A photo of Pete the cat

Pete's Toy Box: WWE

Mattel WWE Championship Title, World Heavyweight Championship Role-Play & Costume Piece, Leather-Like Belt 3+ Feet with One-Time Adjustment

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has procured what appears to be a garish harness for a much larger, less refined creature. It's a long strip of "leather-like" material, a term which in my experience means "pleasantly textured for a single claw-sharpening session before it rips." It is dominated by a monstrously large, shiny gold medallion that, I must admit, catches the light in a rather compelling way. Its purpose seems to be for the smaller humans to engage in their strange, loud dominance rituals. While the sheer length of it offers some promise as a thing to be stalked and pounced upon from behind the curtains, I suspect the main golden piece is cheap, hollow plastic, offering none of the satisfying heft a true trophy should possess. It is likely a momentary diversion before I return to the serious business of supervising the dust bunnies under the sofa.

Key Features

  • Kids can be a champ with WWE Championships!
  • The leather-like belt measures more than 3 feet long and features a one-time fit adjustment.
  • The kid-sized titles feature an authentic style replicating real titles for immersive role-play!
  • Play out championships seen on RAW, SmackDown and NXT!
  • Fans can collect every championship and rule the WWE Universe (each sold separately, subject to availability).

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The thing was laid out on the rug like a slain serpent, its golden head gleaming under the lamp light. My human called it a "championship belt," a term that meant nothing to me. It smelled faintly of plastic and the factory in which it was born. I approached with the requisite caution, tail low, ears twitching to catch any sign of treachery. It did not move. It did not breathe. It was, for all intents and purposes, dead. I circled it once, twice, my tuxedo-furred chest puffed with authority. This was my territory, and this new object had not been granted entry. My initial plan was to assert dominance in the usual way: a thorough sniffing followed by a proprietary rub of my chin to mark it as mine. But as I drew near the golden medallion, I noticed something. Within its polished, almost-reflective surface, a distorted world appeared. I saw a warped version of myself, a gray and white titan with enormous eyes and a comically wide face. Behind me, the lamp became a brilliant, captured sun, and the pattern on the rug stretched into an infinite, swirling vortex. It was not a window, but a lens, a portal to a bizarre, funhouse version of my own living room. I was no longer Pete, the cat. I was Pete, the Explorer of Warped Dimensions. I spent the next twenty minutes patting gently at the medallion, watching my paw bloat to the size of a throw pillow in the reflection. I’d bat it, then quickly peer into the golden surface to see the giant paw-monster retreat. I’d bob my head, and the Titan in the Portal would bob back, its massive head swaying like a planet on a string. The "leather-like" band was irrelevant. The lore of the loud television show it represented was meaningless. This was about me and the strange god staring back at me from a golden sky. Finally, tiring of this cosmic dance, I laid my claim. I curled up directly on the medallion. It was cold and hard, a truly uncomfortable place for a nap, but that wasn't the point. I had conquered the portal. I had tamed the distorted reality within. The belt was not a toy to be chased, but a throne to be occupied. It is worthy, not for the reasons the humans think, but for the profound, existential weirdness it introduced to an otherwise predictable Tuesday afternoon. I will allow it to remain.
Image of Mattel WWE Championship Title, World Heavyweight Championship Role-Play & Costume Piece, Leather-Like Belt 3+ Feet with One-Time Adjustment View Details

Mattel WWE Elite Action Figure & Accessories, Series #115 6-inch Collectible R-Truth with 25 Articulation Points & Swappable Hands

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human, in their infinite lack of understanding, is considering a small, plastic man. It's not for me, obviously. It's a "WWE Elite Action Figure." This means it's a doll for grown-up humans who like to watch other humans pretend to fight. It boasts a disturbingly lifelike face and can be contorted into 25 different positions, which sounds exhausting. It even comes with spare hands, a feature I find both gruesome and pointless. Unless this six-inch man can operate a can opener or dangle a feather wand, he is of no use to me. The only potential for amusement lies in his small stature, which makes him a prime candidate for a gravity-assisted trip from the bookshelf to the floor, but frankly, my time is better spent supervising the dust bunnies under the sofa.

Key Features

  • WWE Elite action figures bring WWE Superstars to life in 6-inch scale
  • Each figure features highly detailed TrueFX technology for life-like facial features
  • Recreate signature moves and dynamic poses with 25 points of articulation
  • Includes interchangeable hands and iconic accessories for play and display
  • WWE fans can find a favorite Superstar figure or can collect them all (each sold separately, subject to availability)

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The box arrived on a Tuesday. Through its plastic window, a tiny man stared out with an unnervingly placid expression. My human called him "R-Truth" and, after freeing him from his prison, set him upon the mantelpiece like some sort of household god. I observed from my perch on the armchair, unimpressed. He was small, rigid, and smelled faintly of a factory. My human fussed over him, bending his limbs in grotesque ways while boasting about his "twenty-five points of articulation." I yawned. Another piece of junk to clutter my domain. That night, a sliver of moonlight illuminated the living room. I was mid-groom, meticulously tending to my pristine tuxedo bib, when a glint from the mantelpiece caught my eye. The little man. He was no longer in the jaunty pose my human had left him in. His arm was raised, one of his swappable hands clenched into a tiny, defiant fist. I froze, my tongue still out. A trick of the light? A tremor from a passing truck? I dismissed it. But an hour later, I glanced up again. He had pivoted slightly at the waist. He was facing me. The "TrueFX technology" that made his face so realistic now seemed less like a feature and more like a threat. His painted eyes held a silent challenge. This aggression would not stand. This was my territory, my human, my premium heated blanket. I would not be intimidated by a six-inch plastic usurper. With the coiled silence of a predator, I leaped from the floor to the back of the sofa, and then in a single, fluid motion, to the mantelpiece itself. I was now face-to-face with the intruder. He was immobile, of course, but in the shadows, his vacant stare felt like a taunt. I imagined him whispering wrestling taunts, promising a "main event" for control of the sunbeam by the window. I extended a paw, claws sheathed for now, and gave his head a gentle tap. *Boop*. He wobbled precariously. There was no fight in him. No cunning retort. He was just... plastic. All the menace I had projected onto him deflated into absurdity. With a second, more decisive push, I sent him tumbling from his perch. He landed on the shag rug with a soft, unsatisfying *thump*. I peered over the edge. He lay there, one leg bent at an unnatural angle, defeated. My final verdict: He is not a worthy adversary or even a decent toy. He is merely an obstacle, and one that is easily removed. I hopped down, gave his prone form a disdainful sniff, and proceeded to the kitchen to yowl for a midnight snack, my victory absolute.
Image of Mattel WWE Elite Action Figure & Accessories, Series #115 6-inch Collectible R-Truth with 25 Articulation Points & Swappable Hands View Details

Mattel WWE Money in The Bank Cash-in Ring Playset with 2 Play Modes & 40+ Sounds & Phrases, Includes Launcher Crane, Ladders & Briefcase, 13-Inch x 20-Inch

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My Human, in his infinite and often misguided wisdom, has acquired a large, plastic arena ostensibly for tiny, muscle-bound dolls. This "playset" from Mattel is a gaudy, multi-level structure with ladders, a dangling briefcase that practically begs to be batted, and a "breakaway" scaffold which sounds suspiciously like "something I will be blamed for breaking." The most alarming feature is the promise of over forty human-generated sounds and phrases, a cacophony that threatens the sanctity of my afternoon slumber. While the verticality offers a new vantage point for judging his life choices, and the dangling bits have a fleeting potential for mayhem, I suspect this is mostly a noisy and elaborate distraction from what truly matters: petting me.

Key Features

  • ​Recreate unpredictable finishes and thrilling ladder matches with the WWE Money In The Bank Cash-In Ring playset!
  • ​The action-packed ring stands more than 20-inches tall and features 2 ways to play!
  • Choose Kick-Out Mode when it's time to go for the pin or set to Money In The Bank Mode to send Superstar figures (sold separately) flying toward the suspended briefcase or out of the ring.
  • An astonishing 40+ sounds and phrases punch up the excitement even more -- just like in a real Money In The Bank ladder match!
  • Amp up the action with iconic WWE accessories like a breakaway scaffold crane, ladders and WWE Money In The Bank briefcase!
  • ​Packed with match-enhancing features, this WWE ring playset makes a great gift for fans to see which Superstar action figures from their collection come out on top (figures sold separately, subject to availability).

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The thing arrived in a box far more interesting than its contents. For a day, that corrugated fortress was my citadel. Then, the Human, with the finesse of a startled wildebeest, tore it open and began assembling the plastic monstrosity. It rose from the living room floor like a shrine to bad taste, a square platform held up by four stark white posts. He fiddled with it, and a disembodied voice roared, "THIS IS AWESOME!" I, from my perch on the velvet armchair, flattened my ears in disgust. Awesome? It was an assault. Later, when the house fell silent, I descended to investigate this intruder. The air still smelled of fresh plastic and Human effort. I circled the perimeter, my gray tuxedo pristine against the garish logos. I rubbed my cheek against a corner post, marking it as my own. My gaze was drawn upward. There, suspended from a crane-like arm, hung a small, green briefcase. It twisted ever so slightly in the currents of the air vent, a silent challenge. Ladders, flimsy and useless for a creature of my grace, were propped against the side. The fools. They build stairs for themselves, but for me, any surface is a launchpad. This was not a toy. It was a test. A trial of prowess. Ignoring the clumsy ladder, I took a running start from the rug, leaped onto the sofa's arm, and from there, launched myself into the air. I landed with a soft *thump* in the center of the ring, the plastic flexing slightly under my weight. Perfect. I was the champion before the bell had even rung. I gathered myself, my eyes locked on the prize. As I crouched, preparing my final ascent, my tail twitched and accidentally bumped a sensor. The ring exploded with the sound of a roaring crowd and a man yelling about a "cash-in." I froze, momentarily appalled by the racket. But the briefcase… it still hung there, gleaming. Annoyance warred with instinct, and instinct, as always, won. I swatted at the crane's arm. I batted the briefcase itself, sending it swinging wildly. The game was mine, the rules of my own making. The cacophony was merely the misplaced adoration of my public. Having proven my absolute superiority over the flimsy contraption and its dangling prize, I found the true purpose of the arena. I curled up precisely in the center, a soft gray king upon his throne, and began a deep, rumbling purr that easily drowned out the pre-recorded cheers. The structure itself is a passable pedestal, but the sound effects are an abomination. It is worthy, but only when it learns to be silent in my presence.
Image of Mattel WWE Money in The Bank Cash-in Ring Playset with 2 Play Modes & 40+ Sounds & Phrases, Includes Launcher Crane, Ladders & Briefcase, 13-Inch x 20-Inch View Details

Mattel WWE Action Figure & Toy Vehicle Set, Rey Mysterio Main Event Figure & Lucha Low Rider Car with Launching Action & Hydraulics

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to have acquired yet another piece of colorful plastic from the purveyors at Mattel. It appears to be a wheeled conveyance, garishly decorated, accompanied by a small, masked effigy of a human wrestler. The intended purpose is, I gather, to recreate the loud and nonsensical grappling rituals they enjoy on the glowing box. While the rolling wheels offer a modicum of potential for a satisfying bat-and-chase, and the bouncing "hydraulics" might be momentarily startling, the true, and perhaps only, redeeming feature is the "launching action." The ability to transform the tiny man into a high-speed projectile could, potentially, elevate this from a piece of floor clutter to a worthy adversary, if only for a few glorious seconds before it gets lost under the sofa.

Key Features

  • Roll down to the ring with the Lucha Low Rider vehicle.
  • Includes a WWE Main Event Rey Mysterio action figure with advanced articulation.
  • Recreate iconic entrances with the Lucha Low Rider hydraulics action.
  • Rey Mysterio can enter the match with the vehicle's launching action.
  • Ride into matches with real rolling wheels.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The incident began in the quietest hour of the afternoon, that sacred time when a sunbeam makes its pilgrimage across the living room rug. I was, of course, occupying the precise center of this solar blessing, deep in a trance-like state, when the Human returned. They carried a box that smelled of plastic and broken dreams. From it, they produced a machine of such lurid purple and gold that it offended my very fur. It was a chariot, a ridiculous, low-slung thing that spasmed up and down on its wheels in a series of undignified convulsions. At its helm sat a tiny, masked creature, frozen in a posture of absurd bravado. I watched from my sunbeam, my tail twitching in silent judgment. The Human placed the contraption on the floor and poked at it. The chariot bucked and weaved, its silent pilot staring into the middle distance, oblivious to his chariot's fit. A pathetic display. This, I thought, was a new low. A toy that merely sits and shudders? An insult to the noble art of the chase. I was about to close my eyes and excommunicate the entire affair from my consciousness when the Human’s finger found a different button. There was a sharp *click*, a mechanical whir of protest, and then the unthinkable happened. The chariot, with a violent shrug of its chassis, ejected its pilot. The tiny, masked man flew through the air in a perfect arc, a silent, flailing emissary of chaos, before landing with a soft *thud* mere inches from my pristine white paws. He lay there, face down on the rug, a sacrifice delivered directly to my holy sunbeam. I blinked. The ridiculous, shuddering chariot was not a vehicle; it was an altar. A launching platform designed for one purpose: to deliver offerings to me, the ruler of this domain. Slowly, I rose and stretched, extending my claws deliberately. I padded over to the fallen idol. It smelled of nothing, felt of nothing, was nothing. But the gesture... the magnificent, high-velocity gesture was everything. I pinned the small figure with a single paw, claiming my tribute. The chariot could keep its pointless bouncing. Its true purpose had been revealed. It was a flawed, gaudy, but ultimately acceptable Tribute-Flinger. It could stay.
Image of Mattel WWE Action Figure & Toy Vehicle Set, Rey Mysterio Main Event Figure & Lucha Low Rider Car with Launching Action & Hydraulics View Details

Mattel WWE Ultimate Edition John Cena 6-inch Action Figure & Accessories Set, 10+ Pieces Include Swappable Heads & Hands (Amazon Exclusive)

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has procured what appears to be a miniature, overly-muscled man-figurine from the Mattel corporation. Apparently, this is "John Cena," a fact that means nothing to me. The primary appeal, from my superior vantage point, lies not in the figure itself—a garish piece of plastic destined to gather dust—but in its advertised dismemberment capabilities. Over ten small, detachable pieces, including multiple heads and hands, present a delightful opportunity for batting, scattering, and ultimately losing under the heaviest furniture. The "30+ points of articulation" might make it a slightly more interesting victim for a pounce, but its true value is in its component parts. A solid C+ for potential, but only if the human is careless enough to leave the accessories where I can get them.

Key Features

  • This Ultimate Edition John Cena action figure and accessory set lets fans of the Superstar capture all the action!
  • The 6-inch John Cena figure comes with 10+ pieces like swappable heads and hands, plus iconic ring gear -- switch up his expression and stance!
  • More than 30 points of articulation allow true-to-life posing for dynamic play and display -- capture a signature move!
  • ​Facial design features TrueFX technology for life-like looks and added collectability.
  • ​WWE fans, kids and collectors can battle for play or display -- makes a great gift to expand any collection!

A Tale from Pete the Cat

It first appeared on the mantle, a new god in the pantheon of meaningless human trinkets. This one was different. It was a brightly colored homunculus, frozen mid-flex, a bizarrely cheerful expression plastered on its face. It watched me. I knew it. As I luxuriated in a prime sunbeam, I could feel its painted-on eyes on my pristine tuxedo coat. I tried to ignore it, to dismiss it as another piece of domestic clutter, but its silent, static judgment was unnerving. It saw me nap. It saw me demand dinner. It saw me methodically shred the corner of the new armchair. And it just smiled. The next morning, the horror was amplified. My human had been fiddling with the idol. The smiling head was gone, replaced by one with a grimace, its mouth open in a silent, furious yell. The change was deeply unsettling. The passive observer had become an accuser. It was no longer just watching; it was shouting its disapproval into the void, a constant, soundless condemnation of my lifestyle. My naps grew fitful. The taste of my salmon pâté turned to ash in my mouth. This plastic tyrant, this "Ultimate Edition" of my own personal torment, had to be deposed. That night, under the sliver of a moonbeam that sliced through the living room blinds, I made my move. A fluid, silent leap from the floor to the armchair, then to the bookshelf, and finally to the mantle. I was a grey shadow, an avenging specter. I came face-to-face with the screaming man. Its "TrueFX" features, so lauded by the box, were genuinely unsettling up close. It looked almost real, a tiny man trapped in an eternity of plastic rage. I did not dignify it with a playful bat. I delivered a single, precise shove with my paw, a calculated act of regicide. It tumbled from its perch, clattering onto the hardwood floor below with a deeply satisfying series of plastic clicks. One of its spare hands popped off upon impact. I hopped down to survey my work. The screaming figure lay prone, defeated. The tiny, detached hand, however, was the true prize. A spoil of war. I nudged the main body out into the middle of the room as a warning, then gleefully batted the miniature hand under the one piece of furniture my human never moves: the ancient, dusty entertainment center. The silent witness was silenced. As a static observer, it was an intolerable psychic burden. As a collection of disparate, scatterable parts, however… it has found its purpose. A most worthy, if brief, adversary.
Image of Mattel WWE Ultimate Edition John Cena 6-inch Action Figure & Accessories Set, 10+ Pieces Include Swappable Heads & Hands (Amazon Exclusive) View Details

2023 Panini Prizm WWE Wrestling Blaster Box - 6 Packs - 24 Trading Cards Inside

By: Panini

Pete's Expert Summary

My human, in their infinite and often baffling wisdom, has presented me with this. It appears to be a cardboard box, which is a promising start. Inside, however, are not soft things for shredding or crinkly things for batting, but smaller, flat cardboard rectangles featuring illustrations of large, noisy humans engaged in what I can only assume is a very aggressive form of pre-fight stretching. The brand, Panini, sounds like some sort of toasted sandwich, which is far more interesting than the contents of this box. The primary appeal here is the box itself, a perfectly adequate, if slightly small, vessel for a nap. The shiny "Prizm" cards within might offer a fleeting moment of distraction as they catch the light, but ultimately, this seems like a profound waste of resources that could have been spent on high-grade tuna or a feather wand with *real* feathers.

Key Features

  • 2023 Panini WWE Prizm Trading Cards Blaster Box

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The Warden placed the cube on the coffee table with an air of reverence I usually reserve for myself. "Panini," the box declared. It sounded vaguely edible, but smelled of ink and disappointment. I observed from the arm of the sofa, my gray fur bristling with skepticism. This was not the tell-tale crinkle of a new bag of treats, nor the promising rattle of a jingle ball. This was the quiet thud of sedentary human amusement. He broke the seal and slid out several smaller, crinkly packets that shimmered under the lamp light. Now *that* sound had potential. It was the sound of secrets, the rustle of a captured moth. My interest was piqued, if only for a moment. The Warden tore open a packet and fanned out the contents. They were stiff, glossy portraits of humans in various states of theatrical distress. He held one up for my inspection. "Look, Pete! It's Cody Rhodes!" The human on the card was shouting, his posture a strange, rigid pose. I analyzed it with my expert eye. His form was terrible. A proper pounce requires a low center of gravity, a coiled spine, and silent paws. This creature was all sound and fury, signifying nothing but an inability to properly stalk a dust bunny. The Warden showed me another, a female with an absurdly long braid. "Bianca Belair!" he chirped. Her braid was clearly an inferior substitute for a proper tail. It lacked the expressive nuance to signal irritation, curiosity, or the imminent demand for dinner. He laid them all out in a grid, a pantheon of failure. Each "Prizm" card refracted the light, casting pathetic little rainbows on the ceiling. It was a gaudy, desperate plea for attention. I saw humans leaping from ropes—a clumsy, graceless fall, not the elegant aerial maneuvering required to reach the top of the bookshelf. I saw them holding up shiny belts, poor imitations of the satisfying weight of a captured mouse. This was not a toy. This was a collection of cautionary tales, a visual encyclopedia of how *not* to be a predator. My verdict was swift and silent. I stood, stretched languidly—demonstrating a lithe, superior form these card-humans could only dream of—and deliberately walked across the entire display. I didn't even grant them the dignity of a swat. As the Warden gathered up his scattered idols, I hopped into the now-empty "Blaster Box." The fit was snug, the corners firm. It would do for a ten-minute nap before I demanded a more worthy form of tribute. The box, a passable throne. The contents, an insult to my intelligence.
Image of 2023 Panini Prizm WWE Wrestling Blaster Box - 6 Packs - 24 Trading Cards Inside View Details

Set of 5 Wrestling Prop Accessories for Wrestling Action Figures

By: Figures Toy Company

Pete's Expert Summary

My human, in his infinite wisdom, has procured a set of what appear to be dollhouse furniture for hooligans. This is a collection of miniature, hard plastic objects clearly intended for the stiff, undignified little statues he enjoys smacking together. I see a ladder for climbing things that aren't drapes, a flimsy-looking chair, a guardrail, a tiny trash can, and a "breakable" table. While most of it seems like a source of annoying clatter, the smaller items like the chair and can might offer a decent skittering-across-the-floor experience when batted with sufficient force. The concept of a table *designed* to be broken, however, piques my professional interest—destruction is my art form, after all. Still, the whole affair is an accessory to the human's noisy games, hardly a main event worthy of my prime napping hours.

Key Features

  • Enhance your wrestling action figure battles with these wrestling figure accessories, designed to provide hours of fun and excitement.
  • This set includes some of the most popular wrestling figure accessories, including a sturdy ladder for high-flying maneuvers, folding chair for intense strikes, guardrail to keep the action contained, trash can for added realism, and breakable table for dramatic moments.
  • Whether you’re setting up epic matches or recreating your favorite wrestling scenes, these accessories add an authentic touch to your wrestling figure play, making every battle feel like the real deal!
  • Compatible with all wrestling action figures. Also a good scale for other 6-8 inch action figures.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The human called it "The Proving Ground." I, from my observation post atop the warm rectangle that hums and glows with moving pictures, called it an insult to the art of conflict. He unboxed the five artifacts and arranged them on the rug, creating a small circle of pathetic mayhem. This was not the silent, patient, deadly dance of the hunt. This was loud, clumsy, and frankly, embarrassing. He babbled about "high spots" and "foreign objects" as if these terms held any real meaning outside of his simplistic primate fantasies. I groomed a shoulder, thoroughly unimpressed. His ritual began. He took one of his little plastic men, a garish fellow in neon trunks, and made him climb the ladder. What was the purpose? There was no plump, sleeping bird at its apex. No precariously balanced vase to nudge. It was a climb to nowhere. Then he used the tiny folding chair to thwack another doll. The resulting *tink* was unsatisfying, a hollow note in the grand symphony of household noises. The guardrail was knocked aside with ease, and the trash can was simply an obstacle. I saw no strategy, no grace. I was preparing to deliver my verdict via a pointed yawn and a slow, deliberate exit when he brought out the final piece. It was the table. It stood there, a miniature, unassuming platform of cheap, brown plastic. He placed the neon man upon it, then took another, larger doll and, with a guttural roar that made me flinch, slammed it down. There was a sharp, clean *CRACK*. The table split perfectly in two. A moment of silence hung in the air. For the first time, I felt a flicker of understanding. This wasn't just random chaos. This was engineered, predictable destruction. It was an object that existed solely to achieve a state of satisfying brokenness. It was, in its own primitive way, a work of art. After the human had gathered his little men and abandoned the "Proving Ground," I descended from my perch. I padded silently across the rug, ignoring the ladder and the useless chair. I approached the two halves of the sundered table. I nudged one piece with my nose. It skittered beautifully across the hardwood, a perfect low-profile puck. I pounced on the other half, pinning it with a soft but firm paw. Yes. The others were mere toys for a child. This... this was a puzzle in two pieces. A trophy. I had found the one item in the set worthy of being lost under the sofa for six months. Verdict: The table is a masterpiece. The rest is rubbish.
Image of Set of 5 Wrestling Prop Accessories for Wrestling Action Figures View Details

Mattel WWE Wrekkin' Kickout Ring Playset with Accessories & 2 Play Modes, Includes Launcher, Crane, WWE Championship & More, 13-inch x 20-inch

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to believe my life lacks a certain... theatricality. This offering from Mattel, the "Wrekkin' Kickout Ring," is, by its very design, a stage for mindless, noisy conflict between garishly painted plastic hominids. It's an enormous plastic square, offensively large, really, with a scaffold and other bits clearly designed to be broken and reassembled. I suppose the "launcher" feature has some minimal potential for providing a fleeting, airborne target, which might momentarily distract me from a sunbeam. The true appeal, however, is likely its sheer size. It’s a pre-constructed fortress, a raised dais from which I can survey my domain. The rest—the breaking, the wrekkin', the kicking out—is just crude window dressing for what is, essentially, a new and moderately interesting bed.

Key Features

  • Recreate unpredictable finishes – in or out of the ring – with the WWE Wrekkin Kickout Ring playset!
  • The action-Packed ring stands more than 20-in / 50.8-cm tall and features 2 ways to play!
  • Choose Ref Mode when it's time to go for the pin or set to Launcher Mode to send a Superstar figure flying toward the WWE Championship or to an opponent on the outside.
  • Includes a breakaway scaffold crane, breakaway table, and WWE Championship to amp up the action with iconic WWE accessories.
  • Packed with match-enhancing features, the WWE ring playset makes a great gift for WWE fans and kids ages 6 and up -they can collect WWE action figures and see who comes out on top (sold separately, subject to availability).

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The thing arrived in a box far more promising than its contents. When The Human finally wrestled the plastic coliseum from its cardboard prison, the smell of a distant factory filled my otherwise pristine air. He placed it on the floor with a grunt, a monument to poor taste, and began making booming noises while smashing two little muscle-men together. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail twitching in profound irritation. It was a circus, a crude pantomime for the simple-minded. My only interest was in how quickly it would be relegated to a corner to gather dust, a fate it so richly deserved. Hours later, silence reclaimed the living room. The Human was gone, likely to procure more of my refrigerated pâté. I descended from my perch, circling the plastic arena with the cautious grace of a predator investigating a strange new watering hole. The "ropes" were a flimsy elastic, unworthy of a good chew. The "breakaway table" felt cheap. But then I saw it. Tucked in a corner was a small lever, and perched precariously on a post was a shiny, gold-colored object—the "Championship." My pupils dilated. A new shiny thing. And a lever. Levers, I have learned, often lead to glorious chaos. My first leap was effortless. I landed in the center of the ring, the plastic canvas yielding slightly under my perfect weight. It was surprisingly spacious. I nudged one of the plastic men with my nose. It tipped over with a pathetic clatter. Boring. I turned my attention to the lever. A gentle, testing pat with my paw. Nothing. A more insistent press. With a loud *sproing*, the plastic man nearest the device was catapulted from the ring, tumbling through the air before landing unceremoniously by the bookcase. My ears perked. My tail gave a single, authoritative thump against the canvas. This was... unexpected. This was *magnificent*. I spent the next hour mastering the device, launching the little men into the shadowy voids beneath the furniture, a one-cat demolition crew. I shattered the breakaway table with a well-aimed pounce from the top rope—which I scaled with the ease of a leopard—and sent the ridiculous scaffold crane tumbling down. Finally, all rivals vanquished, I settled in the center of my conquered territory. I hooked the shiny championship belt with a claw and dragged it closer, using its gaudy faceplate as a pillow. The ring was not a toy. It was my throne room, my victory dais. And from its glorious, slightly-too-plastic-smelling heights, I would reign.
Image of Mattel WWE Wrekkin' Kickout Ring Playset with Accessories & 2 Play Modes, Includes Launcher, Crane, WWE Championship & More, 13-inch x 20-inch View Details

Mattel WWE Jey USO Action Figure, Main Event Series #153 6-inch Collectible with 10 Articulation Points & Life-Like Look

By: Mattel

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has presented me with what they seem to think is a "toy." It is, in fact, a six-inch plastic effigy of some kind of loud, shirtless primate from their "WWE" television rituals. This particular specimen, a "Jey USO" made by Mattel, is apparently a big deal, though I fail to see the appeal. It boasts a "life-like" face that is frankly unsettling in its lack of whiskers and its static, vaguely constipated expression. They speak of "10 points of articulation," which sounds impressive but translates to a body that is disappointingly rigid and entirely unchewable. While it might serve as a temporary doorstop or a passable object to knock off a high shelf in a fit of pique, it lacks the fundamental qualities of a proper plaything: it does not crinkle, it does not flutter, and it cannot be satisfyingly disemboweled. A profound waste of plastic.

Key Features

  • WWE action figures bring fan-favorite Superstars to life in 6-inch scale!
  • Each figure is detailed with TrueFX technology for life-like faces and added collectability!
  • Fans can recreate signature moves with 10 points of articulation for dynamic posing!
  • Reenact favorite WWE matches or create new rivalries and moves for play and display!
  • WWE fans can find their favorite Superstar figure or can collect them all (each sold separately, subject to availability).

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The insult was not the object itself, but its placement. My human, with the casual blasphemy only a biped can possess, set the small, muscular doll on the Sacred Mantelpiece. This was *my* mantelpiece, the paramount peak from which I survey my kingdom, its sun-warmed marble the perfect temperature for an afternoon of discerning judgment. And now, this six-inch interloper stood there, his arms frozen mid-pose, his eerily realistic eyes staring directly at my favorite napping cushion. A silent challenge had been issued. I did not deign to engage it directly at first. That would be uncivilized. Instead, I began a campaign of subtle psychological warfare. I would leap onto the mantel and sit with my back to it, pointedly ignoring its existence while my tail-tip twitched a furious rhythm against the marble. I would stare at it from across the room, my eyes narrowed to slits, projecting an aura of pure, concentrated feline loathing until the human would nervously ask what I was looking at. The doll, with its "TrueFX" face, stared back, its expression of grim determination an infuriatingly constant mockery. My breakthrough came on the third day. As I wove between the decorative photo frames, my shoulder "accidentally" brushed against the figure. It didn't fall. Instead, thanks to one of its "10 points of articulation," its arm pivoted upward, as if pointing to the ceiling. Later that day, I heard the human mutter, "Huh, I don't remember leaving him like that." A spark of glorious, malicious inspiration ignited in my brilliant mind. This creature was not a rival; it was a pawn. Over the next week, I became a ghost, a sculptor of silent messages. A gentle nudge with my nose, and Jey USO's head was tilted in disapproval at the wilting houseplant. A soft pat with a paw, and his leg was bent, as if kicking over a nearby candle (unlit, of course; I am a manipulator, not an arsonist). My human grew increasingly bewildered, convinced they were becoming forgetful. They would reposition the figure, only to find it later with both arms raised in surrender, a pose I had meticulously crafted with two careful headbutts. The Jey USO action figure is, by all objective measures, a terrible cat toy. It is hard, unyielding, and utterly devoid of playability. However, as an instrument for psychological manipulation and a tool for subtly tormenting my bumbling staff, it is an unparalleled masterpiece. It has earned its place on the mantel. Not as a warrior, but as my silent, plastic vizier in the grand court of my home.
Image of Mattel WWE Jey USO Action Figure, Main Event Series #153 6-inch Collectible with 10 Articulation Points & Life-Like Look View Details