A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Boxing Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
BANZAI
Clown's Pedestal Accepted With Regal Purring
★★★☆☆
Sanabul
Gel-Infused Knuckle Claimed as Superior Head-Bunt Surface
★★★★☆
whoobli
Red Oracle Sways Toward the Food Bowl; It Is Heard
★★★☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Everlast
180 Inches of Ribbon Prophecy, Coiled and Waiting
Our critic ignores the hand-wrap's boxing purpose entirely, reads it as a sacred omen scroll, and deduces from its unspooling that three more uses precede its fate in the laundry hamper.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human has procured what appears to be an absurdly long, black bandage from a brand called "Everlast," a name that drips with misplaced optimism. Apparently, the human intends to wrap their clumsy paws in this 180-inch strip of cotton-blend fabric before flailing at a bag of sand, a ritual they call "training." While the entire premise is laughable, the s…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Everlast Boxing Handwraps, Machine Washable Speedbag Training and Martial Arts Hand Wrap, Black
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★☆☆☆
The universe is in order. I approve.
From The Desk
Image of Socker Boppers Inflatable Boxing Pillows - One Pair Boppers – colors will vary, Box and Bop, Durable Vinyl, Active Outlet That Aids in Agility, Balance and Coordination, Safe Fun Indoor or Out
Socker Boppers
Children Exhausted; Silence Purchased at Full Price

It appears my human has purchased a pair of enormous, air-filled paws for the smaller, more chaotic humans in the household. These "Socker Boppers," as they are absurdly named, ar…

★★★☆☆ — The ensuing silence was worth the admission.
More From The Desk
Image of Meister Carbon Flex Groin Protector Cup for MMA, Boxing & Contact Sports - Adult
Meister
Talisman Debunked; High-Performance Battle Puck Acquired

My human, in his infinite and baffling wisdom, has procured a new item. It's called a "Meister Carbon Flex Groin Protector," a name that is both over…

★★★★☆
Image of Thames & Kosmos Hydraulic Boxing Bots STEM Experiment Kit | Build Two Hydraulic-Powered Boxing Robots! | Explore Hydraulic, Water-Powered Systems | Challenge a Friend to a Robot Duel!
Thames & Kosmos
Clumsy Bots Are Excellent Ammunition Suppliers

My human, in a desperate attempt to justify the hours spent hunched over the coffee table muttering about "pistons" and "cylinders," has presented me…

★★★☆☆
Image of Mini Boxing Bag Set, 3-Piece with Punching Bag and 2 Gloves,Cool Boxing Tabletop Game,Desk Toy Relieve Stress and Have Fun for Adults；Stocking Stuffers for mem Women Adults
BeBesta
Bobbling Shrine Preserves Staff Stability; Approved

So, my human has acquired a "Mini Boxing Bag Set" from a brand called BeBesta. From what I can gather, it's a small, offensively red orb perched on a…

★★★☆☆
Image of 21" Inflatable Boxing Gloves for Kids to Adult [Toy]
Rhode Island Novelty
Crimson Mountain Conquered; Throne Purring Confirmed

So, my human presents me with these… sacs of captured air, branded by something called "Rhode Island Novelty," which sounds about as prestigious as a…

★★★☆☆
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