A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Crib Toy Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
TUMAMA KIDS
Plush Vegetables Fall One by One to the Inspector
★★★☆☆
Pau1Hami1ton
Operation Rainbow's End: The Monkey Is Secured
★★★☆☆
FPVERA
Armchair Parasite Passes Its Field Inspection
★★★☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: FPVERA
Gaudy Worm Earns Its Place as My Pillow
Pete begins as a skeptic but a cascade of crinkles and rattles wins him over, ending with the spiral worm claimed as an impromptu napping throne.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human, in her infinite and often misplaced wisdom, has acquired what appears to be a garishly colored spiral creature, allegedly a "worm," from an unknown purveyor called FPVERA. It seems designed to be coiled around the bars of a tiny human's containment unit, dangling various smaller, equally offensive "cartoon insects" to be batted at. I will concede …

Continued on the story page →
Image of Baby Crib Hanging Rattles Toys - Infant Baby Worm Crib Bed Around Rattle Bell Cartoon Insect Spiral Hanging Toy with Ringing Bell for Infants Bed Stroller Car Seat Bar for Babies Boys and Girls
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Garish, undignified, and mine.
From The Desk
Image of Baby Einstein Ocean Explorers Neptune's Kick & Explore Musical Kick Pad & Crib Toy, Tummy Time Mat, Learning Toy, for Ages 0 Months and up
Baby Einstein
Smiling Turtle Becomes Pete's Personal Oracle

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented me with a product from a brand called "Baby Einstein." The very name is an insult. A baby cannot be an Einste…

★★★★☆ — My Rosetta Stone. It is worthy.
More From The Desk
Image of Lynncare Adjustable Arch Bassinet Toys for Infant & Toddlers, Stroller Arch, Baby Crib Toys with Fascinating Hanging for Stimulating Baby’s Senses and Developing Motor Skills
Lynncare
Food-Dish Carnival Earns a Grudging Royal Decree

So, the Human has presented me with this… this *archway* of trinkets from a brand called "Lynncare." It's apparently for a "baby," which is their ter…

★★★☆☆
Image of Baby Sensory Toy 0-6 Month Music Animal Stuffed Plush Caterpillar Toy for Infant 0-3-6 Month Tummy Time with Baby Mirror Crinkle Rattle for 6-12 Month Carseat Toy for Newborn Boys Girls Shower Gifts
Melodyinn
Ruler-Worm Spy Neutralized, Trophy Claimed

So, the human has presented me with this... elongated, multi-colored grub from a brand called 'Melodyinn.' It's apparently a '4-in-1' marvel for tiny…

★★★☆☆
Image of TUMAMA Baby Toys for 0, 3, 6, 9, 12 Months, Handbells Baby Rattles, Soft Plush Early Development Stroller Car Toys for Infant, Newborn Birthday Gifts, 4 Pack
TUMAMA KIDS
Mediocre Quartet Briefly Conducts Itself Into Relevance

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented me with a collection of soft, infantile effigies. It appears to be a "4 Pack" o…

★★☆☆☆
Image of Infantino Hug and Tug Musical Bug
Infantino
Sisyphean Alpinist Defeated, Then Immediately Reset

My human, in a moment of questionable judgment, has procured this "Hug and Tug Musical Bug," an object clearly designed for a less-discerning, drool-…

★★★☆☆
Image of TUMAMA Baby Toys for 3 6 9 12 Months,Hanging Fruit Rattles Avocado,Banana,Orange and Strawberry,Stroller Mobile Toys,Plush Soft Rattles for Boys,Girls Christmas Gifts,4 Pack
Gaudy Fruit Stand Survives Pete's Quality Audit

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented me with a collection of what they call "Baby Toys." The audacity. It appears to…

★★★☆☆
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