A photo of Pete the cat

Pete's Toy Box: Action Figure

Transformers Age of The Primes Leader Class The Thirteen Onyx Prime, 7.5-inch Converting Action Figure, Robot Toys for Ages 8+

By: Transformers

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has acquired yet another piece of articulated plastic, this one a rather dour-looking fellow they call "Onyx Prime." Apparently, it's a big deal in some robotic mythology, a "beast Prime" or some such nonsense. Its main gimmick is its ability to contort from a two-legged robot into a four-legged centaur and then a so-called "beast," a trick that seems terribly inefficient compared to my own instantaneous transitions between loaf, liquid, and attack-mode. The promise of multiple forms suggests my human will be occupied with an array of satisfyingly loud clicking sounds, which could be disruptive. However, the mention of small, detachable accessories—a mask, a spear, and a tail that becomes a bow—piques my interest. These are perfectly sized morsels for batting into the dark dimension under the sofa, presenting a far more engaging challenge than the figure itself.

Key Features

  • THE THIRTEEN ONYX PRIME ACTION FIGURE: This 7.5-inch (19 cm) The Thirteen Onyx Prime action figure toy features deco and detail inspiration from the Transformers universe
  • 3-IN-1 CONVERTING TRANSFORMERS TOY: Transformers action figure converts between robot, centaur, and beast modes toy in 12 and 19 steps
  • AWESOME ACCESSORIES: The Thirteen Onyx Prime Transformers figure comes with a Triptych Mask Artifact and spear accessory and his tail can come off and convert into a bow accessory
  • ARTICULATED FOR PLAY AND DISPLAY: Transformers figures feature articulated heads, arms, and legs for action poses
  • GIFT TRANSFORMERS COLLECTIBLES: The Thirteen Onyx Prime action figure makes a great collectible figure gift for any Transformers fan
  • THE THIRTEEN ONYX PRIME: The Thirteen Onyx Prime is the beast Prime with a warrior spirit eclipsed only by his fierce loyalty to his friends
  • AGE OF THE PRIMES: The Thirteen Primes are the very first bots in Transformers mythology, a pantheon of beings each with a unique ability and personality. Every battle, bot, and power in the Transformers universe can be traced back to them

A Tale from Pete the Cat

It was not presented as a toy. It was an idol, placed with unearned reverence upon the mantelpiece, a sacred perch from which I survey my domain. The human called it Onyx Prime, a dark, brooding sentinel of plastic and paint, standing stoic in its robot form. It stared into the middle distance, its presence a silent, geometric affront to the soft, sensible contours of my world. For two days, it stood there, a silent challenge. I watched it from the arm of the sofa, my tail a slow metronome of contempt. It was an intruder, a pretender to the high ground. On the third day, the human approached the mantel. I expected a feather duster, a fitting humiliation for the usurper. Instead, they performed a ritual. A series of harsh clicks and snaps echoed in the quiet room as the figure was twisted and folded. It shed its bipedal form and became something else—a centaur, a creature of myth and poor balance. Its spear was placed in its hand. I narrowed my eyes. This was not play; it was a threat display. A clumsy, articulated one, but a display nonetheless. It was showing me it had other, more stable forms. I was unimpressed. Four legs are standard issue; it's what you do with them that counts. The final transformation came that evening, under the glow of the lamp. More clicks, more contortions. The centaur collapsed into a quadrapedal "beast," a brutish caricature of a predator. It was then that I saw its flaw. The human detached its tail, a segmented piece of plastic, and manipulated it into the shape of a bow. They placed it beside the figure, a separate component. An oversight. A vulnerability. This great Prime, this warrior of legend, could be... disassembled. By a sufficiently motivated party. My initial disdain hardened into a cold, calculated strategy. The sentinel was not a god; it was a puzzle. A puzzle with a loose piece. I let the human finish their fiddling and return to their glowing rectangle. I waited until the house fell into the deep silence of the night, then leaped silently onto the mantel. The figure stood there, beastly and proud. Beside it lay the prize: the tail-bow. A single, precise tap of my paw sent the small accessory skittering over the edge, landing with a faint clatter before vanishing into the shadows beneath the heavy bookcase. The idol was now incomplete. Flawed. I gave its plastic head a dismissive sniff and settled back onto my velvet cushion. It was, I decided, a worthy adversary after all—not for a battle of brawn, but for a long, satisfying war of attrition.
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Transformers Age of The Primes Aerialbot Fireflight, Deluxe Class 5.5-Inch Converting Action Figure, Robot Toys for Ages 8+

By: Transformers

Pete's Expert Summary

My Human, in a fit of what I can only assume is profound boredom, has acquired another plastic idol for their collection. This one, a garish red and white construct named "Aerialbot Fireflight," is a bipedal figure of moderate size. The packaging claims it can contort itself into a "jet" form, a pointless bit of engineering that will only serve to frustrate my staff. Its true value, if any, lies in the two minuscule blaster accessories, which have the perfect dimensions for being batted under the refrigerator. The main figure, however, with its stiff joints and pre-packaged "display-worthy" poses, seems far too static for a proper hunt. It's a trinket for human eyes, not a toy for a predator of my caliber, though I might knock it over just to hear the sound it makes.

Key Features

  • AGE OF THE PRIMES AERIALBOT FIREFLIGHT: This Transformers Aerialbot Fireflight figure features deco and details inspired by the Transformers universe
  • PART OF TRANSFORMERS AERIALBOT SUPERION: Aerialbot Fireflight action figure combines with other Aerialbot Transformers figures (each sold separately, subject to availability) to create the Aerialbot Superion figure
  • 5.5-INCH DELUXE CLASS TRANSFORMERS FIGURE: In robot mode, the Transformers action figure is 5.5 inches (14 cm) tall
  • CONVERT BETWEEN ROBOT AND JET MODE IN 17 STEPS: This Transformers toy figure converts between modes in 17 steps
  • 2 ACCESSORIES ATTACH IN BOTH MODES: Figure comes with 2 blaster accessory pieces
  • ARTICULATED FOR PLAY AND DISPLAY: Age of the Primes Transformers figures feature high articulation for display-worthy poses or action-packed play
  • GIFT TRANSFORMERS COLLECTIBLES: Transformers action figures make a great gift for boys and girls 8 and up or anyone who collects Transformers toys

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The intrusion occurred during my designated mid-afternoon sunbeam session. The Human placed the red statue directly in the path of the golden light, a sacrilege of the highest order. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail a metronome of pure contempt. The figure stood there, silent and still, its plastic eyes staring into nothing. It was an effigy, a monument to poor taste, and an obstruction. I had already calculated the trajectory needed to knock it from the coffee table onto the hardwood floor, anticipating a satisfying clatter. It would be a simple, elegant act of territorial reclamation. Then, the Human picked it up again, and the ritual began. I froze, my ears swiveling forward. With a series of sharp, unsettling clicks, my staff began to dismember the statue while it was still "alive." A leg was twisted backward at an impossible angle. The arms were folded and crammed into its torso. Its head—its very face—was pushed down into its own chest cavity in a feat of grotesque mechanical horror. Each of the seventeen clicks was like a tiny bone snapping. This was not play. This was a methodical, deliberate transformation, a sort of forced, violent molting. I was not witnessing a toy being changed; I was observing a ceremony. When the bizarre ritual was complete, the creature was gone. In its place lay a flattened, angular shape, a mockery of a bird. The Human set this new form back down in my sunbeam. I crept from the sofa, belly low to the ground, my initial plan of simple destruction forgotten. This object was more complex than I had imagined. It was a thing of two souls, one upright and one prone. I sniffed at it. It smelled of the factory it came from and the Human’s fumbling hands. Then I saw them: two small, dark gray appendages clipped to its wings. They were not part of its core being; they were offerings. Or perhaps parasites. My purpose became clear. The large, transforming husk was a decoy, a noisy distraction. The true prize, the essence of the game, were these smaller attachments. With a speed the Human’s eye could barely follow, I hooked a single claw under one of the "blasters" and flicked. It popped free, skittering across the table's surface. Before the Human could even form a protest, I had snatched the tiny piece in my mouth and vanished under the couch. The large, complicated toy could have its sunbeam. I had captured its soul. It was, I decided, a surprisingly worthy endeavor after all.
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Rolling Art Action Figure Set, Model 13 Action Figure Multi-Jointed Movable,Gift Box Packaging, a Great for Loved Ones and Friends. (red)

By: Rolling Art

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has, once again, mistaken my sophisticated tastes for those of a common alley ruffian, presenting this... object. It appears to be a garish red plastic skeleton, a sort of miniature golem they call an "action figure." Its primary selling point seems to be its numerous joints, which, I concede, offer the potential for more satisfying and dramatic collapses when swatted from a great height. They intend for it to "decorate" a desk—a prime launching pad, in my expert opinion. The included tiny weapons and hands are an interesting, if insultingly small, addition. They are clearly designed to be batted under the heaviest piece of furniture imaginable. This may momentarily distract me from the existential void of an empty food bowl, but I suspect the box it came in will offer more lasting amusement.

Key Features

  • FLEXIBLE JOINTS: Model 18 have super flexible joints that allow for a variety of poses and movements. This not only increases the interactivity and fun of the toy, but also stimulates imagination and creativity.
  • MULTIFUNCTIONAL DECORATION: Action figure can be used as a stylish desktop decoration for your living room, bedroom, study, entryway and more. Enjoy the fun and satisfaction that Action figure brings to enhance the fun and creativity of your space.
  • VARIETY OF STYLES:Action Figure Set includes a variety of styles with three hand types and six weapons to choose from. You can customize its appearance and assemble unique combinations to personalize the action figure to meet different interests and preferences.
  • RELIABLE QUALITY: Action figure is a high quality gift for collectors and enthusiasts, comes with a beautiful gift box packaging, perfect for birthdays, Christmas, holidays, any celebration or special occasio
  • PERFECT GIFT: Model 18 Action figure is a high quality gift for collectors and enthusiasts, comes with a beautiful gift box packaging, perfect for birthdays, Christmas, holidays, any celebration or special occasion.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The ceremony was, as always, dreadfully dull. The Human, whom I permit to cohabitate with me, spent an eternity fussing over the new arrival. It was extracted from a cardboard prison—the only part of the exchange that held any real promise—and assembled on the vast, polished plain of the desk. A sentinel, stark red against the dark wood. The Human posed it, bending its limbs into a posture of what I could only interpret as sheer arrogance, even placing a tiny, pathetic sword in its hand. Then, with a final, pathetically proud glance, the Human departed the room. The intruder was left alone on my turf. I waited a full ten seconds for the sake of dramatic tension before making my move. A silent leap from the floor to the chair, then a fluid vault onto the desk itself. I landed without a sound, a gray shadow in the lamplight. The Red Sentinel stood motionless, its plastic form gleaming. I circled it once, my tail giving a low, contemplative sweep. It smelled of nothing. No life, no fear. Just the sterile scent of a factory. This was not prey; this was an effigy, a challenge to my dominion. My first probe was a gentle tap with a single, unsheathed claw. The figure wobbled precariously, its loosely articulated waist giving it a surprising resilience. Intriguing. A lesser cat might have been frustrated, but I am a student of physics and weak points. I ignored the torso and directed a precise, calculated strike at its left knee joint. The effect was immediate and glorious. The leg buckled, the entire structure lost its integrity, and the Red Sentinel folded in on itself, collapsing into a graceless, undignified heap. Its little sword skittered away, coming to a rest near the edge of the desk. I nudged the vanquished foe with my nose. Pathetic. Then, with a flick of my paw, I sent the tiny sword flying into the dark abyss behind the monitor, a tribute to the void. The small box of spare hands and other implements was next, its contents scattered like seeds of chaos across the desk. I would permit the red figure to remain, but not as a decoration. It would serve as a daily reminder, a crumpled monument to my authority. Each morning, the Human could rebuild it, and each afternoon, I would teach it the immutable lesson of gravity. It was, I decided, a perfectly acceptable arrangement.
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Disney Store Official Buzz Lightyear Interactive Talking Action Figure from Toy Story, Features 10+ English Phrases, Interacts with Other Figures and Toys

By: Disney Store

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has presented me with another piece of brightly colored plastic, this one shaped like a small, pompous man in a ridiculous suit. Apparently, this "Buzz Lightyear" is a product of the Disney Store, a purveyor of goods that seem to cause my provider to make strange, high-pitched cooing noises. This figure boasts of flashing lights, sudden noises, and articulated limbs. The "laser" light has a sliver of potential, assuming it resembles the elusive and glorious red dot, but the prospect of over ten pre-recorded phrases sounds like a direct and unforgivable assault on the sanctity of my nap schedule. While the pop-out wings and "karate chop action" might provide a moment's amusement when I eventually bat it off a high shelf, this is clearly a toy for the simple-minded human, not a connoisseur of fine napping spots and strategically deployed hairballs like myself.

Key Features

  • Interactive Buzz Lightyear: This Buzz Lightyear action figure brings Toy Story toys to life. Press the blue, red, and green buttons to hear over 10 phrases to enhance playtime adventures.
  • Wing Release & Laser Effects: Press the button for an exciting wing release and flashing laser lights. This action-packed feature makes it an ideal choice among Buzz lightyear toys.
  • Arm Laser & Karate Chop: Activate the arm laser button for dynamic light and sound effects, while the wings button triggers Buzz's karate chop action. These features make it a standout Buzz toy.
  • Fully Articulated Design: With fully articulated joints, this Buzz Lightyear figure from the Toy Story enhances playtime, perfect for recreating scenes from the movie.
  • Interacts with Other Figures: When this Buzz Lightyear action figure toy can interact with other characters from the franchise, unlocking additional phrases for an enriched play experience.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The new idol was placed upon the mantle, a space typically reserved for dusty photographs and, on one memorable occasion, a particularly fascinating spider. I observed it from my throne on the velvet armchair, my tail giving a single, dismissive flick. It was garish. It was silent. It was an insult to the carefully curated aesthetic of my living room. The human, beaming with a foolish pride, pushed a button on its chest. "To infinity, and beyond!" the plastic man squawked, its voice a tinny intrusion. I yawned, showing the impressive length of my fangs, and turned my head away. A trifle, unworthy of my notice. Later that afternoon, a profound boredom had set in. The sunbeam had moved, the water bowl was merely adequate, and no interesting dust motes were dancing in the air. My gaze drifted back to the figure on the mantle. The human had left it with one arm raised, as if hailing a taxi to oblivion. On a whim, I leaped silently onto the end table, then to the mantle itself, my paws making no sound on the wood. I sniffed the figure. It smelled of the factory and the human's hand. I nudged its helmet with my nose. Nothing. With a carefully extended paw, I hooked a claw around the red button on its arm. I pressed. A series of zapping noises erupted, and a small red light flashed on its wrist. It wasn't *the* dot, but it was *a* dot. It appeared and vanished in an instant, a tantalizing glimpse of prey. My ears swiveled forward, my pupils dilating. Intrigued, I decided to test its other functions. I patted the large green button on its chest. "Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!" it proclaimed as its wings violently snapped open, nearly knocking me off my perch. The sudden, swift movement sent a jolt of pure predatory thrill through me. This was not a static object; it was unpredictable. It had secrets. I spent the next ten minutes systematically pressing every button, cataloging the strange proclamations and whirring sounds. "There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere," it declared, and I couldn't help but silently agree as I watched my human struggle to open a jar of pickles in the kitchen. My final verdict came when I pushed the button for the "karate chop." The arm swung down with surprising speed. It didn't hit me, but it did connect squarely with a hideous porcelain cherub the human cherished. The cherub tumbled from the mantle, landing on the rug with a soft, unsatisfying thud rather than the glorious shatter I had hoped for. Still, the act itself was magnificent. This was not a toy to be chased or pounced upon. This was a tool. An instrument of chaos I could operate from the high ground. The plastic spaceman wasn't my plaything; it was my accomplice. It was, I decided with a slow blink of supreme satisfaction, worthy.
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Marvel Titan Hero Series Spider-Man 12-Inch Action Figure with Fx Port

By: Marvel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has presented me with a large, plastic man-doll in a gaudy red and blue suit. They call it "Spider-Man." Apparently, its primary function is to just stand there, looking heroic, I suppose. It has limbs that move, which might offer a moment's diversion if I'm in the mood to rearrange it into a more dignified, less ostentatious pose. The real kicker, however, is the little hole in its back. This port, I've gathered, is for a *different* toy that makes noise, which, naturally, was not included. So, what I have here is not a toy, but a monument to poor financial planning and a platform for future, likely more annoying, purchases. It is large enough to be a satisfying thing to knock over, but without feathers, catnip, or self-propulsion, it's mostly an insult to my intelligence.

Key Features

  • 12-Inch scale Spider-Man figure – Imagine Peter Parker suiting up as the friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man with this 12-inch-scale Spider-Man figure, inspired by the classic character design from the Marvel Comics.
  • Talking Super hero action figure – connect projectile launcher (not included. Sold separately with Titan hero blast figures.) to port on Spider-Man action figure’s back to activate sounds & phrases inspired by the Spider-Man Movie and fire projectiles!
  • Spider-Man movie-inspired design – fans can imagine the web-slinging and wall-crawling Spidey adventures with this Spider-Man figure, inspired by the character from the Marvel comic books.
  • Compatible with titan hero blast gear launcher (not included. Sold separately with Titan hero blast figures.) – connect to Titan hero series and Titan hero blast gear figures (each sold separately) for sound effects.
  • Look for other Spidey Super hero toys - be on the lookout for other Spider-Man figures and gear to imagine the web-slinger swinging into action! Additional products each sold separately. Subject to availability.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The new idol arrived on a Tuesday. My human lifted it from a cardboard box with a reverence usually reserved for the can of premium tuna pâté. It was a giant, glossy figure, frozen in a state of perpetual, plastic alertness. They placed it on the highest point of the bookshelf, a territory I had long ago claimed as my own personal summit. It stood there, one arm outstretched, a silent, colorful mockery of everything graceful and serene. My human called it a "collector's item." I called it an eyesore. For a full day, I observed it from my velvet chaise. The intruder did not move, did not blink, did not even have the common decency to collect a respectable layer of dust. It simply stood, its painted-on eyes staring into nothingness. My human would occasionally glance up at it and smile, as if this garish sentinel was guarding our home from... what? Dust bunnies? A poorly aimed sunbeam? The sheer audacity of it was offensive. This was not a toy. A toy is a thing to be vanquished, a mouse to be disemboweled, a feather wand to be shredded. This was a statement, and I intended to provide a rebuttal. That night, under the sliver of moon filtering through the blinds, I made my ascent. The journey up the bookshelf was a familiar one, a silent ballet of precise leaps. When I reached the summit, I came face-to-face with the plastic man. It was lighter than it looked. I nudged its stiff leg with my nose. It smelled of chemicals and disappointment. Knocking it to the ground would be too simple, too crude. It deserved a more nuanced defeat. I began my work, not with claws, but with careful, deliberate pressure from my head and paws. I pushed one of its legs forward, then the other. I nudged its torso until it was bent at a ninety-degree angle at the waist. I nudged its arms until they were tucked meekly at its sides. The next morning, my human walked into the room, coffee in hand, and stopped. They stared up at the bookshelf. The hero was no longer hero-ing. Instead, Spider-Man was posed in a perfect, deep bow, head bent in deference, paying tribute to the one true master of the house who now sat below, calmly grooming a white paw. The toy was not worthy of my play, but it made for an excellent tool of psychological expression. It would stay. For now.
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MerryXD 6 Pack Assembly Completed T13 Action Figure,Dummy Nova Titan Lucky 13 Action Figure 3D Printed Multi-Jointed Movable Toy

By: MerryXD

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has presented me with a six-pack of small, plastic humanoids. Apparently, these are "action figures," which is servant-speak for "things you are supposed to bat around but not chew on." They are 3D-printed, which sounds terribly modern and noisy, and come with an absurd number of interchangeable hands and weapons. The primary appeal, from my superior vantage point, is their jointed nature. This suggests they can be posed in various states of falling or being pounced upon. Their small size and light weight make them ideal for skittering across the hardwood floor with a single, well-placed paw-smack. While they lack the fundamental allure of a feather or the erratic movement of a laser dot, their durability and the sheer quantity of loose parts to lose under the furniture might provide a fleeting afternoon's distraction.

Key Features

  • Designed by Soozafone: MerryXD 3D printed T13 robot series is designed by the talented artist soozafone, known for exquisite workmanship and attention to detail.
  • Fully Articulated Titan 13 Action Figure: Titan 13 features fully movable joints, allowing for dynamic poses and actions. With three hand types and four weapon options, customize its appearance and role for endless play possibilities.
  • Customizable Color Combinations: Choose from various colors to assemble unique combinations, personalizing the Titan 13 Action Figure to match preferences or create eye-catching designs.
  • High Playability & Quality: Crafted with PETG environmental plastic, the Lucky 13 Action Figure boasts exceptional durability. Its movable joints and abundant accessories enable versatile posing, making it ideal for play, display, drawing, and photography.A high-quality gift for collectors and hobbyists, perfect for birthdays,Christmas,holidays, any celebration or special occasions.
  • Versatile Decorative Piece: Beyond play, the Nova 13 Action Figure serves as a stylish desktop decoration or stress-relieving tool. Attach it to desks or backpacks for on-the-go fun and relaxation.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

I awoke from a perfectly satisfactory nap in a patch of sun to find the monoliths had arrived. There were six of them, standing in a silent, rigid formation on the dark wood of the coffee table. The human called them "Lucky 13" or "Titan," nonsensical babble to my ears. I knew what they were: Golems. Silent, plastic sentinels animated by some strange human magic, placed here to observe my every move. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail a slow, metronomic pendulum of suspicion. They were all angles and joints, capable of assuming any posture, and they carried tiny, menacing implements the human called "accessories." This was an occupation. My first move was reconnaissance. A silent leap brought me face-to-face with the platoon. They stood there, unblinking. I lowered my head, whiskers twitching as I sniffed the leader—a garish orange one. It smelled of nothing but cold, sterile plastic. I gave its leg a tentative nudge with my nose. It didn't yield. Sturdy. This "PETG" material was clearly designed for durability under siege. This confirmed my theory; they were not mere decorations. They were a challenge. A silent dare to disrupt their perfect, orderly ranks. The engagement began not with a roar, but with a single, extended claw. I reached out and delicately hooked the orange Golem's arm, pulling gently. The arm popped out of its socket with a faint click. A victory! The human made a noise of protest, but the spell was broken. Emboldened, I unleashed a calculated flurry of surgical strikes. One swat sent a blue sentinel careening off the table, its journey ending with a soft clatter on the rug. Another, a gray one that dared to mimic my own superior coloring, was summarily disarmed, its little plastic sword flicked into the dark abyss beneath the television stand, a realm from which nothing returns. Within a minute, the occupation was over. The Golems were scattered, dismembered, and defeated. I selected the arm of the orange one, carrying it in my mouth like a hard-won trophy before depositing it in my food bowl for safekeeping. They are, I must admit, quite satisfying to dismantle. They don't fight back, but their resilience and the sheer number of pieces provide a gratifying sense of accomplishment. They are worthy of my attention, not as toys, but as a silent army whose defeat reaffirms my absolute dominion over this territory. The human can reassemble them, and I will be waiting. The war is far from over.
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Transformers Toys Heroic Optimus Prime Action Figure - Timeless Large-Scale Figure, Changes into Toy Truck - Toys for Kids 6 and Up, 11-inch (Amazon Exclusive)

By: Transformers

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has presented me with what appears to be a large, plastic idol painted in rather loud shades of red and blue. They call it "Optimus Prime," a name far too grand for a hollow construct that smells of a factory. Its supposed master feature is its ability to contort from a bipedal shape into a wheeled brick in six disappointingly simple steps. Frankly, its sheer size is its only redeeming quality, offering a substantial target to be shoved from a high surface. The transformation itself is a process requiring thumbs, making it a spectacle I must endure rather than an activity I can partake in. Ultimately, I suspect this "toy" will prove to be a stationary, oversized dust collector, a monument to my human's fleeting whims rather than a worthy challenger for my attention.

Key Features

  • EXPERIENCE THE CLASSIC CONVERSION PLAY OF TRANSFORMERS TOYS: Transformers toys that change from robot to vehicle have captivated kids for generations.
  • 2 TOYS IN 1: This toy robot changes into the signature red and blue Optimus Prime toy truck in 6 simple steps. Easy conversion for kids 6 years old and up.
  • FAVORITE TRANSFORMERS CHARACTER: Transformers follows the story of the heroic Autobots, who fight to protect all life, and the evil Decepticons, who seek to conquer the universe. This timeless 11-inch Cyber Commander Series figure depicts Optimus Prime, legendary leader of the Autobots--essential when starting a Transformers toy collection.
  • IMAGINE EXCITING BATTLES: Collect other 11-inch Cyber Commander Series Transformers figures so kids can imagine their own Autobot vs. Decepticon battles (Each sold separately. Subject to availability).
  • MAKES A GREAT GIFT: This classic Optimus Prime action figure makes the perfect birthday or holiday gift.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The new thing was an affront to the tasteful decor of my living room. It stood there on the oriental rug, a silent, rigid sentinel of poor taste. My human called it a gift, but I recognized it for what it was: a test. I circled the Red and Blue Golem warily, my tuxedo-patterned chest held low to the ground. It stood nearly a foot tall, a giant in my world, yet it was unnervingly still. I gave its plastic foot a tentative sniff. Nothing. No scent of prey, no musk of a rival. It smelled only of sterile packaging and forgotten warehouses. I narrowed my eyes. This was not a living thing, but it occupied the space of one. My human, clearly misinterpreting my cautious analysis as confusion, knelt down and committed an act of grotesque violence upon the Golem. With a series of sharp cracks and sickening snaps, they began to fold it in on itself. A leg became a fender. Arms were swallowed into its torso. Its head vanished into a cavity with a final, hollow *click*. I flattened my ears, my tail twitching in alarm. This was not play; this was a forced, mechanical contortion, a violation of all physical laws. The Golem didn't scream or struggle; it simply submitted to its own horrifying reconfiguration. When the ordeal was over, the towering figure was gone, replaced by a cumbersome, wheeled block. The human beamed, pushing it an inch forward. "See, Pete? A truck!" A truck. How pedestrian. I approached the new form with renewed skepticism. It was less imposing, certainly, but also profoundly less interesting. It was just a lump. I gave one of the stiff wheels a swat with my paw. It barely moved. Pathetic. There was no thrill of the chase, no unpredictable wobble, no satisfying skitter across the hardwood. It was inert, a soulless brick. I was about to dismiss it entirely, to turn my back and find a sunbeam more deserving of my presence, when I noticed the flat plane of its roof. It was just the right height. With a languid, effortless leap, I landed atop it. The plastic was cool beneath my paws. From this new vantage point, I had a perfect, elevated view of the entire room—the doorway to the kitchen, the sacred sofa, the window overlooking the bird feeder. This was not a toy. It was not a friend or foe. I settled into a loaf, resting my chin on the front of the cab and beginning a low, rumbling purr. The Red and Blue Golem, in its most boring form, had revealed its one true purpose. It was a throne. A cheap, undignified throne, perhaps, but a throne all the same. It would be permitted to remain.
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Cheetos 6" Chester Cheetah Action Figure, Toys for Kids and Adults

By: Jada Toys

Pete's Expert Summary

So, the human has procured a small, plastic idol of that loud, orange fellow from the crinkly bags. Based on the "collector grade" box and the absurd "13+" age warning, this isn't for me. It's a static dust-gatherer for a shelf, an effigy meant to be looked at, not properly hunted. It comes with a miniature, inedible bag of "Cheetos" and has cheese dust permanently affixed to its fingers, which is a particular kind of torture for a cat of my refined palate. While the articulated limbs offer a fleeting possibility for batting practice, and the box it arrived in is undoubtedly of superior quality for sitting purposes, the figure itself is a monument to wasted potential. It promises the thrill of the forbidden snack but delivers only silent, plastic disappointment.

Key Features

  • GENUINE: Authentically licensed from Cheetos
  • COLLECTOR GRADE: unique collectors packaging
  • READY TO PLAY: Comes with bag of Cheetos and cheetle (cheese dust) on his fingers.
  • SIZE: 6" articulated action figure
  • AGE: 13+

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The new arrival was placed on the sacred coffee table, a stage usually reserved for the human’s steaming mugs and forbidden plates. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail giving a slow, judgmental twitch. He was a suspect, this one. Garishly orange, with a posture of unearned confidence and a grin that I knew hid a thousand lies. The file—the transparent box he came in—named him Chester. A Jada Toys operation. I’d seen their work before. Usually more metal, less... cheesy. My informant, The Provider, stepped away, leaving the two of us alone in the quiet hum of the afternoon. I leaped down, my paws making no sound on the rug. Time for the interrogation. I circled him slowly. He didn't flinch, his painted-on sunglasses betraying nothing. I extended a single, perfect claw and tapped his leg. It swung loosely at a joint. He was articulated, a real tough guy. I moved in closer, sniffing. A faint, chemical odor. Then I saw it: the "cheetle." The orange dust caked on his fingertips. A clear sign of a deal gone down. But where was the product? My eyes narrowed on the tiny bag clutched in his other hand. The stash. This had to be it. I nudged it with my nose, expecting the glorious crinkle, the heavenly scent of corn and artificial cheese. Nothing. It was a hard, hollow piece of plastic. A prop. The whole thing was a setup. This Chester wasn't some criminal mastermind dealing in delicious contraband; he was a phony, a plastic decoy. My investigation was over. This creature was no rival, no worthy adversary. He was a hollow effigy, a mockery of the very concept of a satisfying snack. Disgusted, I gave his smug face a firm shove with my paw. He toppled over with a pathetic clatter, his silent grin now pressed against the wood grain. Case closed. I turned and walked away, leaving him for the dust bunnies. Some mysteries are just too disappointing to solve.
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ANIME HEROES - Naruto Shippuden - Uchiha Sasuke Rinnegan/Mangekyo Sharingan Action Figure

By: ANIME HEROES

Pete's Expert Summary

My human, in a fit of what they call 'nostalgia,' has procured a small plastic man named Sasuke. It's a product from a company named Bandai, apparently designed for humans to pose on shelves and collect dust, a noble purpose I can respect. From my perspective, however, its supposed value lies not in its '20+ points of articulation' or its grim little face, but in the collection of tiny, switchable hands and accessories. These minuscule plastic morsels are perfectly sized for batting under the heaviest furniture, promising hours of entertainment as I watch the Staff search for them in vain. The doll itself might serve as a decent wrestling dummy, but let's be honest: the true prize is the box it came in.

Key Features

  • Bandai's Anime Heroes figure line now lets you step into the anime world of Naruto. This Sasuke Uchiha Rinnegan / Mangekyo Sharingan version figure captures the cold and determined demeanor of Sasuke with one of his most powerful attacks
  • Comes in premium packaging that is influenced by Japanese manga and art
  • The detailed and amazingly decorated 6.5-inch scale figure allows you to recreate Sasuke's iconic moments with over 20+ points of articulation. This figure is perfect for play and display!
  • Each Anime Heroes figure comes with an additional 2 sets of switchable hands and character-specific accessories
  • Fans can look for more Anime Heroes Naruto series figures from Bandai (Each figure sold separately)

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The thing arrived on the mantelpiece one Tuesday, a silent, dark-haired sentinel displacing a perfectly good spot for shedding. My human called it "Sasuke" and spent an absurd amount of time twisting its limbs into unnatural positions. I observed from my throne on the sofa, tail twitching in mild irritation. It was just another piece of plastic, destined to be ignored until it was eventually knocked to the floor during one of my midnight zoomies. Or so I thought. The next morning, I noticed something had changed. The plastic man was no longer in a fighting stance. My human had replaced its hands with a different set and posed it to be holding its chin, as if in deep thought. An hour later, a miracle occurred: a surprise delivery of my favorite brand of salmon pâté, a delicacy usually reserved for holidays. I stared at the figure, a flicker of suspicion in my mind. Coincidence, surely. But the next day, the figure was posed with its little sword drawn, pointing toward the front door. Not long after, the horror of horrors: the nail clippers emerged from the bathroom drawer. The correlation was becoming uncomfortably clear. This was no mere toy. It was an oracle. Its "20+ points of articulation" were not for play; they were a complex vocabulary of prophecy. Each of the "switchable hands" was a different rune, a symbol predicting the day's fortune. A fist meant the good canned food. An open palm meant a frustratingly closed door to the sunbeam room. That strange, swirly purple eye it sometimes had? That foretold the coming of the dreaded vacuum monster. I no longer view the Sasuke figure with contempt. I view it with a cautious, profound respect. Each morning, my first duty after my initial stretch is to leap silently onto the mantelpiece and consult the plastic prophet. I study its pose, the configuration of its hands, the direction of its gaze. My human thinks they have a collectible. The fool. They have brought a divine instrument into my home, a tool that allows me, Pete, to prepare for the day's triumphs and tribulations. It is not a toy to be swatted, but a guide to be consulted. It is, without a doubt, the most useful object the Staff has ever acquired.
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