A Review · From: Toymany
Crocodile Makes One Glorious Clatter, Then Vanishes
Our critic dismisses the Toymany council as scentless frauds and dispatches them one by one, saving a brief flash of satisfaction for the crocodile's spectacular spinning exit under the entertainment center.
My human, in a staggering misunderstanding of my predatory needs, has acquired a box of small, hard plastic statues from a company called Toymany. The name itself suggests they are for tiny humans, a terrible omen. This is a collection of "reptiles," which, from my perspective, are just oddly shaped, scentless lumps. While their varied forms—a long, bat-able snake and a tempting little spider—might provide a moment's diversion as they skitter across the hardwood floor, I am deeply skeptical. They are described as "solid" and "hand painted," which translates to "no satisfying crunch" and "details I cannot see and do not care about." They lack feathers, fur, and the all-important catnip pouch, making them a likely waste of my valuable energy.
The crime scene was the living room rug. My human, with that hopeful, slightly dim look they get, had carefully arranged the silent invaders in a semi-circle. It was some sort of cold-blooded council meeting, and I, apparently, was the guest of honor. They sat there, a "Komodo Dragon" staring blankly at a "Galapagos Tortoise," all of them reeking faintly of a factory. I yawned, a deliberate, jaw-cracking display of utter boredom, and began to groom a perfectly clean patch of fur on my shoulder. This was beneath me.
But then, the human nudged one forward with their finger. It was the "Cobra," a garish thing of gold and black, coiled as if to strike. It slid a few inches on the rug. My tail gave a single, involuntary twitch. It was an instinctual response, a flicker of the predator deep within, but I quickly suppressed it. I would not give them the satisfaction. I simply stared, projecting an aura of immense disappointment, until the human sighed and left the room, leaving me alone with the plastic platoon.
Silence descended. The interlopers remained, a silent challenge to my authority. I rose, stretched languidly, and padded over. The Cobra was my first subject. I gave it a soft, exploratory pat. It tipped over with a dull thud. Pathetic. I moved on to the "Red Scorpion," its tail arched in a pose of impotent aggression. I hooked a claw under it and flicked. It tumbled through the air, landing silently on its back, legs pointing uselessly at the ceiling. One by one, I dispatched them with disdainful ease. The Jackson's Chameleon, the Bearded Lizard, the unfortunate Leaf Frog—all were subjected to the indignity of a casual shove.
My final act was to address the "Black Caiman Crocodile." It was the largest, its mouth agape in a permanent, plastic snarl. I gave it a firm swat with my paw. The result was surprisingly satisfying. The hard PVC connected with the hardwood floor beyond the rug with a sharp *clatter*, and the crocodile slid beautifully, spinning end over end until it vanished into the dark realm beneath the entertainment center. That, I decided, was their true purpose. They were not prey, but projectiles. A moderately amusing way to create noise and send things to a place the vacuum couldn't reach. They are not worthy of a hunt, but for a brief game of under-the-sofa shuffle, they will suffice. For now.
Exhibit A — the specimen
The Particulars
—Reptile Animals Figurines Party: TOYMANY Safari Animal Playset includes Komodo Dragon, Cobra, Spider, Umbrella Lizard, Galapagos Tortoise, Bearded Lizard, Gecko, Red Scorpion, Salamander, Jackson's Chameleon, Solomon's Leaf Frog, Black Caiman Crocodile
—Realistic Hand Painted Details: This rainforest animal figures set was made by hand painted with high realistically detailed appearance, their uniquely molded textures and richly painted details make the animals vivid
—Awesome Gift For Kids: Such cute & different varieties of cold blooded animal toys are worth to be collected, decorating children's bookcase, desk and room, It's an awesome christmas halloween present, holiday , birthday gift or prize for kids
—School Project Playset: Desert Animals Figures great for education purposes, creative play, party favors, diorama school projects and crafts; It will help to improve children's concentration and outsight, develop their imagination and creativity
—Top Plastic Material: TOYMANY Desert Animal Figures Playset made by high quality durable PVC; All by safety meterials for kids, all animal figures are solid. TOYMANY aims to produce more realistic animal figurines and provide customers with the better quality
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Not worthy of a hunt. Will suffice.
Filed under: Toymany