Pete's Expert Summary
My human has presented me with another one of their bafflingly complex ritual objects. They call it "Monopoly," a flat, foldable territory map where they spend hours moving tiny metal effigies and exchanging colorful slips of paper. From my superior vantage point, I deduce its true purpose. The game itself is a tedious affair of human noises and pointless rules about "rent" and "bankruptcy"—concepts I already enforce through strategic shedding and staring. However, the components show promise. The little houses and hotels are exquisitely sized for being batted under the heaviest furniture, and the metal tokens, now larger and heavier, would surely produce a satisfying *skitter* across the hardwood floors. The true prize, however, is the lidded banker's tray. While the paper inside is worthless, the tray itself is a potential five-star napping receptacle, assuming I can persuade my staff to empty it for me.
Key Features
- WORLD’S FAVORITE BOARD GAME WITH UPGRADES: Go big or go broke! This Monopoly game is the Family Game Night staple fans love with the upgrades they’ve asked for—plus a fresh, modern look
- GET RICH. GET EVEN. BANKRUPT EVERYONE: Buy out neighborhoods, sell properties, charge rent, and grow an empire! To conquer the competition, be the last with money when all others have gone broke
- A BANKER’S TRAY FOR THE COLD HARD CASH: Keep Monopoly money, Title Deeds, houses, and hotels organized in the sleek Banker’s storage tray—now with a lid
- MOVE IN STYLE WITH 8 METAL TOKENS: Choose from 8 Monopoly tokens, all larger than in previous editions : Scottie Dog, Hazel the Cat, Racecar, Top Hat, Thimble, Rubber Ducky, Penguin, and Sack of Money
- FLEX WEALTH WITH HOUSES AND HOTELS: Increase assets as a filthy rich landlord, and buy houses and hotels to collect more rent
- ANYTIME FUN WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS: Bring the fam together and compete to own it all on game nights, before dinner, on vacations, and more. Includes an “Our Family Monopoly Game Records” to track winners
- GREAT GIFTS FOR KIDS AND ADULTS: With a fresh, modern look and smaller package for easy storage in the games closet, this indoor game is a go-to birthday or holiday gift for kids ages 8+ and adults
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The evening began, as many do, with the humans collapsing onto the floor and unfurling this garish landscape. My initial interest was, as always, tactical. The box lid made an acceptable observation post. But then, I saw them. Lined up like prisoners for inspection were the metal tokens. A dog, a duck, a hat... and *her*. A sleek, silver cat token, an imposter they called "Hazel." An affront. My human, the one I permit to share my residence, chose this "Hazel" as her champion. I watched, my tail twitching with silent judgment, as she moved the tiny metal usurper across the board. Park Place. Boardwalk. With each roll of the dice, this silver pretender was accumulating my territory, my prime sunning spots, my favorite scratching posts—all represented by cheap, colorful cards. This aggression could not stand. While the humans were distracted by some argument over "luxury tax," I saw my opportunity. The game board, warmed by their presence, was an inviting stage for my coup. I rose from the box lid and stretched, a casual, fluid movement that drew no suspicion. I sauntered onto the board, my paws deliberately avoiding the spaces, for I am beholden to no dice-based fate. I sniffed at the Racecar, gave the Thimble a look of profound disdain, and then I arrived at my target. The Hazel token sat smugly on a square with a little red hotel. With the delicate precision of a surgeon, I extended a single claw from my white mitten. I did not swat. That would be crude. Instead, I hooked the claw gently around the base of the Hazel token. My human looked down. "Oh, Pete, you want to play?" she cooed, entirely missing the gravity of the situation. I ignored her, my focus absolute. I began to drag the token. Not randomly, but with cold, calculated purpose. Past the Electric Company, over the Railroads, I pulled the silver charlatan towards the one place on this board that held any true meaning for me. With a final, deliberate nudge, I deposited the Hazel token squarely in the "Jail" space. I then sat down directly on top of her, trapping her beneath my plush, gray form. I looked up at my human, blinked slowly, and began to purr. The game, as far as I was concerned, was over. I had won.
