Pete's Expert Summary
My human has presented me with this... thing. It is clearly not a toy. It's a small, rigid sack made of some unpleasantly smooth "vegan leather," which translates to "plastic that is no fun to claw." It's covered in offensively bright pink and blue hues and has the face of a strange cartoon female staring out from it, trapped in a circle. My human calls it a "mini-backpack" and claims it's for carrying "essentials," none of which, I assume, are premium-grade tuna or live-action mice. The only features of remote interest are the dangling straps, which might provide a few moments of idle batting practice. Otherwise, it seems to be a vessel for human clutter, a complete and utter waste of my valuable energy.
Key Features
- Prepare to duel in style with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Dark Magician Girl Funko Mini Backpack!
- The front pocket of this pink and blue mini backpack features POP! Dark Magician Girl in a round, pink frame. Turn the bag around to find her making a second appearance as she wields her magic.
- This enchanting accessory has plenty of room for storing all of your dueling essentials on your way to the arena!
- Backpack is made of vegan leather (polyurethane) and has adjustable shoulder straps. Additional features include sturdy metal hardware and printed details. This backpack is an officially licensed Yu-Gi-Oh! product.
- Approximate dimensions: 8.25” W x 10.75” H x 4” D. (Please note: width is measured across the bottom of the bag.)
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The portal appeared on a Tuesday. My human called it a "Funko Pop! Backpack," but I know a dimensional rift when I smell one. It smelled faintly of polyurethane and desperation. She placed it on the rug, a sacrificial offering of pink and blue plastic, and stared at me with that wide-eyed hope I find so draining. On its surface was the captured effigy of a magical being—a "Dark Magician Girl," they called her. Her painted-on eyes held a vacant, saccharine cheer that I knew masked a deep, arcane power. This was no mere container; it was a prison. I approached with the dignified caution of a king assessing a potential usurper. The air grew still. The hum of the refrigerator seemed to fade. I circled the object, my tail a gray metronome marking the seconds of this strange new reality. On the back of the portal, the sorceress was depicted again, this time in motion, staff in hand, as if to remind any onlookers of the power contained within. My human thought it was a "cute design detail." I knew it was a warning. The straps dangled like forgotten tentacles, beckoning me closer. A low growl rumbled in my chest. This was a challenge. Not to play, but to dominate. I refused to bat at the straps, to give it the satisfaction of being treated like a common toy. Instead, I sat. Directly on top of it. I positioned my soft, luxurious posterior squarely over the magician's face, asserting my authority over this pocket dimension. It was not comfortable. The rigid structure and metal zippers pressed into my delicate form. But comfort was a luxury; duty was a necessity. From my new, slightly awkward throne, I surveyed my kingdom. The human clapped her hands, misinterpreting my act of magical suppression as a sign of affection. "Oh, Pete, you like it!" she cooed. I closed my eyes, not in slumber, but in concentration. Let the trapped sorceress rage against the walls of her vegan leather cell. She would find no escape today. The realm was secure, protected by the sheer, unyielding weight of my nap. This "backpack" was not worthy of play, but it had proven to be a worthy adversary. And I had already won.
