A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Reptiles Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Toymany
Crocodile Makes One Glorious Clatter, Then Vanishes
★★★☆☆
SIENON
Sunbeam Reclaimed, Twelve Evictions Administered
★★☆☆☆
EOIVSH
Twelve Grifters Become a Long-Term Conspiracy
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Terra by Battat
One Gray Lizard Chosen From Sixty Imposters
Our critic ignores fifty-nine garish Terra figurines and selects a single stoic gray lizard as the one perfectly-weighted projectile worthy of a ceremonial drop from the cat tree.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume was profound boredom, has acquired a tube of plastic vermin. They call it an educational collection of "reptiles and amphibians," but I see it for what it is: a silent, multi-colored infestation of sixty inanimate objects. The sheer quantity is notable, offering a wide array of potential targets for batting under…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Terra by Battat – 60 Pcs Lizards Animal Tube – Realistic Plastic Animal Toys – Reptile & Amphibian Figurines – Frog, Alligator, Snake & More for Kids and Toddlers 3+
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Sixty pieces, one treasure. Modest but mine.
From The Desk
Image of Guaishou Artificial Model Reptile Lizard Animal Figures Kids Gift 12pcs
Guaishou
Twelve Plastic Conscripts Deployed, Skills Honed

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume was profound ignorance regarding the sophisticated needs of the modern feline, has presented me with a bag of cheap, plastic lizards. …

★★★☆☆ — Adequate ammunition. The regiment has its tools.
More From The Desk
Image of zoopal 14PCS Reptile Animal Figurines Toys, Desert Amphibians Diorama Toys with Axolotl,Lizard,Snake,Spider,Komodo Dragon,Alligator Rainforest Cold Blooded Animals Figures Party Favor for Kids
zoopal
Fourteen Suspects Interrogated, All Declared Keepers

My human seems to have acquired a box of small, lifeless effigies from a brand named "zoopal," a name that fails to inspire confidence. This is, appa…

★★★★☆
Image of Sumind 18 Piece Plastic Lizard Toys Colorful Plastic Fake Model Artificial Reptile Lizard for Teens Adults Decoration Figure Educational Toys Halloween Party Favors Decoration
Sumind
Eighteen Actors, One Epic Drama, Zero Applause

My Human, in a fit of what I can only assume is a misguided attempt at 'enrichment' or perhaps 'cake decorating,' has acquired a veritable plague of …

★★☆☆☆
Image of NAKIMO Plastic Lizard Toys Artificial Model Reptile Realistic Rubber Lizard Animal Figures for Halloween Party Decoration, Practical Joke and Educational Toys, 12Pcs
NAKIMO
Hostile Takeover Detected, Chief of Security Responds

My Human, in their infinite and often baffling wisdom, has presented me with what appears to be a silent, multi-colored infestation. This "NAKIMO" br…

★★★★☆
Image of kukifun 32Pcs Desert Reptiles Animals Figures Toys Resin Diorama Lizard Snake Cactus Trees Rock Playset for Kids Toddlers Cake Decoration Birthday Halloween Party Favor School Projects
kukifun
Gecko in the Water Glass: A Curator's Statement

So, my human has presented me with what appears to be a collection of small, hard, plastic statues. They call them "Desert Reptiles," and there's a w…

★★★★☆
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