A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Tonka Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Tonka
Bulldozer Deployed as Environmental Engineering Equipment
★★★★☆
Funrise
Grader Utilized to Restore Order; Not Once Used for Fun
★★★☆☆
Lincoln Logs
Tiny Home Commandeered; Cabin Boy Ordered to Pull
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Tonka
Yellow Butler Trained to Deliver Treats on Command
Our critic refuses to play with the Tonka dump truck, instead training his human to use its tilting bed as a treat-delivery system and granting it permanent butler status.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My Human seems to believe my sophisticated, metropolitan lifestyle is missing a certain... industrial element. This "Tonka Mighty Dump Truck" has been presented with great fanfare. I see a large, offensively yellow object made of steel and plastic. The brand is apparently a nostalgic touchstone for the bipedal, meant to evoke memories of digging in dirt. Fr…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Tonka Steel Classics Mighty Dump Truck - Made with Steel & Sturdy Plastic, Yellow Toy Construction Truck, Boys and Girls, Kids, Toddlers, Ages 3+
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Not a toy — my treat-delivering butler.
From The Desk
Image of Tonka Retro Mighty Dump Truck - Collector's Edition - Made with 2X More Steel, Kids Construction Toy, Metal Truck, Toy Truck for Boys and Girls, Kids, Toddlers, Ages 3+
Tonka
Certificate of Authenticity Banished; Steel Throne Claimed

So, my human has presented me with schematics for a "Mighty Dump Truck." Let's be clear: this is a large, yellow metal box on wheels, ostensibly for small, noisy humans. They boas…

★★★★☆ — Not a toy — my conquered chariot.
More From The Desk
Image of CAT Construction Toys, CAT Dump Truck Toy Construction Vehicle – 10" Plastic Action Vehicle with Articulated Buckets for Indoor & Outdoor Play. Ages 3+
CAT
CAT Truck Becomes a Rolling Concert Hall of Found Sound

My human seems to have a fundamental misunderstanding of my species, despite the prominent "CAT" branding on this object. This is not, as one might h…

★★★★☆
Image of Tonka 06269 Interactive Talking Truck Toy for Toddlers Ages 2+ - Made of Sturdy Plastic with 20+ Sounds, Multicolor
Tonka
Chuck Interrogated, Found Idiotic, Retained as Court Jester

My human has procured a loud, garishly colored plastic box on wheels, apparently for the smaller, more chaotic human that shares this territory. They…

★★★☆☆
Image of Tonka Steel Classics, Classic Car Carrier – Made with Steel and Sturdy Plastic, Yellow Friction Powered, Boys and Girls, Toddlers Ages 3+, Big Construction Truck, Birthday Gift, Holiday
Tonka
Empty Carrier Requisitioned as Flagship of the Fleet

My human has, with their typical lack of foresight, acquired a large, garishly yellow object they call a "Tonka." Apparently, it's a carrier for smal…

★★★★☆
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