A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Walking Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
HYES
Behemoth Disarmed; Its Trinkets Relocated to My Caches
★★★☆☆
Whitman
Coin Prison Condemned as Active Threat to Floor-Shiny Supply
★☆☆☆☆
Plnmlls
Self-Preserving Crab Earns Status as Tactical Training Drone
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: VTech
Noisy Plastic Chariot Pressed Into Feline Transport Service
Pete deplores the VTech walker's cacophony but engineers a cunning arrangement in which the toddler becomes his unwitting chauffeur, shuttling him toward the kitchen on demand.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human seems to think this garish plastic contraption is a 'toy.' From my observations, it's a mobile assault vehicle designed for the smallest, loudest variety of human. Its purpose is clear: to transform a relatively harmless, floor-bound creature into an upright, stumbling menace capable of reaching higher shelves and, more importantly, my food bowl. I…

Continued on the story page →
Image of VTech Sit-to-Stand Learning Walker (Frustration Free Packaging), Blue
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Terrible toy; exceptional personal transport.
From The Desk
Image of QDRAGON 3 in 1 Baby Walker and Activity Center for Girl, Learning to Walk, Sit to Stand, Early Educational Push Toys with Music Panel for Infant Toddler 12+ Months Pink
QDRAGON
Elephant Piano Repurposed as Personal Staff Intercom

My human has, in her infinite and questionable wisdom, procured a monstrosity from a brand called 'QDRAGON.' It is a garish pink plastic walker, a mobile prison designed to help t…

★★★★☆ — A triumph. I now have a voice.
More From The Desk
Image of KSABVAIA Plush Golden Retriever Toy Puppy Electronic Interactive Dog - Walking, Barking, Tail Wagging, Stretching Companion Animal for Kids Toddlers
KSABVAIA
Hollow Canine Fraud Dismissed With a Sanitizing Paw-Lick

So, the Human has brought this... thing... into my domain. It appears to be a battery-operated canine imposter from a brand with a name like a keyboa…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of Walk King - Race on Stairs
GameNest Bahce
Screen Paw Down, Lesson Delivered, Bowl Remains Inadequate

My human has procured yet another glowing rectangle of questionable merit, a digital time-waster called "Walk King - Race on Stairs." From what I can…

★★☆☆☆
Image of furReal Walk-A-Lots Bernedoodle Interactive Toy, 8-inch Walking Plush Puppy with Sounds, Faux Fur, Kids Toys for Ages 4 Up by Just Play
Just Play
Wobbling Imposter Loses Investigation, Loses Meaning

So, the human has procured a "furReal Walk-A-Lots Bernedoodle," which is a fancy way of saying they've brought home a battery-operated mockery of a c…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of Little Live Pets My Walking Penguin - Waddles Soft and Cuddly Interactive Toy Penguin That Walks, Dances and Flaps It's Wings. 25+ Sounds and Reactions. Batteries Included. for Kids Ages 5+
Little Live Pets
Burping Spy Toppled; Retained Solely for the Sport of It

My human, in a fit of what I can only describe as profound delusion, has acquired a "pet penguin." This is, of course, a battery-operated charlatan n…

★★☆☆☆
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