Pop Rocket Proves Itself a Pre-Positioned Asset Delivery System

It began with a sound. A single, sharp *POP* that sliced through the sacred afternoon quiet. I lifted my head from the velvet cushion, one eye cracked open. The small human, the one they call "Timmy," was standing in the middle of my living room, wielding a ghastly blue plastic stick. Before him sat a contraption of red and yellow, an affront to interior design. Seven seconds later: *POP*. A white orb flew through the air. Timmy swung his stick with the grace of a falling bookshelf and missed entirely. The orb bounced off the far wall and skittered under the credenza. My ear twitched. An offering? I remained motionless, a statue of gray fur and quiet judgment, as the ritual continued. *POP*. Another orb launched. This time, a glancing blow sent it careening behind the drapes. *POP*. A total whiff, and the third orb rolled silently into the dark abyss beneath the armchair where I conduct my most important business. It was becoming clear this was not a game for the loud, flailing child. This was an advanced tactical delivery system. This "Pop Rocket," as the humans called it, was a clumsy but effective servant, placing high-quality, lightweight prey in the most strategically advantageous ambush locations throughout my kingdom. The fourth launch was the turning point. *POP*. The orb sailed high. Timmy, in a fit of wild ambition, connected. The orb ricocheted off the ceiling, struck a framed picture of what I can only assume is a lesser, uglier cat, and then landed with a soft *plink* directly in my empty food bowl. The sheer audacity. The absolute, unmitigated genius of it. It was a message, a sign from the universe. The machine wasn't for the child; it was for *me*. It was stocking my larders, pre-positioning my assets, preparing the battlefield for a true master. The fifth and final orb was launched, and it, too, was quickly lost to the child's incompetence. He whined to his mother about a "reload," but I was no longer listening. I slipped from my cushion, a silent gray shadow moving with purpose. The machine sat dormant, its duty done. The child was a mere distraction, a noisy pawn in a much grander game. My game. I peered under the credenza. The first orb sat there, gleaming in the darkness, a perfect, pristine trophy. The "Pop Rocket" was a crude and noisy beast, but its results were undeniable. It was worthy. Oh, yes. It was most worthy indeed. Now, the hunt could truly begin.