A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The G.I. Joe Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Lead Review · From: G.I. Joe
Hawk's Arsenal Liberated, One Missile at a Time
Our critic ignores the doll entirely and spends an evening systematically relocating all fifteen missiles and ten accessories to undisclosed locations around the house.

So, the human has procured another plastic doll, this one apparently a "General" of some sort named Clayton, though the box calls him "Hawk." A misnomer, if you ask me; I see no feathers, only a preposterous helmet. He comes with what appears to be a snack cart, but instead of treats, it's laden with missiles and other small, plastic bits that look perfectl…

Continued on the story page →
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series #182, Clayton “Hawk” Abernathy with M.M.S. (Mobile Missile System) Towable Vehicle, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure Set
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
The accessories are the whole point.
More From The Desk
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback G.I. Joe Trooper, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 14 Accessories
G.I. Joe
Trooper Poses in Fealty Before a Dust Bunny

My human has brought another plastic effigy into my domain, this one a small, six-inch man clad in a rather drab green uniform. They call it a "G.I. …

★★★★☆
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Cobra Viper, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 13 Accessories
G.I. Joe
Cobra Viper Flattened, His Rifle Already Gone

So, my Human has procured another plastic man-doll, this one from a syndicate known as "G.I. Joe." It's a "Cobra Viper," a name with a rather delight…

★★★★☆
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Craig “Rock ’N Roll” McConnel, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 9 Accessories
G.I. Joe
Investment-Grade Packaging Cracked at 3 A.M

My human has procured another plastic effigy, this one a "G.I. Joe" named "Rock 'N Roll," a preposterous title for a small, bearded doll. It purports…

★★★★☆
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Duke, Collectible 6-Inch Action Figure with 10 Accessories
G.I. Joe
Duke Stripped of All Gear, Still Refuses to Talk

My human has brought another piece of plastic into my domain. This one is a small, rigid man they call "Duke," apparently some sort of soldier from a…

★★★☆☆
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series Retro Cardback Dr. Mindbender, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with 7 Accessories
The Doctor Is Irrelevant; His Gun Is Glorious

My staff has, once again, spent perfectly good tuna money on a small plastic man. This one, a "Dr. Mindbender," appears to be a half-dressed villain …

★★★☆☆
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series #117, Techno-Viper, Collectible 6-Inch Action Figure with 8 Accessories
Purple Bore Surrenders His Wrench to My Teeth

My human seems to have acquired another one of its miniature plastic dolls. This one is called a "Techno-Viper," which, I'll admit, has a certain int…

★★★☆☆
Image of G.I. Joe Classified Series #131, Storm Shadow, Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure, Ninja Toy with 11 Accessories
White Ninja Toppled; Throwing Knife Under the Sofa

My human seems to have acquired another plastic totem, a small man-figure they call 'Storm Shadow.' Apparently, he's a 'ninja,' though I see no evide…

★★★☆☆
Other Desks In This Section
⬆ Up a level
About Pete Printed daily, ignored nightly Privacy Policy