A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Trampoline Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
ACWARM HOME
LED Aurora Transforms Eyesore Into Private Observatory
★★★★☆
ZCMHAXJ
Silent Suction Pads Earn the Highest Feline Honor
★★★★☆
Calmmax
Humans Bang the Drum; Pete Hears Its True Music
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: JUMPZYLLA
Vulgarity Upgraded to Strategic Watchtower
Our critic condemns the trampoline as a noisy blight but reverses course entirely once he climbs onto its sun-warmed surface and discovers a superior vantage point over his entire domain.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human, in a moment of questionable judgment, has directed my attention to a device named "JUMPZYLLA." Apparently, it is a colossal, webbed disc intended to be placed in my private sunning garden, which they call the "backyard." Its purpose is to facilitate the chaotic, vertical movements of the smaller, louder humans. They prattle on about its "next gen …

Continued on the story page →
Image of JUMPZYLLA Trampoline Outdoor 8FT 10FT 12FT 14FT 15FT 16FT with Enclosure and Ladder, ASTM Approved Recreational Trampolines for Kids and Adults, Anti-Rust Coated Frame
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Essential infrastructure. I claim it.
From The Desk
Image of JELENS Trampoline 8FT 10FT 12FT 14FT 16FT, Recreational Trampolines with Enclosure Net and Ladder, Outdoor Anti-Rust Trampolines for Kids and Adults, ASTM (Dark Black, 14FT)
JELENS
Squirrel Defeated; Dark Throne Begrudgingly Accepted

My human, in a fit of what I can only describe as profound suburban madness, has installed a colossal black disc in my yard. This "JELENS Trampoline," as the box called it, is app…

★★★★☆ — Begrudgingly, it has its merits.
More From The Desk
Image of ORCC 1200LBS Weight Capacity Trampoline 16 15 14 12 10 8FT Without Basketball Hoop Water Sprinkler Spiral Ground Stakes Outdoor Yard Trampolines for Kids Adults
ORCC
Sensory Amplifier of Profound Garden Meditation

So, the hairless apes who provide my meals have erected a massive, circular altar to chaos in my yard. This "ORCC Trampoline" is, ostensibly, a bounc…

★★★★★
Image of JumpFlex Hero Round Outdoor Backyard Trampoline with Net Safety Enclosure and Ladder, 15ft
Jumpflex
Primate Buffoonery Conceals a Perfect Sun Throne

So, the Staff has seen fit to erect a massive, wobbly disc in the middle of my prime sunbathing territory. From what I can gather, this 'Jumpflex' co…

★★★★☆
Image of Gigu 12 FT Trampoline with Basketball Hoop Water Sprinkler Spiral Ground Stakes Trampolines Outdoor Yard for Adults Kids
Gigu
Gravity Abandoned; Pedestal of Supremacy Claimed

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has erected a gargantuan, webbed monstrosity in *my* backyard. They call it a "trampoline," a…

★★★★☆
Image of Tranpoline 8FT 10FT 12FT 14FT 16T Tranpoline for Adults/Kids with Safety Enclosure -Recreational Tranpolines with Ladder and Basketball Hoop-Outdoor Tranpoline for Kids,Capacity 300-1000lbs…
SENCHO GINSYTALIOR
Misspelled Brand Accidentally Builds Finest Napping Platform

My human, in a fit of what I can only describe as suburban desperation, has erected a monstrosity from a brand named SENCHO GINSYTALIOR in the yard, …

★★★★☆
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