Pete's Expert Summary
My human, with all the forethought of a moth drawn to a bug zapper, has presented me with a veritable arsenal of what they call "Water Soaker Blasters." It is, in essence, a bulk package of sixteen brightly colored plastic tubes, a product from a brand called Elovien that I've never had the displeasure of encountering before. The premise is simple and horrifying: one end sucks up the Forbidden Liquid, and the other expels it at a supposed distance of 35 feet. While I can appreciate the sturdy ABS plastic construction—far superior to the flimsy foam abominations I've seen—the primary function of this device is to weaponize dampness. It is an instrument of chaos, an enemy to my impeccably soft fur and my profound dedication to dry, sun-drenched naps. Its only redeeming quality is the potential to watch the clumsy bipeds drench each other from a safe, dry distance.
Key Features
- LONG RANGE UP TO 35 FEET: Easy to use kids water gun toy that can shot up to 35 ft(10.6m) away by simply pulling up the handle to fill with water, aiming and spraying! Can be filled quickly and is perfect for long-range water fighting (Note: Do not aim at the eyes or face!)
- UPGRADED LENGTH & CAPACITY: Traditional small squirt gun have less capacity and require constant pumping, so we've improved the length of the kids pool water blaster to 15.7 inches, which can stretch to 25.5 inches. Larger capacity, better for you to use with your kids,friends and family for smoother play
- COMFORTABLE HANDLE: Our water soaker gun has an upgraded handle length of about 4 inches, so even adults can use it. The unique surface design increases friction, allows kids to hold the water squirter firmly in water battles and win easily
- KID FRIENDLY & DURABLE MATERIAL: Our water cannon is made of safe, smooth, high quality thick ABS plastic material, which is stronger and more durable than other foam water guns and can be used repeatedly. So light that it can float on the water without worrying about losing the water pistol
- BEST SUMMER WATER TOYS: Includes 16 unique colorful kids water squirter for group water fights. Lightweight and easy to carry in your bag, take it anywhere you need it. Perfect for outdoor, pool, beach, garden, backyard, bathroom and more, perfect summer gifts for boys, girls and adults
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The box arrived on a Tuesday, a day typically reserved for extended contemplation of a particularly enticing dust bunny under the credenza. My human tore it open, revealing a chaotic jumble of garishly colored sticks. They were like the bones of some plastic, neon flamingo. My human left them splayed on the living room rug, a clear invitation for my inspection. My initial assessment was one of profound skepticism. They were long, hard, and utterly without scent. They did not crinkle, nor did they possess the tantalizing flutter of a feather. I nudged one—a vibrant lime green specimen—with my paw. It rolled with a hollow, unsatisfying *clack*. A lesser cat would have walked away, but I am a connoisseur. I am Pete. I decided to re-contextualize the object. It was not a toy; it was a scepter. A baton of power. I selected a royal blue one, its handle fitting surprisingly well against my refined paw pads, and began to push it across the hardwood floor. It glided beautifully. I was a king, surveying my domain with my mighty staff of office. I was a conductor, leading the silent symphony of sunbeams dancing through the window. For a glorious half-hour, this blue tube was an extension of my will, a tool for a sophisticated gentleman such as myself. My tuxedo-clad chest puffed with pride. This "Elovien" company, I mused, perhaps understood elegance after all. Then, the human returned, a strange glint in their eye. They scooped up *my* royal blue scepter. The betrayal was immediate and sharp. They strode not to the treat cupboard, nor to my food bowl, but to the dreaded Great Waterfall in the kitchen. I watched in frozen horror as they plunged one end into the basin and pulled the handle. There was a sickening gurgle, the sound of my beautiful scepter being corrupted from within. It was no longer a symbol of my regal authority; it was now a vessel of pure, unadulterated wetness. The human took it outside. I watched from the safety of the glass door as they aimed it at a rose bush. With a forceful push, a torrent of water erupted, a terrifyingly long stream that assaulted the innocent plant from feet away. My fur stood on end. My scepter, my beautiful tool of imagined power, was a projectile hydrator, a cannon of cold, miserable damp. It was an abomination. I turned my back on the spectacle, my tail twitching with disgust, and stalked off to find a patch of sunlight. The verdict was clear: a promising piece of abstract art, utterly ruined by its intended function. A complete and utter waste of my time.
