A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Care Bear Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Barbie
Plush Bear Head Commandeered as Velvety Purple Throne
★★★☆☆
Care Bears
Blue Bear Subdued; Critic Ascends Cerulean Napping Throne
★★★☆☆
Care Bears
Technicolor Trespasser Kneaded Into Immediate Submission
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Care Bears
Pink Intruder Tackled, Subjugated, Promoted to Furniture
Our critic launches a full-body assault on Cheer Bear, exhausts himself against its rainbow belly, and discovers mid-pant that the vanquished plush is the finest napping surface he has ever conquered.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human has presented me with a "Care Bear," a relic from their own juvenile past, I presume. This one is a garishly pink specimen named "Cheer Bear." It's a 14-inch plush object, purportedly made of "super soft" material, which is its only potentially redeeming quality. Its primary features seem to be an unblinking, saccharine smile and a ludicrous rainbo…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Care Bears 14" Cheer Bear Plushie - Medium Size - Pink Plushie for Ages 4+ – Perfect Stuffed Animal Holiday, Birthday Gift, Super Soft and Cuddly – Good For Girls and Boys, Employees, Collectors
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
A monument to my victory.
From The Desk
Image of Micro Teenies - Care Bears 3" Micro Plush 5-Pack Treasure Box - Cheer, Laugh A-Lot, Good Luck, Grumpy and Harmony Bear
Micro Teenies
Five Micro Suspects Booked; Good Luck Bear Gets the Treatment

My human has presented me with what appears to be a gang of small, vibrantly colored felons in a flimsy cardboard prison they call a "Treasure Box." These "Care Bears," as they ar…

★★★★☆ — Worthy ammunition. The case is open.
More From The Desk
Image of Care Bears Spring Theme Bee Funshine Bear Fun-Size Plush - Perfect Stuffed Animal Holiday, Birthday Gift, Super Soft and Cuddly – Good for Girls and Boys, Employees, Collectors, Ages 4+
Care Bears
Bear-Bee Hybrid Unlocks Cosmic Gravy Vision During Nap

My human has presented me with a new offering, some sort of plush idol from the "Care Bears" pantheon. This one appears to be a bear suffering a seve…

★★★★☆
Image of Care Bears 14" Friends Forever Bear Plushie - Tie-Dye Multicolored Made from Recycled Materials! Soft and Huggable! – Good for Girls and Boys, Employees, Collectors, Ages 4+
Care Bears
Tie-Dye Bear's Face Receives Thorough Bunny-Kick Audit

Ah, another offering from the Human. This appears to be a "Care Bear," a relic of their own kittenhood, I suspect, now reimagined for a new generatio…

★★★★☆
Image of Care Bears Medium Plush - True Friend Bear - Perfect Stuffed Animal Holiday, Birthday Gift, Super Soft and Cuddly – Good for Girls and Boys, Employees, Collectors
Care Bears
Pink Heart Badge Triggers Vision of Infinite Sunbeams

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume is profound foolishness, has acquired a monument to saccharine sentiment. It's a "Care Bear," a relic fr…

★★★★☆
Image of Care Bears x Hello Kitty Plush 2 Pack - Hello Kitty as Funshine Bear & My Melody as Share Bear
Care Bears
Corporate Hybrids Interrogated, Subjugated, Filed as Tributes

My human has presented me with what appears to be the unholy offspring of a corporate branding exercise. It’s a two-pack of plush figures, a mashup o…

★★★★☆
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