A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
The Pete Gazette
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Tonner
Articulated Vampire Demoted to Curator's Canvas at Midnight
Our critic stares down the seventeen-inch Edward Cullen, discovers his fourteen joints invite nocturnal choreography, and retains him as a medium for absurdist tableau-making.
My human has presented me with a 'Tonner Edward Cullen Doll,' which is a fancy way of saying they've purchased a 17-inch plastic man-figure designed to stare blankly from a shelf. It reeks of 'collector's item,' meaning it's meant to gather dust, not glory in battle. From my discerning viewpoint, its purpose is deeply flawed. While the stiff, film-accurate …
Continued on the story page →
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
A canvas for my whimsy. It stays.
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