Pete's Expert Summary
My human seems to think that any plush object that enters this house is, by default, for my consideration. This VTech creature is, however, an obvious auditory anesthetic designed for the tiny, loud human larvae they dote on. It's a fox, which is at least a respectable predator, but its purpose is to emit "soothing" songs and glow with a soft light. Frankly, the only soothing sound is the gentle whir of the food dispenser. While the electronic noise-making and talk of "emotions" is a clear waste of a perfectly good AAA battery, I will concede a certain professional interest. The promise of crinkly ears, a soft tail for biting, and ribbon tags for batting suggests that beneath its saccharine electronic heart lies the soul of a decent victim for a vigorous bunny-kicking. It's a conflict of purpose, but some of its components might just save it from utter irrelevance.
Key Features
- Help your baby learn to self-soothe with songs and melodies including classical music, lullabies and popular kids' songs
- Fox’s heart glows with a comforting soft light that fades in and out with the peaceful music, nature sounds and phrases
- Stimulate your baby's sense of touch with crinkly ears, a soft tail and body, ribbon tags and embroidery
- Peaceful songs and phrases about emotions encourage the development of language skills
- Intended for ages Birth+; requires 1 AAA battery; battery included for demo purposes only; new battery recommended for regular use
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The box arrived with an air of offensive cheerfulness. The Human, cooing nonsense, extracted from it a creature of alarming orange plush. It was a fox, and its face was a stitched-on mask of vacant contentment. It was placed on the floor, not in my designated toy basket, but near the wiggling bundle that had recently become the household's primary focus. An offering for the small interloper. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail a metronome of pure disdain, my gray fur bristling slightly at the insult. This was not for me. This was a symbol of my displacement, and I would treat it with the contempt it deserved. My human pressed its stomach. A dreadful, tinny melody, some sort of watered-down classical piece, trickled into the air. It was an assault on the senses. But then, something else happened. A soft, crimson light began to pulse from the fox's chest, a steady, rhythmic glow that faded in and out. My eyes, pupils already wide with predatory focus, locked onto it. The light was hypnotic, a slow, beating heart. It pulled at some ancient instinct within me. The Human, noticing my attention, then pinched one of the fox’s ears. A sharp *crinkle* cut through the air, a sound far more compelling than any lullaby. My calculated indifference began to crumble. I could resist no longer. I flowed from the sofa like a silent, gray shadow, my tuxedoed chest low to the ground. The mission was one of reconnaissance, not play. I circled the plush vulpine, sniffing its embroidered whiskers. An appendage—a ribbon—dangled near its side. A quick, exploratory bat sent it twitching. Satisfactory. I nudged the crinkly ear with my nose, eliciting that delightful, rustling crackle. This part, at least, was well-designed. The glowing heart continued its steady, silent rhythm, a beacon in the dimming afternoon light. It was a target. With a surge of decisive action, I pounced. My front claws, carefully sheathed, hooked into the soft fabric as my powerful hind legs began their punishing work. The fox was the perfect size and density for a full, furious bunny-kick. It was glorious. The soft body absorbed my assault, the crinkly ears providing a percussive accompaniment to my righteous fury. Then, in the midst of my triumph, a cheerful, electronic voice chirped, "I feel so happy!" I froze mid-kick, utterly appalled. This vulgar little automaton dared to assign an emotion to my primal display of dominance? The audacity! I gave it one final, contemptuous thump for its insolence. The verdict was in. The fox’s electronic soul is an abomination, an insult to any creature of refined taste. However, its physical form is, I must admit, superb. The crinkle, the ribbons, and the plush, kickable body are of the highest quality. It shall serve as my silent training dummy, but the moment it speaks of its "feelings" again, I will make it my personal mission to find and destroy the battery that gives it voice. It has earned its place, albeit a precarious one.
