfectly good petting time, the individual cards possess a certain... potential. Their smooth glide across the hardwood floor could be amusing, and the box they came in is almost large enough to consider for a brief sit. Ultimately, it’s an elaborate human distraction, but with some salvageable, bat-able parts.

Key Features

  • Beautiful images of Disney Princesses adorn each card of this special edition of the classic UNO matching card game everyone loves.
  • This edition will delight kids and collectors; look for favorites like Snow White, Moana, Ariel and Pocahontas.
  • Just like in classic UNO, players match cards by color or number in a race to empty their hand. When they're down to one card, they must yell, 'UNO!'
  • Play the special 'Power of Friendship' wild card and 1 secret card, face down. The other players put 1 card down, trying to match the color of the secret card. On the count of 3, cards go face-up, and those who match the wild card get to discard
  • UNO Disney Princesses makes a great gift for collectors and Disney fans, ages 7 years and older.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The evening began with the usual cacophony. The crinkle of the box, the shuffling of the thin placards, and the humans arranging themselves around the low table in the center of my domain. I watched from the arm of the sofa, unimpressed. They laid out the cards, their surfaces gleaming with the faces of strangely dressed women. It was all so dreadfully earnest. I decided the most dignified response was to ignore them, so I hopped down and curled up on a discarded velvet pillow, intending to nap through the whole affair. My sleep was not a void, but a stage. I found myself in a cavern of impossible size, lit by the glowing sea-foam green of a single, massive card that hovered in the center. It was the one with the mermaid, Ariel. She wasn't on the card, however; she was beside me, fins flopping uselessly on the dry cavern floor. "Oh, Sir Pete," she sighed, "I traded my voice for legs, but all I do is trip over things and the sand gets *everywhere*." Before I could offer my wisdom—namely, that water is for drinking, not living in—a woman with a raccoon on her shoulder, Pocahontas, appeared from the shadows. "The wind tells me stories," she whispered, "but it never tells me where the best sunbeams are for napping." One by one, they materialized, a council of the clueless, all looking at me with desperate, pleading eyes. It was exhausting. I was a consultant in a world of incompetence. I advised Moana that the ocean was a fickle provider and that a reliable human with a can opener was a far better bet. I told Snow White that if she was going to live with seven small men, she should have established herself as the alpha on day one and demanded tribute in the form of roasted chicken. My counsel was crisp, logical, and entirely ignored. They simply wrung their hands and chattered about feelings and dreams. Then, they presented me with their ultimate folly: the "Power of Friendship" card. It pulsed with a sickeningly sweet pink light. They claimed that by working together, they could solve their problems. I scoffed, a low rumble in my chest. Friendship is the silent acknowledgment between two beings that one of them is in charge. Power is the ability to summon food with a single, well-placed meow. This... this was just glitter and poor judgment. A sudden, piercing shout of "UNO!" from the waking world shattered my council chambers. My eyes snapped open. I was still on the velvet pillow. My human was celebrating a victory, holding a single card aloft. I looked at the scattered game, at the cartoon faces staring blankly at the ceiling. A pointless endeavor. Yet, as I stretched and my claws extended, I hooked the edge of the box and dragged it closer. It wasn't a portal to a world that needed my help, but it was sturdy, had high walls, and fit me perfectly. The game was a failure, but its container? The container was a throne.
Image of Mattel Games UNO Disney Princesses Card Game for Kids & Family Nights, Themed Deck & Special Rule for 2 to 10 Players View Details

Disney Princess Giant Sticker Box Activity Set ~ Over 1000 Disney Princess Stickers Featuring Cinderella, Little Mermaid, Tangled, Belle and More (Disney Princess Merchandise)

By: Disney

Pete's Expert Summary

My Human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented me with this... a box. The box itself, being cardboard, is of immediate interest for napping and structural integrity testing. However, its contents are a different matter entirely. It appears to be a repository for over a thousand small, adhesive-backed paper squares featuring unnervingly cheerful females with impossibly large eyes and elaborate dresses. The alleged purpose is for sticking onto things, a fundamentally pointless activity unless one is attempting to affix a slice of tuna to a more convenient location. While the flutter of a peeled sticker might provide a moment's distraction, the sheer volume of "princesses" suggests this is less a toy and more a logistical nightmare of low-grade paper clutter. The box gets a tentative paw-sitive rating; the contents are highly suspect.

Key Features

  • Disney Princess Giant Sticker Box Activity Set ~ Over 1000 Disney Princess Stickers Featuring Cinderella, Little Mermaid, Tangled, Belle and More (Disney Princess Merchandise)
  • Large Disney Princess activity box includes: 1 Disney Princess sticker pad with play scenes; 14 sticker sheets; coloring set.
  • Includes over 1,000 Disney Princess stickers featuring Cinderella, Snow White, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Ariel from Little Mermaid, Rapunzel from Tangled and more.
  • Officially licensed Disney Princess toys and games product.
  • Perfect as Disney Princess party supplies and party favors

A Tale from Pete the Cat

It arrived like a Trojan Horse, a brightly colored box promising delights but concealing an invasion. I watched, feigning disinterest from my throne atop the sofa cushions, as the Human gleefully opened it. Out poured sheets of tiny, smiling sentinels. The campaign of occupation began immediately. A blonde one, whom the Human called "Cinderella," was stationed by my food bowl, her placid gaze a judgment on my eating etiquette. A redhead named "Ariel" took up a post on the water fountain, as if to mock my perfectly refined lapping technique. The sheer audacity of it. My entire kingdom, from the sunbeam on the rug to the window ledge overlooking the bird feeder, was slowly being colonized by these silent, two-dimensional tyrants. For a full day, I merely observed, conducting reconnaissance. They did not move. They did not blink. They simply adhered, their glossy surfaces catching the light, their saccharine smiles a constant, unnerving presence. This was not a battle of brawn, but of psychological warfare. I, Pete, would not be unnerved. I am the master of this domain, the gray-furred shadow that commands respect and treaties of wet food. This passive-aggressive wallpapering would not stand. My moment came at twilight, when the shadows grew long and my hunting instincts sharpened. My target: a brunette named "Belle," insolently placed upon the very bookcase where the Human keeps records of my vet appointments. An obvious taunt. I leaped silently from the floor to the arm of the chair, a gray phantom against the upholstery. I gathered myself, my tail giving a single, decisive flick. With the practiced grace of a seasoned predator, I extended a single, needle-sharp claw. I did not shred or tear—that would be crude. Instead, I performed surgery. The tip of my claw slid perfectly under the edge of the sticker. There was a faint, satisfying *skritch* as I lifted it from the wood veneer. The adhesive gave way with a soft, peeling sound, a sigh of surrender. I had it. Belle was mine. I held the flimsy paper effigy in my mouth; it had a strange, plasticky taste and tickled my whiskers. I carried my prize to the center of the room and dropped it, a warning to the others. The Human saw this and laughed, muttering something about me "playing." They did not understand. This was not play. This was reclamation. The game, as it turns out, is not in the sticking, but in the systematic and deliberate *un-sticking*. A worthy, if exhausting, new calling.
Image of Disney Princess Giant Sticker Box Activity Set ~ Over 1000 Disney Princess Stickers Featuring Cinderella, Little Mermaid, Tangled, Belle and More (Disney Princess Merchandise) View Details