A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Boat Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
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Light-Trails Transform Pool Into a Midnight Hunt
★★★★☆
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Blue Automaton Earns Encore with Dramatic Resurrection
★★★★☆
TOPCHOIC
Speed Means Nothing Without a Brain to Hunt With
★★☆☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Intex
Inflatable Intruder Repurposed as Finest Napping Vessel
Our critic springs into the orange inflatable boat planning territorial protest, finds the sun-warmed plastic surface glorious, and formally claims the Explorer 200 as an indoor land-locked napping throne.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

So, my human has presented me with this… this *vessel*. It appears to be an inflatable personal watercraft from a brand called Intex, known for producing items that are filled with the noisy, exhaled breath of a machine. They claim it holds two "persons," but I see it for what it truly is: an ostentatiously large, bright orange floating bed. The dual air ch…

Continued on the story page →
Image of INTEX 58330EP Explorer 200 Inflatable Boat: Dual Air Chambers – Welded Oar Locks – Grab Rope – 2-Person – 210lb Weight Capacity
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Finest land-locked napping vessel ever conceived.
From The Desk
Image of INTEX 68351EP Seahawk 4 Inflatable Boat Set: Includes Deluxe 54in Boat Oars and High-Output Pump – SuperStrong PVC – Fishing Rod Holders – 4-Person – 1050lb Weight Capacity
Intex
Vinyl Brute Becomes Command Post After Investigation

So, the human has procured a large, inflatable vessel, ostensibly for "boating" and "fishing" on the Great Wet Horror. Let's be clear: the only vessel I endorse is a sun-warmed cu…

★★★☆☆ — Case open. We have an understanding.
More From The Desk
Image of JOYIN Giant Boat Pool Float with Cooler - Inflatable Boat Funny Pool Floats Raft with Reinforced Cooler, Lounge Floaties Beach Lake Toys fun in summer Swimming Pool Party Decorations for Kids & Adults
JOYIN
Marooned on Eight Feet of Fake-Wood Humiliation

So, the Staff has presented me with this... "Giant Boat Pool Float." It's an absurdly large, air-filled plastic slab designed for them to wallow in t…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of ArtCreativity Toy Boats for Water Play, (4 Pack), Pool Toys for Toddlers 3-5, Floating Toddler Pool Toys, Plastic Sailing Toy Boats for Bathtub, Summer Beach Toys, Cute Party Favors for Boys & Girls
ArtCreativity
Salmon Treat Demands a Rescue Mission by Sea

So, the human has presented me with what appears to be an armada of aggressively cheerful plastic vessels. They are, according to the packaging propa…

★★★☆☆
Image of Battat – 10 Bath Boats – Numbered & Stackable Bathtime Toys – Floating Toy Boats For The Bath, Pool, Beach – Educational Toys – 6 Months + – Stackin’ Boats
Battat
Protest Installation Dismantles the Biped Stacking Art

Ah, yes, another offering from the humans. This appears to be a flotilla of garishly colored plastic vessels, ostensibly for "bathtime." Let's be cle…

★★★☆☆
Image of JOI MEW RC Boat with LED Lights for Kids, 2.4Ghz Remote Control Racing Boats for 8-12,Toy Water Boat for Pools & Lakes with Waterproof,Rechargeable Battery, for Boys Girls Green
JOI MEW
Boat Noise Covers a Brilliant Treat-Closet Heist

So, my human is considering a device from a brand named "JOI MEW." A curious choice of spelling, but the sentiment is noted. It appears to be a small…

★★★★★
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