So, my Human has presented me with this... floating plastic conveyance. It appears to be a vessel for a perpetually smiling woman with impossibly good posture and her tiny, yappy-looking accomplice. The purpose, I'm told, is for "water play," a concept I find fundamentally flawed and offensive to my magnificent, dry coat. The garish pink and blue design is …
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My Human, in a clear misunderstanding of my sophisticated needs, has procured this… object. It is a rigid, plastic effigy of a half-human, half-fish …
My human seems to think that anything plastic, brightly colored, and associated with the "Barbie" brand is a suitable offering for a being of my refi…
Honestly, the sheer amount of plastic involved here is an immediate red flag. My human has brought home what appears to be a bizarre tableau centered…
My human has, for reasons beyond my comprehension, acquired a miniature, silent human effigy. It is a rigid, plastic creature with unnervingly smooth…