Pete's Expert Summary
My human seems to be considering a pair of these "Jasonwell Water Footballs." From what I can gather, they are oblong, air-filled spheres designed to be thrown by loud humans in the Great Wet Place they call "the pool." They boast of being waterproof, which is a feature I find fundamentally suspicious—anything designed to function in water is best avoided. They have "double laces" for a "strong grip," which might, under other circumstances, provide a satisfying texture for a claw-sharpening session. However, their primary purpose seems to be encouraging splashing, shouting, and general aquatic chaos, all of which are significant disruptions to my rigorous napping schedule. It seems less like a toy and more like an instrument of torture for any civilized being who values a dry, quiet environment.
Key Features
- Fun Outdoor Toys - Fun to catch, fun to throw. Great games to play outside at the pool, beach, park, lake, ocean, backyard and more.
- Durable Waterproof Football - Made with high quality inflatable bladder and water-resistant soft fabric. Long lasting and waterproof. Les's play football in the water.
- Double Laced - The water football comes double-laced for strong grip when throwing and catching, in or out of the water
- Great Pool Beach Toys for Kids and adults - Perfect activities games for pool parties, beach, play dates, picnics, family time and more. Great toys gifts for kids adults and all ages in between
- Package Includes: 2 waterproof footballs + 1 set of pump
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The artifact arrived on a day of blistering sun, its presence announced by the crinkle of a plastic prison. My human, whom I shall refer to as The Biped, extracted two deflated skins, one a garish orange and the other a brash blue. He then produced a strange, phallic device—the "pump"—and began a bizarre ritual of inflation. With each wheezing gasp of the pump, the skins swelled, transforming into taut, ovoid orbs. He held one up, a triumphant look on his face. "For the pool, Pete!" he declared. I, from my vantage point atop the cool marble of the fireplace hearth, offered only a slow, judgmental blink. Later, I was observing The Biped through the great glass wall that separates my civilized world from the wild, wet outdoors. He was in the shimmering blue abyss, tossing the orange sphere to another, smaller human. The orb didn't sink. It skittered across the surface, a defiant, floating oddity. I watched, my mind not on the game, but on the physics. It was a vessel of air, wrapped in a water-resistant shroud. A captured breath. I imagined it was a message pod from an alien race, its cryptic laced markings a language I could almost decipher. What secrets did it hold? What warnings did it carry from its home world to this one? My anthropological study was interrupted when a clumsy throw sent the blue orb flying out of the pool, landing with a soft thud on the sun-warmed patio stones, a mere tail's length from where I was now lounging. It lay there, glistening with forbidden water droplets. The humans were distracted. This was my chance. I approached with the stealth of a shadow, my gray fur a wisp against the pale stone. I extended a single, curious paw and tapped its flank. The texture was yielding, a soft fabric over a firm core. Interesting. The double laces looked like a perfect climbing ladder for an ant, a stitched scar on the alien's skin. But as I leaned in to sniff its strange, chlorinated scent, a droplet of water rolled off its side and landed directly on my pristine white bib. The shock was electric. A violation of the highest order. I recoiled, hissing, shaking my paw with a fury reserved for bath time and the vacuum cleaner. This was no alien artifact; it was a Trojan Horse, smuggling its wetness into my dry domain. I stalked back inside, leaving the orb to its fate. My verdict was clear: this was a treacherous, duplicitous object. It belonged in the water with the other noisy primitives. I had far more important matters to attend to, namely, finding a sunbeam untainted by the memory of betrayal.
