A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Strawberry Shortcake Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
The Loyal Subjects
Frictionless Plastic Puck Redeems the Offensive Scent
★★★☆☆
The Loyal Subjects
Pink Cat Sentenced to Exile Under the Credenza
★☆☆☆☆
Horizon Group USA
Pen Under the Credenza, Journal Promoted to Chin Rest
★★☆☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: The Loyal Subjects
Doll Dispatched; Tiny Basket Claimed as War Prize
Pete dismisses the sweet-smelling fashion doll within seconds and executes a precision extraction of the tiny surprise basket, declaring it the evening's only worthwhile trophy.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human has procured what appears to be a small, plastic effigy of a human child, apparently from a bygone, and frankly, garishly dressed, era. This "Strawberry Shortcake" doll is an assault on the senses, primarily due to the synthetic, sickly-sweet scent wafting from its synthetic auburn hair. While its 5.5-inch, poseable frame makes it a theoretically p…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Strawberry Shortcake 'Limited Edition' Classic Version Strawberry Shortcake 5.5-inch Poseable Sweet Scented Fashion Doll with 4 Surprise Reveal Accessories
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★☆☆☆
The basket is mine; the rest, irrelevant.
From The Desk
Image of The Loyal Subjects Strawberry Shortcake 14-Inch Doll
The Loyal Subjects
Adequate Sparring Dummy, Spectacular Cardboard Box

My human has presented me with this... "Strawberry Shortcake" doll from a brand called "The Loyal Subjects," which is a bit audacious considering I am the only loyal subject in th…

★★★☆☆ — She'll do. The box is far superior.
More From The Desk
Image of Crazy Aaron's Strawberry Shortcake™ SCENTsory® Putty - Made in USA
Crazy Aaron's
The Blob Endures as a Slow-Release Micro-Toy Dispenser

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume is nostalgia-fueled poor judgment, has brought home a tin of "Crazy Aaron's Strawberry Shortcake SCENTso…

★★★☆☆
Image of Funko POP! Retro Toys: Strawberry Shortcake - Raspberry Torte Tart - Collectable Vinyl Figure - Gift Idea - Official Merchandise - for Kids & Adults - TV Fans - Model Figure for Collectors
Funko
Vinyl Intruder Neutralized Under Superior Feline Coat

So, the human has acquired another one of these little plastic effigies from the Funko corporation. This one is apparently called "Raspberry Torte Ta…

★★☆☆☆
Image of Strawberry Shortcake Puffy Sticker Playset, Cute Puffy Stickers & Double-Sided Play Scene, Sticker Books for Kids, Toddler Activity Book, Kids Activities, Reusable Sticker Book, Kids Stickers
Two-Dimensional Nonsense Unworthy of a Single Pounce

My human has presented me with this... "sticker playset." From what I can gather through a brief, disdainful glance, it is a flat, foldable board wit…

★☆☆☆☆
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