A photo of Pete the cat

Pete's Toy Box: G.I. Joe

G.I. Joe Classified Series #182, Clayton “Hawk” Abernathy with M.M.S. (Mobile Missile System) Towable Vehicle, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure Set

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

So, the human has procured another plastic doll, this one apparently a "General" of some sort named Clayton, though the box calls him "Hawk." A misnomer, if you ask me; I see no feathers, only a preposterous helmet. He comes with what appears to be a snack cart, but instead of treats, it's laden with missiles and other small, plastic bits that look perfectly sized for batting into the dark abyss under the furnace. The primary appeal here is not the doll itself—he's a bit stiff and sterile for my taste—but the sheer quantity of accessories. The "Mobile Missile System" offers a promising array of tiny, tantalizing objects to be liberated from their plastic moorings and strategically relocated. While the man-figure might be a waste of my napping time, his arsenal is a treasure trove of future mischief.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy figures fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC CLAYTON “HAWK” ABERNATHY WITH M.M.S. (MOBILE MISSILE SYSTEM)-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic design updated to bring the G.I. Joe Missile Commander with 10 pieces and missile launcher with 15 pieces into the modern era
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series Clayton “Hawk” Abernathy action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dazzling dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • COLLECTIBLE WINDOWED PACKAGING: #182 in the Classified Series sequence. The open-box display showcases the figure along with accessory loadout, figure-specific File Card Icons, gorgeous original character artwork, and dynamic digital renders
  • KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This Clayton “Hawk” Abernathy with M.M.S. (Mobile Missile System) figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The air in my study—the humans call it the "living room"—was thick with the scent of fresh plastic and cardboard. My human, with the focused intensity he usually reserves for untangling his electronic spaghetti, was meticulously assembling a new shrine on the coffee table. From my vantage point atop the bookshelf, I watched him construct a strange, wheeled altar and place a small, rigid idol upon it. He called it "Hawk," a commander of some tiny, imaginary army. An offering, clearly. But for what? A tribute to my silent, watchful judgment? I waited until the house fell into the deep quiet of late evening, the only sound the gentle hum of the glowing screensaver on the giant black rectangle. I descended from my perch with the grace of falling shadow and approached the offering. The plastic man, "Hawk," stood frozen in a pose of what the human probably thought was "dynamic." To me, it looked like he was about to trip. The main event, however, was the wheeled contraption beside him. The "Mobile Missile System." It was a vehicle not of war, but of opportunity. I saw not a weapon, but a puzzle. A challenge. My first test was a simple nudge of the cart's wheel. It glided a few inches, silent and smooth. Acceptable. Next, the missiles. They were clipped onto the launcher, tiny gray cylinders of pure temptation. With a delicate, practiced hook of a single claw, I popped one free. It fell to the rug with a soft *thump*. I batted it once, twice. It tumbled end over end, a perfect, silent prey. I then dedicated the next hour to a mission of my own devising: Operation Disarmament. One by one, I liberated each of the fifteen missiles and ten personal accessories. The tiny helmet, the minuscule sidearm, the various packs—all were carefully escorted to separate, secure locations under the sofa, behind the drapes, and deep within the toy basket, buried beneath lesser amusements. By the time the first hints of dawn bled through the window, my work was done. The wheeled altar was barren. The plastic idol, Hawk, stood alone, stripped of his purpose and his gear, looking utterly bewildered. I nudged him with my nose, and he toppled over onto the rug with a hollow clatter, his "exceptional detailing" failing to save him from gravity. The toy wasn't for pouncing or chasing. It was a test of strategy and stealth. A truly magnificent exercise in entropy. It had proven worthy, not as a plaything, but as a project. The human would be so confused. And I, Pete, would be content.
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G.I. Joe Classified Series #120, Cobra Night Attack 4-WD Stinger & Driver, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure & Vehicle with 8 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to have acquired yet another plastic effigy, this time dedicated to some villainous organization named after a perfectly respectable reptile. This "G.I. Joe Classified Series" item appears to be a small, articulated doll of a masked chauffeur and his oversized, weaponized dune buggy. The primary appeal for a being of my refinement is not the doll itself, which seems destined for a life of being posed in ridiculous, unnatural positions, but the sheer quantity of small, loseable parts. With 8 accessories for the driver and another 21 for his vehicle, this product is less a toy and more a treasure trove of tiny plastic bits perfect for batting under the heaviest and most inaccessible furniture in the entire house. The vehicle's "functioning suspension" might provide a mildly amusing bounce when pushed off the coffee table, but the true value lies in the inevitable, frantic human search for a microscopic helmet.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC COBRA DRIVER-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic design updated to bring the Cobra Infantry Drivers into the modern era in a Deluxe Troop-building pack with 8 accessory pieces inspired by the character’s rich history
  • LARGE-SCALE VEHICLES ROLL INTO ACTION: The multi-seat COBRA NIGHT ATTACK 4-WD STINGER features functioning wheels and suspension among 21 accessory pieces that are easy to assemble or attach (Some Assembly Required)
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series Cobra Night Attack 4-WD Stinger & Driver action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dynamic dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • COLLECTIBLE WINDOWED PACKAGING: #120 in the Classified Series sequence. The figure is visible via a window display peeking into a closed box with accessory loadout, figure-specific File Card Icons, gorgeous original character artwork, and dynamic digital renders
  • EXPAND YOUR COLLECTION: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This Cobra Night Attack 4-WD Stinger & Driver figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The box was a monument to poor taste, all garish colors and digital renderings. The human spent an obscene amount of time assembling the contents, making little 'vroom vroom' noises that grated on my nerves. Finally, he placed the finished product on the living room rug—a dark, angular vehicle and its masked pilot, frozen in a posture of what I assume was meant to be menace. I watched from the arm of the sofa, tail twitching in disdain. An intruder. A plastic, silent invader in my sovereign territory. I descended with the deliberate grace of a predator investigating a strange new fungus. I circled the "Night Attack 4-WD Stinger." It smelled faintly of a factory in a land I have no desire to visit. I gave one of the rubbery tires a tentative pat. It yielded slightly and wobbled on its suspension. Intriguing, but hardly a challenge. My attention turned to the driver. He stood there, holding a tiny rifle, his face hidden behind a silver mask. He was an operative of "Cobra," the box had said. A spy. He was clearly here to map my napping spots and report them back to his slithering masters. This aggression would not stand. My initial probe was a gentle shove with my head. The figure, top-heavy and poorly balanced, toppled over with a pathetic clatter. Pathetic. I am used to prey that at least *tries* to flee. I pinned him with a single, soft paw, bringing my face close to his. "State your purpose," I growled, a low thrum in my chest. "Who sent you? What intelligence are you gathering?" He remained silent, his painted eyes staring into nothingness. I saw then that his tiny rifle had fallen from his grasp. It was a separate piece. A small, black, perfectly shaped object for a game of floor hockey. I forgot the prisoner immediately. The rifle was the prize. A quick bat sent it skittering across the hardwood, its journey ending beneath the entertainment center, a place from which no object returns without a yardstick and a great deal of human cursing. A perfect shot. I looked back at the scene. The driver was still face-down on the rug, his useless car sitting beside him. It occurred to me that this Cobra agent wasn't the threat; he was merely a delivery vessel. A mule for high-quality chaos-inducers. He and his vehicle were static and boring, but the debris field they created was a playground of endless possibility. He may be an enemy agent, but his mission had, inadvertently, served my interests perfectly. He can stay, for now.
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G.I. Joe Classified Series #174, Kyle Budo Jesso, Deluxe Collectible 6 Inch Samurai Action Figure with 19 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has acquired another one of its plastic idols, this one a "G.I. Joe" brand doll called Kyle "Budo" Jesso. It's a small, posable man-figure in what appears to be highly impractical pajamas meant to evoke a "Samurai." Apparently, its sole purpose is to stand motionless on a shelf, a tribute to the human's arrested development. While the doll itself is an inert piece of plastic, utterly devoid of softness or chewability, its advertised "19 accessories" present a glimmer of potential. That's nineteen delightfully small, intricate items perfectly sized for batting under the heaviest furniture or, if I'm feeling particularly inspired, hiding inside the human's shoes. It’s an interactive gravity experiment waiting to happen, though likely one that will result in loud, displeased noises from my staff.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy figures fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC KYLE "BUDO" JESSO-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic design updated to bring the G.I. Joe Samurai Warrior into the modern era and 19 accessory pieces inspired by the character’s rich history
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series Kyle "Budo" Jesso action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dazzling dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • COLLECTIBLE WINDOWED PACKAGING: #174 in the Classified Series sequence. The open-box display showcases the figure along with accessory loadout, figure-specific File Card Icons, gorgeous original character artwork, and dynamic digital renders
  • KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This Kyle "Budo" Jesso figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The Unboxing was a ceremony of insufferable reverence. My human, with the focused intensity of a brain surgeon, liberated the plastic warrior and its arsenal from their clear prison. He called him "Budo." Each tiny piece—the helmets, the swords, the weird little bladed pole—was arranged on the mantelpiece with tweezers. Budo was then posed, one leg bent, a sword held aloft, the picture of frozen, pointless aggression. I observed this ritual from the arm of the sofa, my tail twitching in profound judgment. An idol had been placed on the altar. It was a challenge. That night, under the pale glow of the streetlights filtering through the blinds, I began my work. I am a shadow, a whisper of gray fur in the darkness. My first pilgrimage to the mantel was a simple reconnaissance mission. My target: the smaller of the two helmets, the one that looked like an aggressive acorn. A single, precise tap was all it took. It skittered across the wood, and with a soft *tink*, vanished over the edge into the shag rug below. I did not retrieve it. Its new home was now The Void. I retired to my sleeping cushion, a deep sense of satisfaction warming my belly. The next morning, chaos. Mild, human-centric chaos, but chaos nonetheless. "Where did his other helmet go?" The human was on his hands and knees, patting the floor like a confused bear. I watched, pretending to be absorbed in cleaning a paw. He eventually gave up, muttering about it "disappearing into thin air." This was my signal. Phase Two was afoot. That evening, I chose one of the tiny, elegant swords. With immense stealth, I carried it in my mouth to the kitchen and deposited it, with surgical precision, directly into the ice cube tray. The climax arrived two days later when the human, craving a cold beverage, was confronted with a tiny samurai sword frozen in a block of ice. The sound he made was a beautiful symphony of confusion and dawning horror. He looked from the ice cube to the disarmed Budo on the mantel, then to me, sleeping angelically in a sunbeam. He could prove nothing. This Budo figure, in and of itself, is a waste of premium plastic. But as a catalyst for my own private game of psychological warfare? As a generator of tiny, losable objects with which to torment my bipedal warden? In that, it is a masterpiece. The toy is not for me, but the *game* it enables is of the highest quality. It can stay.
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series #174, Kyle Budo Jesso, Deluxe Collectible 6 Inch Samurai Action Figure with 19 Accessories View Details

G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback B.A.T. (Battle Android Trooper), Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 11 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has procured another plastic man-doll, this one a "Battle Android Trooper" from a brand that seems to glorify loud noises. From my vantage point on the sofa, it appears to be a stiff, six-inch effigy designed for nothing more than collecting dust on a shelf. The human seems impressed by its "articulation" and "premium deco," which are meaningless terms to a being of my refined taste. However, its true potential lies not in its poseability, but in its fallibility. It comes with eleven small, detachable trinkets, which I recognize immediately as prime candidates for batting under the heaviest furniture. While the robot itself is an inanimate bore, the act of toppling it and scattering its many pieces promises a brief but satisfying diversion from my napping schedule.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy figures fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC B.A.T. (BATTLE ANDROID TROOPER)-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic deco and design of the Cobra cannon fodder that fans of the original 1980s G.I. Joe characters will love and 11 accessory pieces inspired by the character’s rich history
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series B.A.T. (Battle Android Trooper) action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dazzling dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • CLASSIC-CARDBACK INSPIRED PACKAGING: This B.A.T. (Battle Android Trooper) comes on a blister pack card with design and character art inspired by the classic A Real American Hero figure line that is perfect for display
  • EXPAND YOUR COLLECTION: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • TROOP-BUILD YOUR COBRA FORCES: Adding multiple B.A.T. figures to your collection and posing them with their accessories allows you to send hordes of Cobra villains up against your heroic G.I. Joe figures
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This B.A.T. (Battle Android Trooper) figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

It arrived in a crinkly, transparent prison that the human tore open with a regrettable lack of ceremony. He called the plastic figure a "B.A.T.," and immediately began twisting its limbs into unnatural positions. I watched from the arm of the chair, my tail giving a slow, judgmental thump-thump-thump against the upholstery. This was no mere toy. This was an interloper. The human placed it on the mantelpiece, its bright yellow chest and menacing red faceplate a garish blight against the tasteful decor. It stood there, motionless and silent, a sentinel of poor taste. I narrowed my eyes. This was clearly a challenge. For the next hour, I conducted a thorough reconnaissance. I circled the living room, viewing the android from every conceivable angle. It did not blink. It did not breathe. Its soulless gaze followed me everywhere. The human had armed it with some sort of claw-hand, a feature I found particularly offensive. Was this automaton meant to mock my own perfectly functional, murder-capable paws? I leaped silently onto the end table, bringing myself to its level. I could smell the faint, sterile scent of factory plastic. A low growl rumbled in my chest. This stoic guardian of the fireplace had to be tested. My first move was subtle—a casual tail-flick meant to brush against its leg. The B.A.T. wobbled but, thanks to its "highly poseable" joints, held its ground. Impressive, but foolish. Escalation was required. I crept closer, my gray tuxedo-furred form a shadow against the beige wall. I rose onto my hind legs, placing a soft but firm paw against its chest. I applied steady, increasing pressure, a master of physics testing the object's center of gravity. For a moment, it resisted. Then, with a delightful clatter, it pitched forward off the mantel. It landed on the hardwood floor with a plastic *clack*, and three of its eleven precious accessories skittered in different directions. One small blaster disappeared under the entertainment center, a place from which no human hand can retrieve it. I hopped down, nudged the disarmed, dismembered trooper with my nose, and then gave its detached claw a definitive bat that sent it spinning into the dark abyss beneath the sofa. The android itself was a clumsy oaf, but its capacity for chaotic disassembly was first-rate. It wasn't a playmate; it was a puzzle of gravitational potential. Worthy, indeed. The mission was a success.
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G.I. Joe Classified Series #173, SGT Slaughter & Felix Mercer Stratton, 2 Collectible 6 Inch Action Figures with 26 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

My human, in his infinite and baffling wisdom, has acquired what appear to be two miniature, muscle-bound dolls. He calls them "G.I. Joe Classified Series" figures, which I can only assume is a fancy term for "dust collectors." They are Sgt. Slaughter, a man whose chin could serve as a formidable doorstop, and some other fellow named Mercer. The appeal for my staff seems to be their "poseability" and "premium detailing," which means he will spend hours arranging them into heroic stances that I will later have to correct with a well-placed nudge. For me, the true value lies not in the plastic men themselves, but in the promised "26 accessories." These tiny, eminently losable plastic morsels are the real prize—perfect for batting under the heaviest furniture and ensuring my human gets his daily exercise on his hands and knees. The figures are a distraction; the tiny bits are the main event.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy figures fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC SGT SLAUGHTER & FELIX "MERCER" STRATTON-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic design updated to bring the G.I. Joe Drill Sergeant and Renegade from G.I. Joe: The Movie into the modern era and 26 accessory pieces inspired by the characters' rich history
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series Sgt Slaughter & Felix "Mercer" Stratton action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dazzling dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • COLLECTIBLE WINDOWED PACKAGING: #173 in the Classified Series sequence. The open-box display showcases the figure along with accessory loadout, figure-specific File Card Icons, gorgeous original character artwork, and dynamic digital renders
  • KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains to recreate your favorite scenes from G.I. Joe: The Movie (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This Sgt Slaughter & Felix "Mercer" Stratton figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The coffee table had become a stage for a silent, ridiculous play. My human, with the focused intensity of a surgeon, had positioned the two plastic soldiers in a diorama of utter stillness. The large one, the one with the ludicrous jawline and sunglasses he wore *indoors*, was posed as if shouting unheard orders. The other, the "Renegade," knelt beside him, aiming a tiny black rifle at an imaginary foe that was likely a dust bunny I'd been cultivating near the bookcase. They were frozen, monuments to my human's peculiar sense of drama. I watched from my throne on the arm of the sofa, my tail giving a slow, critical twitch. It was all so… static. So unnatural. Once the human left the room, presumably to fetch a beverage to celebrate his artistic achievement, I glided from my perch. The silence of my paws on the hardwood floor was absolute. This was not a mission of destruction, but of artistic improvement. I approached the table and peered at the scene. The sheer quantity of tiny, unattended equipment was an affront to the laws of entropy. A canteen, a knife, a sidearm—all sitting there, just *being*. It wouldn't do. My initial target was Mercer’s rifle. It was the centerpiece of his pose, the source of his plastic purpose. With the delicate precision only a cat can possess, I extended a single claw from my soft, gray paw. I didn't swat. I *plinked*. I hooked the very tip of the barrel and gave a gentle, calculated tug. The rifle popped from the figure’s grasp and skittered across the polished wood of the table, coming to rest near the edge. The scene was instantly more dynamic, telling a new story: one of disarmament, of vulnerability. It was better. But the shouting man, Sgt. Slaughter, still stood, his authority now baseless without his armed companion. He offended my sense of quietude. I placed my nose against his plastic boot and pushed. He was surprisingly stable. This was a challenge of physics, not just aesthetics. I backed up, gathered my haunches, and gave him a solid, tuxedo-chested shove. He tipped, wobbled for a dramatic moment, and then fell with a satisfying *clack*, knocking over his compatriot in a domino effect of failure. The tiny accessories scattered. Now *this* was a diorama. A scene of chaos, of consequence, of reality. The figures themselves were merely clumsy gravity-testing devices, but their potential to distribute their delightful clutter across my domain? Unmatched. This product, I decided, was worthy. Very worthy indeed.
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series #173, SGT Slaughter & Felix Mercer Stratton, 2 Collectible 6 Inch Action Figures with 26 Accessories View Details

G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback G.I. Joe Trooper, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 14 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has brought another plastic effigy into my domain, this one a small, six-inch man clad in a rather drab green uniform. They call it a "G.I. Joe Trooper," apparently a throwback to some primitive human entertainment from the last century. From my perspective, its primary value lies not in the figure itself—which is doomed to be knocked from a great height—but in the fourteen minuscule accessories it comes with. These tiny plastic bits are the perfect size and weight for batting across the hardwood floors and, most importantly, for hiding under furniture where the clumsy human can't reach. The figure's "high articulation" is a minor point of interest, as it means I can leave it in more creatively undignified positions. Ultimately, it’s a static object, but its potential for creating small-scale, satisfying chaos makes it a marginal improvement over a rock.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy figures fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC G.I. JOE TROOPER-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic deco and design of the G.I. Joe "Greenshirt" that fans of the original 1980s G.I. Joe characters will love and 14 accessory pieces inspired by the character’s rich history
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series G.I. Joe Trooper action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dazzling dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • CLASSIC-CARDBACK INSPIRED PACKAGING: This G.I. Joe Trooper comes on a blister pack card with design and character art inspired by the classic A Real American Hero figure line that is perfect for display
  • EXPAND YOUR COLLECTION: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • TROOP-BUILD YOUR G.I. JOE FORCES: Adding multiple G.I. Joe Trooper figures to your collection and posing them with their accessories allows you to provide support staff and reinforcements to your heroic G.I. Joe figures
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This G.I. Joe Trooper figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The invasion began on the mantelpiece. My human, with a disturbing glint in his eye, liberated not one, but three of the little green men from their plastic-and-cardboard prisons. He arranged them in a tidy line, a miniature occupying force staring blankly into my living room. Their presence was an affront, a challenge to my sovereign rule. They stood there, motionless and smug, with their tiny helmets and useless-looking weapons. An open attack was out of the question; that would be predictable and would only result in scolding. No, this called for a more subtle, psychological approach. I waited until the dead of night, when the only light was the glow from the modem, a beacon in the darkness. I made the leap to the mantel with a silence that would shame a shadow. My targets were arranged as a "diorama," a word the human had used with far too much pride. I approached the first soldier. He was a simple "trooper," a grunt. With a delicate nudge of my nose, I sent his helmet tumbling into the abyss between the mantel and the wall. It made a satisfyingly tiny *plink* on the floor below. One down. The next soldier was armed. I studied his little rifle, a pathetic piece of plastic. Using a single, precise claw, I flicked it from his grasp. It skittered across the polished wood and came to rest beside a decorative vase. Now he was just a man in a green suit, looking helpless. The true masterpiece, however, was reserved for the one my human seemed to have designated the leader. I didn't disarm him. Instead, I carefully manipulated his articulated limbs, bending his knees and twisting his torso until he was posed in a perfect, deep bow before a large, particularly majestic dust bunny I'd been cultivating near the edge. A proper display of fealty. The following morning, I watched from my perch on the armchair as the human discovered my work. He didn't yell. He just stared, a look of profound confusion on his face. He picked up the disarmed soldier, peered behind the vase for the rifle, and then looked at the one bowing to the dust bunny with a sigh. He "fixed" them, but the point was made. These figures aren't a toy for him; they are a medium for me. Their poseable bodies and numerous, easily misplaced parts make them exquisite tools for asserting my dominance through subtle, bewildering sabotage. They are worthy. Not as prey, but as pawns in my quiet war for household supremacy.
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G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Cobra Viper, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 13 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

So, my Human has procured another plastic man-doll, this one from a syndicate known as "G.I. Joe." It's a "Cobra Viper," a name with a rather delightful, villainous hiss to it. For a creature of my discerning tastes, the primary figure—a six-inch blue fellow—is somewhat oversized for a proper hunt, though its many joints suggest it could be contorted into amusingly undignified positions after being swatted from a bookshelf. The true value, however, is not the doll itself, but the treasure trove of *thirteen* small accessories. These are prime, Grade-A skitter-toys, perfectly sized for batting under the heaviest furniture and forcing the Human to his knees in a desperate search. While the main attraction may be a bit of a bore, its accompanying tribute of tiny plastic offerings makes this a potentially worthwhile endeavor.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy figures fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC COBRA VIPER-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic deco and design of the Cobra Infanty trooper that fans of the original 1980s G.I. Joe characters will love and 13 accessory pieces inspired by the character’s rich history
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series Cobra Viper action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dynamic dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • CLASSIC-CARDBACK INSPIRED PACKAGING: This Cobra Viper comes on a blister pack card with design and character art inspired by the classic A Real American Hero figure line that is perfect for display
  • EXPAND YOUR COLLECTION: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • TROOP-BUILD YOUR COBRA FORCES: Adding multiple Cobra Viper figures to your collection and posing them with their accessories allows you to send hordes of Cobra villains up against your heroic G.I. Joe figures
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This Cobra Viper figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The breach occurred at 1600 hours, standard nap time. The sound was a horrific crinkle, the tearing of a plastic prison from its cardboard backing. My ears swiveled, my tail gave a single, irritated thump against the velvet cushion. From my perch atop the credenza, I watched the Human liberate the blue-clad intruder. He called it a "Cobra Viper," placing it on the polished surface of the coffee table. It stood there, a silent, helmeted sentry in the very heart of my domain, its tiny rifle held at the ready. An invasion. And I, Pete, was the sole guardian of this territory. I descended from my command post with practiced silence, my paws making no sound on the hardwood floor. I circled the table, a low growl rumbling in my chest. The intruder was rigid, unmoving, but its posture was an open challenge. The Human had left its "accessories" scattered around its feet like offerings. A backpack. Goggles. Various implements of plastic warfare. These were its supplies, its foothold in my world. I leaped onto the table, my gray tuxedo immaculate against the dark wood. I sniffed the figure. It smelled of industry and defiance. My first move was strategic. I ignored the main figure and focused on crippling its logistics. A gentle pat with a single, extended claw sent the small black rifle skittering across the table and over the edge, disappearing into the dark abyss beneath the sofa. One down. Next, the backpack. A more substantial piece. I hooked it with my paw and flicked it, watching it tumble end over end before landing silently on the rug. The enemy was now disarmed and unsupplied. All that remained was the soldier itself. It stood there, still impassive. This called for a full-frontal assault. I lowered my head, took two steps back, and charged. The impact was glorious. The "highly poseable" figure crumpled instantly, its articulated limbs folding in a chaotic heap. It clattered to the floor, landing in a posture of complete and utter surrender. I stood over my vanquished foe, the undisputed master of my living room, and let out a triumphant purr. This was no mere toy. This was a worthy adversary, a fantastic training simulator for repelling boarders. This "Cobra Viper" was, I concluded, a most excellent gift. The hunt for its remaining twelve accessories could begin at dawn.
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G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Craig “Rock ’N Roll” McConnel, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 9 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has procured another plastic effigy, this one a "G.I. Joe" named "Rock 'N Roll," a preposterous title for a small, bearded doll. It purports to be a "collectible" for grown humans, which usually means it's destined to gather dust on a shelf, a tragic waste of a perfectly good vantage point. From my perspective, its primary value lies not in the six-inch, hyper-posable man-figure—though his articulation might provide some fleeting entertainment when I eventually knock him over. No, the real treasure is the collection of nine tiny accessories. These small, plastic morsels are optimally shaped for batting, chasing, and, most importantly, hiding in places the clumsy human foot cannot reach and the vacuum cleaner cannot find. The main figure is likely a bore, but his equipment shows promise for a proper skirmish.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy figures fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC CRAIG “ROCK ’N ROLL” MCCONNEL-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic deco and design of the G.I. Joe Machine Gunner that fans of the original 1980s G.I. Joe characters will love and 9 accessory pieces inspired by the character’s rich history
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series Craig “Rock ’N Roll” McConnel action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dynamic dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • CLASSIC-CARDBACK INSPIRED PACKAGING: This Craig “Rock ’N Roll” McConnel comes on a blister pack card with design and character art inspired by the classic A Real American Hero figure line that is perfect for display
  • EXPAND YOUR COLLECTION: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)
  • A PERFECT PRESENT: This Craig “Rock ’N Roll” McConnel figure makes a great gift for lifelong fans of G.I. Joe toys or for boys and girls who love action and adventure

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The human called it an "investment." He held the thing aloft, trapped in its crystal-clear prison against a sheet of garishly colored cardboard. "Look, Pete," he cooed, "a Retro Cardback Rock 'N Roll. Mint condition." He placed it on the highest shelf of the living room bookcase, a new plastic warden watching over my domain. For days, it stood there, its painted eyes staring into nothing, its tiny, absurdly large gun held at the ready. The human would occasionally gaze up at it with a reverence I typically reserve for a freshly opened can of tuna. An intruder. A silent, unblinking sentinel of poor taste. I decided it could not stand. My initial plan was a simple gravitational assault, a swift shove from the shelf to the unforgiving hardwood below. But that felt crude, unworthy of my intellect. The true insult, I realized, was not to destroy the figure, but to devalue the "investment." The human's joy was tied to its completeness, its pristine state within the packaging. The figure itself was worthless; the accessories, sealed within their plastic bubble, were the key. The helmet, the ammo belt, the bipod... they were the jewels, and I, a connoisseur of chaos, would be their liberator. The operation commenced at 3:17 AM, the hour of maximum stealth. A leap from the floor to the armchair, a silent bound to the credenza, and a final, graceful spring onto the bookcase. I was now face-to-face with the plastic man. I ignored him. My target was the packaging itself. I used a single, sharp claw to probe the edge where the plastic bubble met the cardboard backing. The human had been careless. A small gap. I worked it, gently at first, then with the focused intensity of a cat who has spotted a sunbeam's edge. With a sound like tearing fabric, the bubble peeled away from its cardboard tomb. It was an avalanche of tiny plastic treasures. The figure tumbled out, landing with a pathetic clatter on a stack of books. I paid it no mind. My eyes were on the real prize: the tiny, two-pronged bipod that had detached from the main weapon. It was perfect. Small enough to be a challenge, light enough to fly, and complex enough to make a satisfyingly frantic skittering noise across the floor. I nudged it with my nose, then gave it a firm pat, sending it rocketing off the shelf and directly under the heaviest, most immovable piece of furniture in the room. The mission was a resounding success. The plastic man could keep his post; his purpose, as a mere delivery vessel for superior toys, had been fulfilled. It was, I grudgingly admit, a very well-designed puzzle box.
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G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Duke, Collectible 6-Inch Action Figure with 10 Accessories

By: G.I. Joe

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has brought another piece of plastic into my domain. This one is a small, rigid man they call "Duke," apparently some sort of soldier from a bygone era meant for display. He comes with an arsenal of ten tiny plastic bits—a helmet, a pack, various implements of no doubt trivial importance—that are practically begging to be batted under the heaviest piece of furniture in the house. The creature itself is said to be "highly poseable," but let's be honest, the only pose that matters is "on the floor after I've pushed it off the shelf." It seems this is yet another object designed for the human's visual satisfaction, offering me, a being of refined taste and action, absolutely nothing of value beyond the momentary thrill of knocking it over. A complete waste of my energy, unless those accessories prove to be exceptionally skittery on the hardwood floors.

Key Features

  • YO JOE! G.I. JOE EXPLODES INTO A LARGER-THAN-LIFE ERA WITH 6 INCH ACTION FIGURES: The G.I. Joe Classified Series evolves the retro toy fans know and love into a highly articulated 6-inch (150 mm) scale with premium deco and detailing
  • CLASSIC DUKE-INSPIRED DESIGN: Features a classic deco and design of the G.I. Joe First Sergeant that fans of the original 1980s G.I. Joe characters will love and 10 accessory pieces inspired by the character’s rich history
  • HIGHLY POSEABLE WITH PREMIUM DETAILING: G.I. Joe Classified Series Duke action figure set features exceptional detailing and articulation for cool poseability to create dynamic dioramas (some poses may require additional support)
  • CLASSIC-CARDBACK INSPIRED PACKAGING: This Duke comes on a blister pack card with design and character art inspired by the classic Real American Hero figure line that is perfect for display
  • EXPAND YOUR COLLECTION: Look for other G.I. Joe figures and toys to build your roster of heroes and Cobra villains (Each sold separately. Subject to availability.)

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The operation began at dusk, as the last rays of sun vacated my favorite spot on the rug. The human had positioned the target, codenamed "Duke," on the mahogany desk, a silent, sand-colored sentinel guarding a stack of pointless papers. An intruder. From my observation post on the armchair, I analyzed his posture—stiff, unyielding, a mockery of true predatory grace. His mission was unclear, but his presence in my territory would not stand. It was time for an interrogation. With a leap that was both silent and magnificent, I landed on the desk. The plastic soldier did not flinch. His painted-on eyes stared blankly past me, a classic counter-surveillance technique. I respected his resolve, but it would not save him. My first move was a soft, probing pat with a single, unsheathed claw against his helmet. It popped off with a pathetic little click and tumbled onto the desk. A swift nudge of my nose sent it skittering over the edge and into the darkness below. One piece of intel secured. Still, he said nothing. This one was a professional. I moved on to his primary weapon, a small black rifle clutched in his plastic fist. Prying it loose required more finesse. I nudged it, batted it, and finally applied a gentle but firm tooth. It came free. I paraded it in my mouth for a moment before dropping it to join the helmet in the void. One by one, I liberated his gear—a backpack, a strange-looking sidearm, a pair of night-vision goggles that were an insult to my own superior night vision. Each successful extraction was a small victory, yet the prisoner remained stoic, his "cool poseability" a form of silent defiance. When he was stripped of all ten accessories, I was left with a simple plastic man, unarmed and unburdened. He had not cracked. He revealed no secrets of the "G.I. Joe" organization, nor did he beg for mercy. I sat back on my haunches, grooming a stray bit of gray fur, and rendered my final judgment. As a source of information, he was a failure. But as a multi-part puzzle box designed for a master of strategic relocation, he was a resounding success. He was a worthy, if silent, adversary. He could remain, for now. His gear was safely archived under the desk, and I would be waiting for his inevitable resupply.
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