A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Beauty Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Funko
Half-Built Castle Annexed as a Lumpy Throne
★★★☆☆
Barbie
Cart Scattered, Dog Whacked, Barbie Left Smiling at the Wall
★☆☆☆☆
Tomons
Deep-Blue Eyeshadow Pan Claimed for the Undersofa Dimension
★★★☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Mini Brands
Tiny Beauty Replicas Reassigned as Vanity Projectiles
Our critic finds the miniature Ulta replicas scentless and unimpressive until provocation reveals their true gift: each one a perfectly weighted, vanity-launched projectile destined for under-dresser oblivion.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human, in her infinite and baffling wisdom, has brought home a plastic orb that births other, smaller plastic objects. This "Mini Brands" operation apparently specializes in creating tiny, useless replicas of the strange bottles and tubes she puts on her face. The appeal for her seems to be the "mystery" and the "thrill of collecting," which I translate …

Continued on the story page →
Image of Mini Brands Ulta Beauty Series 1: 5 Miniature Beauty Products Replicas, Mystery Capsule, Unisex, All Ages
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Superb projectiles. Collecting is for humans.
From The Desk
Image of Makeup Eraser The Original, 7-Day Set, Erase All Makeup with Just Water, Including Waterproof Mascara, Eyeliner, Foundation, Lipstick, Sunscreen, and More! Coconuts, 7ct.
MakeUp Eraser
Trojan Cloth Triggers the Sacred Kneading Instinct

So, the human has acquired a collection of what she calls 'Makeup Erasers.' From my observation post on the vanity, they appear to be seven small, oddly colored rectangles of fabr…

★★★☆☆ — Worthy opponent. I am watching.
More From The Desk
Image of Melissa & Doug Wooden Beauty Salon Play Set With Vanity and Accessories (18 pcs) - FSC Certified
Melissa & Doug
Distorted Mirror Reveals Coronation; Brush Claimed as Royal Implement

So, the humans have acquired a miniature wooden shrine for their offspring, complete with a distorted mirror and various blocky implements. They call…

★★★★☆
Image of Mattel Disney Princess Toys, Aurora Fashion Doll, Sparkling Look with Blonde Hair, Purple Eyes & Tiara Accessory, Inspired by the Sleeping Beauty Movie
Mattel
Tiara Dispatched to the Underworld; Aurora Still Smiling

So, my human has presented me with this... effigy. It's a miniature, plastic hominid they call "Aurora," apparently a "princess" from some cinematic …

★★☆☆☆
Image of Ceaco - Thomas Kinkade - Disney - Beauty & The Beast Dancing in The Moonlight - 1000 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle
Ceaco
Beast Identified as a Kindred Aristocrat; Puzzle Becomes Pete's Portrait

My human has brought home a box of what they call a "puzzle." It appears to be a thousand little squares of pressed wood pulp, designed to be painsta…

★★★★☆
Image of Innovative Designs Disney Beauty and the Beast Journal Notebook, Spiral Bound, 144 Lined Pages, 8 x 7 inches
Innovative Designs
Lumiere Liberation Thwarted; Nap Revenge Promised

So, the human has procured yet another flat, rectangular object. This one, from a brand called "Innovative Designs," seems to be a repository for the…

★★☆☆☆
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