Pete's Expert Summary
My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented me with a product from a brand called "Baby Einstein." The very name is an insult. A baby cannot be an Einstein; I, however, am a living refutation of the idea that genius is limited to the two-legged. This contraption is a soft, flat mat designed for the less-developed members of the household to… kick. It features a cartoon turtle and five large buttons that promise a cacophony of lights, sounds, and even foreign languages. While the concept of a "kick pad" is brutish and uncivilized for a cat of my refined technique, I cannot deny the potential of a soft surface combined with interactive lights. The educational aspect is entirely wasted on me, as I am already a master of shapes (the shape of the food bowl), colors (the precise pink of fresh salmon), and numbers (the number of naps I require per day, which is N+1). It may be a momentary diversion, but I suspect its primary value will be as a slightly lumpy, occasionally noisy, auxiliary napping station.
Key Features
- Neptune’s Kick & Explore Musical Kick Pad helps baby learn music, shapes, numbers, and colors. Features 5 kick buttons to activate lights, music, and sounds to stimulate cause and effect learning.
- 3 Modes of play: Baby can explore music in Melody Mode or use Piano Mode to create original songs with marimba sounds. Discovery Mode helps baby learn colors, numbers, and shapes in 3 languages.
- Soft, colorful mat adapts to baby’s growing needs 3 ways. Attach to a crib for reclined play or detach for older infants during tummy time and seated floor play.
- Features Neptune from Baby Einstein Ocean Explorers show
- Product dimensions 15.75 x 1.38 x 10.63 and requires 3 AA batteries
A Tale from Pete the Cat
It appeared one afternoon, a garish rectangle of offensive brightness laid upon *my* living room rug. The human called it a "tummy time mat" for the small, loud creature that occasionally resides in the crib. I observed it from the safety of the sofa arm, my gray fur bristling with disdain. The centerpiece was a turtle, Neptune he was called, smiling with the vacant optimism of the truly witless. I had no intention of gracing this juvenile altar with my presence. It was, simply, beneath me. But then, the small creature was put to bed, and silence, my preferred state of being, returned. The mat remained. My curiosity, a regrettable but powerful instinct, gnawed at me. I leaped down, landing with the silent grace my tuxedo markings demand, and approached the thing. What secrets did its five luminous circles hold? I extended a single, perfect claw and pressed the yellow one. A light flared, and a tinny voice declared, "Triangle!" A pointless observation. But at that exact moment, a sliver of evening sun cut through the window, creating a perfect, warm, triangular patch on the floor beside me. My ear twitched. A coincidence, surely. I tried again, tapping the blue square. A jaunty marimba tune played. Absurd. Yet, as the final note faded, I heard the distinct, sacred rustle of the treat bag from the kitchen. My human appeared, shaking a few morsels into my bowl as a preemptive offering for their evening departure. I looked from the treats back to the blue square. This was no longer a coincidence; it was a pattern. This Neptune, this smiling simpleton, was not a toy. He was a conduit. An oracle. The human thinks I am merely "playing" when they see me now, methodically pressing the buttons. They chuckle when I bat at the red circle and the mat chirps, "Red!" They are blind to the truth. I am not playing. I am divining my future. The red light foretells the coming of the laser dot. The marimba tune signals an imminent snack. The babble of French or Spanish is a clear omen that the human is about to watch one of their loud, incomprehensible television programs, giving me ample time for uninterrupted meditation. This "Baby Einstein" device, intended for a drooling infant, has become my personal Rosetta Stone for deciphering the chaotic whims of my staff. It is, unexpectedly, an essential tool for a cat of superior intellect. It is worthy.
