Pete's Expert Summary
My Staff has, in their infinite and questionable wisdom, procured a small, rigid effigy of a human female. They call it an "action figure," a term I find deeply misleading as it exhibits no action whatsoever. It just stands there, six inches of molded plastic, with an expression of mild determination that I can only assume is directed at a particularly stubborn can of tuna. Its primary function seems to be collecting dust on the bookshelf, a space that could be much better utilized for my afternoon sunbathing. While its sharp angles might offer a moderately satisfying cheek-rub, its complete lack of crinkle, feather, or catnip-infusion makes it a monumental waste of my valuable time.
Key Features
- ELIZABETH WARREN: Persist! With her rolled up sleeves our travel size Elizabeth Warren is ready to fight for the middle class.
- PERFECT DISPLAY & SIZE: At 6 inches tall, Elizabeth Warren and all of our action figures are portable! Bring these action figures on adventures to get the perfect photo, or pose them to stand proudly on any flat surface.
- CAREFULLY SCULPTED & PROTOTYPED: The Elizabeth Warren Action Figure was carefully sculpted by our good friend Mike Leavitt, a Seattle-based artist and activist. Like Mike's fine art pieces, the figures are one part product and one part social commentary, exploring who we idolize in contemporary culture and how we do it.
- UNIQUE & COLLECTIBLE: Our action figures are meant to be shown off! Taking them out of the box won't ruin their condition, so take them with you to rallies, or on photoshoots- you can put them right back in the box when you're done. This item is not a bobblehead or customed bobblehead.
- PICTURE PERFECT EXPRESSION: You are going to want to shoot pictures of them so we designed them with that in mind. They have a picture perfect expression, stand on any flat surface, and can be posed for any occasion. Celebrate your real life heroes with this cool action figure, perfect for your desk top, or as stylish, conversation-starting home decor.
A Tale from Pete the Cat
A new law had been passed in the territory of my living room, and I was not consulted. The Staff, acting as a unilateral legislative body, placed the diminutive lawmaker on the mahogany bookshelf—a sacred perch I had claimed through years of diligent shedding. This newcomer stood firm on her plastic base, her sleeves rolled up, a clear sign of impending, and unwelcome, regulation. Her unblinking, "picture-perfect expression" felt less like inspiration and more like surveillance. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail twitching a rhythm of pure litigation. This was an illegal occupation. My legal challenge began at twilight. I leaped silently onto the shelf, my paws making no sound on the polished wood. Phase one: discovery. I sniffed the defendant. She smelled of the factory that birthed her and the hands of The Staff—clear evidence of collusion. I nudged her with my nose. She was rigid, unyielding, offering no testimony. Her persistent silence was an admission of guilt, as far as I was concerned. This was not a toy to be played with; this was a political rival to be deposed. The trial was swift, for I was the sole arbiter of justice in this domain. I presented my case to The Staff, who was reading on the couch, with a series of pointed meows and long, accusing stares at the tiny trespasser. The Staff, a notoriously unreliable juror, simply said, “Oh, Pete, do you like her? She persists!” This was a catastrophic misreading of the proceedings. Seeing that the established government would not act, I was forced to take the law into my own paws. I became the judiciary and the executive branch all at once. With a single, perfectly calibrated swat born of righteous indignation, I sent the figure tumbling from the precipice. She fell, end over end, landing silently on the plush rug below. There was no satisfying crash, no clatter of victory, just a dull thud. It was an anticlimax, but justice had been served. The shelf was mine once more. The figure wasn't worthy of my attention as a plaything, but as an object of swift and decisive legal action, it served its purpose admirably. Case closed.
