A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Backyard Furniture Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
KidKraft
Sham Grill, No Tuna, But the Table Stays
★★★☆☆
Little Tikes
Clown Spaceship Seized, New Management Installed
★★★☆☆
Best Choice Products
Flagship Acquired: The Green Menace Sets Sail
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Flash Furniture
The Umbrella Is a Cloaking Device, Not a Nuisance
Our critic arrives to condemn a sun-blocking patio set and departs having declared it a fully operational field headquarters for squirrel-syndicate surveillance.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented me with this... apparatus. It appears to be an entire ecosystem of perches and surfaces intended for the Great Uncarpeted Void they call the "patio." It consists of a table with a suspiciously rippled glass top—likely to interfere with the strategic placement of my paws during a sunbath—a…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Flash Furniture Nantucket 6-Piece Patio Dining Set with Glass Table, 4 Folding Chairs, and Umbrella, Outdoor Patio Set, Black
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
An asset. All of it is mine.
From The Desk
Image of KidKraft Outdoor Wooden Table & Bench Set with Cushions and Umbrella, Kids Backyard Furniture, Navy and White Stripe Fabric
KidKraft
Fort Lollipop Falls to Superior Command

My human seems to have acquired a miniature version of their own patio furniture, ostensibly for the smaller, more chaotic humans that sometimes visit. This "KidKraft" contraption…

★★★★☆ — Fort Lollipop is irrevocably mine.
More From The Desk
Image of HONEY JOY Kids Picnic Table, 4 in 1 Cedar Wooden Sand & Water Table w/ 3 Removable Box & Umbrella, Kids Picnic Tables for Outdoors Backyard Garden, Toddler Patio Furniture Set for Boys Girls(Gray)
HONEY JOY
Cedar Temple Claimed by Divine Right of Paw Print

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume was guilt over a substandard kibble purchase, has assembled a miniature wooden monolith in the yard. The…

★★★★☆
Image of XDP Recreation 70113 Swing Set, Trampoline, & Patio Furniture Metal Ground Anchor Kit Hardware,Bronze
XDP RECREATION
Pure Infrastructure, Grudging Respect Duly Noted

My human has presented me with a box containing what appears to be four large, bronze-colored metal corkscrews and some assorted bits of hardware. I …

★★☆☆☆
Image of Step2 Naturally Playful Kids Picnic Table with Removable Umbrella, Indoor/Outdoor Toys, Fits 6 Children, Made of Durable Plastic, For Toddlers 3+ Years Old, Blue & Green
Step2
Sandstone Pretender Earns Its Throne Status

My human has presented me with what they call a "Kids Picnic Table." A table. For tiny, loud, sticky humans. The sheer audacity. It's made by a compa…

★★★★☆
Image of HONEY JOY Kids Picnic Table, Outdoor Wooden Table & Bench Set w/Removable Umbrella, Children Backyard Furniture for Patio Garden, Toddler Picnic Table for Outdoors, Gift for Boys Girls, Walnut
HONEY JOY
Fir-Scented Galleon Survives the Marauder Invasion

So, my human has acquired what they call a "Kids Picnic Table" from a brand named "HONEY JOY." The name alone sets my teeth on edge. It's a miniature…

★★★★☆
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