A photo of Pete the cat

Pete's Toy Box: Raggedy Ann

Bundle of 2 Aurora Dolls - Large 16'' Classic Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy

By: Aurora

Pete's Expert Summary

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume is a bizarre nostalgia for a time before my glorious existence, has brought two lanky, floppy effigies into my domain. From what I can gather, this is a matched set of "Raggedy Ann" and "Raggedy Andy" dolls from a brand called Aurora. They are excessively large, with unsettling plastic button eyes and hair made of yarn—the latter being the only feature of remote interest to a feline of my caliber. They are allegedly soft and durable, which translates to "can be used for a nap" and "will withstand a vigorous bunny-kicking session." Their primary function seems to be sitting there silently, judging my every move with their vacant stares and saccharine "I Love You" hearts. They are, in essence, glorified pillows with questionable fashion sense.

Key Features

  • Bundle includes Large 16'' Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy Dolls
  • Classic Design with Yarn Hair
  • Has Traditional "I Love You" Heart on Chest and Features Plastic Button Eyes
  • Traditional Style Ann and Andy
  • Made with top quality materials for softness, safety, and durability

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The two of them arrived on a Tuesday, a day typically reserved for napping in the western-facing sunbeam and contemplating the futility of the gnat that occasionally buzzes against the windowpane. The human called them "Ann" and "Andy," setting them up on my favorite velvet armchair like a pair of silent, grinning usurpers. I watched from the safety of the credenza, tail twitching. They were an affront. The female one, with her unruly red yarn hair, seemed to be smiling at a private joke, while the male one just looked vacant, a lanky fool in a ridiculous sailor suit. They did not move. They did not blink. They were the perfect assassins, waiting for me to let my guard down. My approach was strategic. I slunk low to the ground, my gray tuxedo fur making me a shadow against the dark wood floors. I circled the armchair, a low, guttural growl rumbling in my chest to test their resolve. They remained impassive, their plastic button eyes reflecting the lamplight with a glassy, soulless sheen. This called for a direct confrontation. With a powerful leap, I landed silently on the arm of the chair, inches from the female’s face. I stared into her button eyes, trying to divine her intent. I batted one of the yarn braids. It swung, lifeless. Pathetic. My investigation then turned to the male accomplice. I sniffed his chest, right over the foolishly embroidered "I Love You" heart. A lie. A blatant, sentimental lie. He smelled of a warehouse and false promises. In a flash of decisive action, I delivered a firm paw-pat to his stupid face. The effect was immediate and anticlimactic. He simply flopped over, collapsing against his partner in a soft heap of printed fabric and plush stuffing. There was no counter-attack, no defense. Only surrender. It was in their defeat that I discovered their true purpose. They were not assassins, nor spies, nor even rivals for the human's affection. They were simply… soft. As they lay there in a tangled, ignominious pile, they formed a perfect, hollowed-out nest. I surveyed my handiwork, the two vanquished foes now a cradle of comfort. After a moment of consideration, I stepped into the middle of the plush wreckage, kneaded their combined softness into a suitable shape, and curled up. The case was closed. They were utterly useless as toys, but as a surprisingly durable, multi-part bed with a view of the gnat, they would be permitted to stay. For now.
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Aurora Bundle of 2 Dolls - 12'' Raggedy Ann & Raggedy Andy

By: Aurora

Pete's Expert Summary

So, the Human has presented me with a duo of... floppy homunculi, apparently named Ann and Andy, from a company called Aurora. I will concede that Aurora has a certain reputation for quality stuffing, which is paramount in a good kick-toy. Their primary, and perhaps only, redeeming feature is the shock of red yarn masquerading as hair—a tempting target for a well-aimed paw. The rest of them appears to be an inert collection of vintage fabric and sentimental stitching, specifically that ridiculous heart. They offer no electronic chirps, no frantic scuttling, no catnip-fueled ecstasy. Their value will be determined by a simple test: can they withstand a full-force bunny-kick, or will they just be two more soft obstacles on the way to the food bowl?

Key Features

  • Includes one 12" Raggedy Ann doll and one 12'' Raggedy Andy doll
  • Classic design with red yarn hair
  • Has traditional "I love you" Heart on chest
  • Beautifully dressed in vintage-inspired fabrics

A Tale from Pete the Cat

They arrived in a clear prison, a plastic bag from which the Human liberated them with a triumphant coo. She placed them side-by-side on the living room rug, two silent figures with unnervingly permanent smiles. They were not toys. They were effigies, monuments to some forgotten, simpler time when entertainment didn't require batteries or feathers. I watched from the arm of the sofa, my tail giving a slow, judgmental thump-thump-thump against the upholstery. They sat there, limp and expectant. I recognized their kind. They were sentries, placed to observe my domain and report back to the larger forces at work. I descended from my perch with the gravitas of a king inspecting new subjects. I circled them once, twice. My whiskers, instruments of profound sensitivity, brushed against the male figure’s checkered shirt. It was soft, but sturdy. He smelled of the factory and the long journey here, a sterile scent devoid of life or interest. I nudged his yarn-haired head with my nose. He flopped onto his back, revealing the stitched heart on his chest. A confession. "I love you," it proclaimed. A likely story. It was clearly a coded message, a sign of allegiance to the Human, the warden of this comfortable prison. My investigation moved to the female. Her dress was a field of tiny flowers, an obvious attempt at camouflage. I batted at her red yarn hair, testing its tensile strength. It was surprisingly springy, an intriguing quality. As my paw connected, she toppled sideways, landing softly against her companion. And in that moment, I understood their true purpose. They were not guards or spies. They were... furniture. Specialized, mobile, aesthetically questionable pillows. They were placed here not for me to vanquish, but for me to lean against. With a sigh of profound world-weariness, I curled myself into the soft space between them. Ann’s yarn hair tickled my ear and Andy’s limp arm draped over my tuxedoed chest like a comforting blanket. They were silent, unassuming, and offered a surprising degree of structural support for a mid-afternoon nap. The Human, of course, mistook my strategic appropriation of comfort for affection. Let her. My verdict was in: as combatants, they are a failure. As co-conspirators in the grand pursuit of slumber? Acceptable. They may remain.
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Jolitee Raggedy Ann Classic Dolls Book Set Collection (Raggedy Ann Stories Set)

By: Aurora

Pete's Expert Summary

So, my human, in a fit of what I can only describe as bewildering nostalgia, has presented me with this... artifact. It appears to be a two-part system: a floppy, oversized humanoid effigy and a hard, flat rectangle covered in primitive markings. The brand, Aurora, suggests the plush component might at least be of decent construction, and therefore suitable for a vigorous session of bunny-kicking. The doll’s large, lanky form and yarn hair could offer some tactile amusement. The book, however, is a complete waste of pulp; it’s not soft, it doesn’t crinkle, and I suspect it tastes dreadful. My time would be better spent supervising the dust bunnies under the sofa than trying to decipher its purpose, though the doll itself might just be a worthy sparring partner.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

It arrived in a box, but I smelled its presence before the lid was even lifted—the faint, sterile scent of new cloth and bleached paper. The human called it "Raggedy Ann." It was a specter, a silent sentinel placed in my favorite armchair, all lanky limbs, calico dress, and two soulless black buttons where its eyes should be. They seemed to follow me as I padded across the room, unblinking and vacant. That first night, I watched it from the shadows atop the bookcase. Moonlight streamed through the window, catching the chaotic halo of its red yarn hair. It did not move, did not breathe, yet its stillness felt more profound and unsettling than any living thing. It was a ghost made of stuffing and thread. My investigation began under the cloak of darkness. I crept down from my perch, a sleek gray shadow against the pale rug. I circled the armchair, my tail twitching, my whiskers sampling the air. The effigy remained limp, its head lolling to one side. Beside it lay the hard-paged talisman its presence was tied to. I leaped onto the chair, sniffing the book first. It smelled of ink and old trees, a codex of forgotten lore. Perhaps it held the secret to exorcising this soft-bodied spirit. I nudged the pages with my nose, but they offered no answers, only static images of the creature itself. There was nothing for it. The spirit had to be confronted directly. I extended a single, cautious paw, claws sheathed, and tapped its foot. Nothing. I batted a floppy arm. It swung back and forth with a gentle, silent momentum. Emboldened, I gave its yarn-thatched head a firm shove. It flopped forward, revealing the plain, unadorned back of its skull. It was hollow. Not physically, but spiritually. There was no malevolence here, no ancient curse, no watchful intelligence. There was only... fluff. This was no ghost. It was a throne. A magnificent, plush, and utterly compliant throne. I kneaded my paws into its soft, forgiving torso, the fabric yielding perfectly under the pressure. I circled three times, pushed my face into its yarn hair—which was surprisingly pleasant to rub against—and settled into a deep, rumbling purr. The unblinking button eyes no longer seemed menacing; they were simply the vacant gaze of a conquered territory. Let the human have her nostalgia. I had claimed my new bed.
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Aurora® Timeless Raggedy Ann & Raggedy Andy® Raggedy Andy Classic Stuffed Animal - Cherished Memories - Lasting Play - Multicolor 16 Inches

By: Aurora

Pete's Expert Summary

Ah, another offering from the Biped. This appears to be a "Raggedy Andy," a lanky, floppy homunculus from the Aurora brand, known for its generally passable fluff-filled creations. It's essentially a large, soft-bodied sack designed to appeal to sentimental humans who long for a simpler time, a time I can only assume had fewer high-quality catnip mice. Its primary features from my perspective are its considerable size—making it either an excellent wrestling dummy or a significant obstacle—and its absurd red yarn hair, which practically begs to be methodically extracted, strand by strand. While its "timeless charm" is utterly lost on me, the "high-quality materials" might make for a decent temporary pillow, provided it doesn't intrude upon my established napping territories. It's a gamble; it could be a five-minute distraction or, more likely, just another piece of colorful clutter.

Key Features

  • This plush is approx. 9.5" x 3.5" x 17" in size
  • Made from the highest-quality materials so the fun never ends
  • Brings a timeless charm to the world of plush toys by embodying the beloved classic characters with a modern touch
  • These plush figures are lovingly crafted with attention to detail and have vintage-inspired clothing!
  • This plush contains small parts that are suitable for ages 18 months and older

A Tale from Pete the Cat

It arrived with the sort of reverence my human usually reserves for the opening of a fresh can of tuna, which immediately put me on high alert. She placed it on the floor, a silent, smiling thing with vacant black eyes and an outfit more cheerful than any situation warrants. It flopped into a seated position, its striped legs splayed at an unnatural angle. It didn't move. It didn't blink. It just sat there, a fabric sentinel guarding a patch of carpet that was, until that moment, rightfully and exclusively mine. I watched it from the safety of the sofa, my tail giving a slow, menacing thump-thump-thump against the cushions. This was not prey. This was an effigy, an interloper with a stitched-on grin that I found deeply unsettling. Later that evening, under the cloak of shadows cast by a single floor lamp, I began my reconnaissance. I crept towards the silent figure, my gray paws making no sound on the rug. The air around it smelled of new dye and synthetic stuffing, an industrial odor completely devoid of the honest, earthy scent of a mouse or a bird. I extended a single, sharp claw and gave its blue overalls a tentative poke. The fabric was sturdy, but yielded with a soft squish. Emboldened, I batted at the mop of red yarn on its head. It wobbled, its head lolling back before settling, the smile still fixed, still mocking. It was an unsatisfying interaction. It offered no resistance, no chase, no thrill. It was simply... there. My campaign of intimidation was failing. The next day, the human moved it, placing it in the corner of *my* favorite velvet armchair. The audacity. This was a declaration of war. I leaped onto the chair, preparing to unleash the full fury of my claws upon its checkered torso. But as I circled my new, unwanted roommate, a thought occurred to my highly-developed brain. I had been viewing it all wrong. It wasn't a rival for affection or a toy. It was an *amenity*. Its purpose was not to be played with, but to serve. With a final, disdainful sniff, I turned my back on its smiling face, curled up against its soft, yielding side, and let its body prop me up. It was, I had to admit, the perfect shape and density to support my regal, tuxedo-clad form while I surveyed my kingdom. The doll was a success, but not in the way the human intended. It was not a plaything; it was a non-consenting, inanimate valet, a plush buttress for my superior comfort. It could stay, so long as it remembered its place is to be leaned on, not looked at.
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Aurora - Raggedy Ann Classic - 16" Love is Timeless Raggedy Andy

By: Aurora

Pete's Expert Summary

My Human has presented me with what appears to be a limp, fabric effigy of a small, smiling biped. They call him 'Raggedy Andy.' At sixteen inches, he's a substantial presence, though utterly lacking in the essential qualities of a worthy adversary—namely, a pulse and the good sense to flee. The construction, by a brand known as Aurora, seems adequate, with embroidered features that won't pop off and become a choking hazard (a detail the Human seems overly concerned with). The yarn hair might offer a moment's distraction, but frankly, its primary purpose appears to be occupying a corner and gathering dust. It might serve as an acceptable pillow in a pinch, but I suspect its main function is to remind the Human of a time before they understood their true purpose: serving me.

Key Features

  • Doll measures approximately 16" high
  • Made in the traditional Raggedy Ann and Andy style, including yarn hair and embroidered heart on the chest
  • Beautifully embroidered facial features and clothing details
  • Made in the classic Raggedy Ann & Andy style
  • Part of the classic Raggedy Ann & Andy collection

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The Human placed the new arrival on *my* velvet armchair, a clear violation of established territory. It sat there, slumped and unnervingly cheerful, its yarn hair the color of a sunset I once disdained from the window. This was not a toy. Toys squeak, or crinkle, or contain the glorious scent of catnip. This was a silent sentinel, a soft spy sent to observe my napping schedule and report back to the Powers That Be (the ones who operate the can opener). I circled it warily, my gray tail twitching, my white paws silent on the rug. It didn't flinch. Its embroidered eyes stared straight ahead, holding a secret I was determined to uncover. My first approach was subtle. A simple reconnaissance mission. I sniffed its plaid shirt, detecting only the faint, sterile scent of a factory. I extended a single, perfect claw and gently snagged a thread on its blue trousers. I watched its face for any sign of alarm, but the stitched smile remained. This was a professional. It gave nothing away. I decided a more direct line of inquiry was needed. I leapt onto the arm of the chair, positioning myself as its equal, and stared directly into its soulless, fabric eyes. "What is your purpose here?" I projected, using the low, rumbling frequency only other highly intelligent beings can perceive. It responded with profound, floppy silence. Frustration began to curdle my professional curiosity. The sheer audacity of its passivity was an insult. It was then that I spotted it: the embroidered red heart on its chest, with the word "LOVE" stitched above it. A vulnerability? A power source? I decided to test my hypothesis. With the grace of a miniature panther, I pounced, landing squarely on the doll and sinking my teeth into the plush area just beside the ridiculous yarn hair. I wrapped all four paws around its torso and unleashed a flurry of bunny-kicks aimed directly at the heart-symbol. It was glorious. The effigy collapsed under my assault, offering a perfectly satisfying, yielding resistance without any of the annoying shrieks or struggles of a lesser toy. It was then I understood. This creature wasn't a spy or a sentinel. It was a tribute. A soft, durable effigy brought here for the sole purpose of absorbing my magnificence and serving as a worthy, if silent, sparring partner. It was a vessel designed to withstand the full force of my predatory prowess. The Human chided me from the doorway, but I knew the truth. This 'Raggedy Andy' understood his place. He was not a rival for the armchair, but a permanent resident of the floor, waiting to be vanquished again and again. He is, I must admit, a high-quality vanquishing dummy. He may stay.
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MasterPieces – Jigsaw Puzzle Set for Kids 6+ Years, 4-Pack of 100 Pieces, Educational and Fun Game, Raggedy Ann Collection, Gift Idea for Children, 8" x 10

By: Masterpieces

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to believe my intellect requires constant stimulation, and their latest offering is this... a collection of boxes filled with brightly colored, oddly-shaped cardboard morsels. Apparently, these "MasterPieces" are for human kittens, designed to teach them something or other. The sheer quantity is notable—four sets of 100 pieces each. While the "Raggedy Ann" creature depicted is of no interest to a feline of my refined tastes, the potential for 400 individual, lightweight, skitter-friendly objects cannot be ignored. The true appeal, of course, lies not in the "fun-filled learning" but in the exquisite opportunity for strategic relocation of key components. This could be a magnificent source of chaotic entertainment, or, if the pieces are too large to bat effectively, a complete waste of the perfectly good box they arrived in.

Key Features

  • VARIETY PACK: Set of 4 puzzles feature different designs in vibrant colors; great surprise for young puzzle lovers and playtime; MasterPieces is an American Puzzle & Game Company
  • FUN-FILLED LEARNING: This jigsaw puzzle offers hours of stimulating play, smiles and screen-free entertainment; promotes essential problem-solving skills, hand-eye coordination, and fine motor development, making learning enjoyable and engaging for kids
  • UNIQUE SHAPES: Puzzles feature 100 pieces in a variety of cuts ensuring an age-appropriate challenge; thick interlocking pieces secure tightly; matte finish reduces eye strain
  • ENVIRONMENTALLY RESPONSIBLE: These puzzles are made from 100% recycled material and non-toxic soy-based inks
  • ENTERTAINMENT FOR ALL: MasterPieces’ collection offers the perfect way to help keep children entertained; select from jigsaw puzzles; educational toys, and Bingo games

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The box arrived on a Tuesday, an otherwise unremarkable day dedicated to a sunbeam migration project I was overseeing in the living room. The Staff placed it on the coffee table with an air of ceremony I found tiresome. The scent was the first clue: dry cardboard, a faint, almost nutty smell from the "soy-based inks," and the lingering aroma of the warehouse—a place I imagine is filled with lesser, unenlightened cats. She called it a "puzzle," a primitive human ritual of forcing chaos into order. I watched from my perch on the armchair, feigning disinterest, my tail giving only a slight, contemptuous twitch. She spilled the contents, and a riot of color and shape exploded across the dark wood of the table. A hundred little tragedies waiting to happen. There were reds, blues, and the unsettlingly cheerful face of that yarn-haired doll. The Staff began her clumsy work, peering at the pieces, trying to match a sliver of blue dress to a sliver of blue sky. It was pathetic. She was trying to build a cage of logic around this beautiful, anarchic mess. I knew, with the certainty of a predator spotting a weakness, that this could not stand. My "help" was required. I made my move with practiced nonchalance, leaping silently onto the table. I sniffed at a few pieces, giving them the consideration one might afford a particularly uninspired can of pâté. Then I saw it. A uniquely shaped piece, all curves on one side and a sharp, defiant point on the other. It was part of the doll's garish red hair. It was crucial. I could feel its importance. With a delicate, surgical flick of my paw, I sent it sailing. It didn't just fall; it soared, catching the air for a moment before landing with a soft *skitter-thump* on the hardwood floor, where it slid silently and perfectly under the heaviest bookshelf in the room. I hopped down, sauntered over to my favorite rug, and began grooming a single, immaculate white paw, observing The Staff from the corner of my eye. The search began minutes later. A quiet murmur of confusion, then the rustling of the remaining pieces, then a frustrated sigh. She would not find it. Not today, not ever. The puzzle would remain a testament to imperfection, a monument to my superior understanding of play. This "MasterPieces" set, I concluded, was an excellent toy. It wasn't about putting things together; it was about the singular, god-like power of taking one, essential thing away.
Image of MasterPieces – Jigsaw Puzzle Set for Kids 6+ Years, 4-Pack of 100 Pieces, Educational and Fun Game, Raggedy Ann Collection, Gift Idea for Children, 8" x 10 View Details

The Doll Maker Precious Moments Dolls, Linda Rick, Timeless Traditions Raggedy Ann, 12 inch Doll

By: Precious Moments

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to have acquired a small, silent, human-shaped effigy. Based on the data, this is a "Raggedy Ann" collectible doll, which means it’s designed to sit on a shelf and do absolutely nothing. It has a vinyl face, which is entirely unsuitable for satisfying chewing, and is adorned with "fine fabrics" and lace, which is human-code for "do not touch with your murder-claws." From my perspective, this object possesses zero playability. It doesn't skitter, it doesn't crinkle, it isn't filled with catnip, and it can't be satisfyingly disemboweled. It is, in essence, a professionally crafted dust-gatherer, a profound and utter waste of the space a perfectly good sunbeam could occupy.

Key Features

  • Artist: Linda Rick, The Doll Maker
  • Vinyl Doll
  • Made with the finest fabrics, lace, ribbons and wigs
  • Artist: Linda Rick Medium: Vinyl
  • Made with the finest fabrics, lace, ribbons and wigs

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The box it arrived in was, I admit, of a respectable quality. Sturdy corners, a satisfying scrape under the claw, a perfect enclosure for a brief nap. But the contents were a grave disappointment. My human cooed as she lifted out the creature. It had the limp, floppy body of a defeated foe, but its face was unnervingly rigid, its painted eyes staring into a dimension I could not perceive. It wore a dress of calico and an apron of pristine white, an absurd costume for an object with no apparent duties. She placed it on the mantelpiece, a silent, smiling judge presiding over the living room. For days, I observed it from a distance. I would leap onto the back of the sofa, my gray-and-white form a study in sleek suspicion, and just watch. It never blinked. It never moved. The sun would trace its path across the room, illuminating the dust motes dancing around its red yarn hair, and still, it sat, locked in a state of placid uselessness. I concluded it was not a toy, nor a rival for affection. It was a test. A psychological operation designed by the human to gauge my legendary patience. One evening, fueled by a particularly delicious portion of salmon pâté and a surge of intellectual curiosity, I decided to confront the enigma. With a powerful, silent leap, I landed on the mantel, my paws making no sound on the polished wood. I crept closer, my nose twitching, taking in the faint scent of vinyl and fabric sizing. I stared directly into its teardrop eyes. "What is your purpose?" I projected, with all the intensity a superior feline mind can muster. "You offer no chase. You provide no sport. You are simply... there." The doll, of course, said nothing. Its painted smile was its only, infuriating reply. I reached out a paw, claws carefully retracted, and gave its head a gentle pat. The yarn hair was coarse, the vinyl face cold and unyielding. It was then I understood. This creature wasn't for me at all. It was a monument to the human's strange sentimentality. It was as interactive as a rock and as entertaining as a closed door. With a flick of my tail that communicated my ultimate disdain, I leaped back to the floor. It was unworthy of my attention, my intellect, and most certainly, my claws. The box it came in, however, would make a fine fortress for the remainder of the week.
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MasterPieces 60 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle for Kids - Raggedy Ann and Andy Picnic Friends - 14"x19"

By: Masterpieces

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to have acquired a box of what I can only describe as flat, colorful clutter. They call it a "jigsaw puzzle," ostensibly for a smaller, less refined version of themselves. It's a collection of sixty thick, recycled cardboard pieces that are meant to be painstakingly arranged into a single, static image of two unnervingly cheerful rag-dolls. From my perspective, the final picture is irrelevant and a waste of perfectly good floor space. However, the individual pieces themselves… they are large, sturdy, and have a satisfying heft. They are clearly not for "solving," but for batting, sliding, and, most importantly, hiding in places the human won't think to look for months. This could be a worthy distraction, provided the human doesn't become too attached to the pointless goal of "completion."

Key Features

  • Find The Right Fit – Designed with your little one in mind our piece count and piece size guide help determine the best matched puzzle by age and skill level for your child.
  • Screen Free Activity For Kids – Kids need time playing “in real life”. Help their creative thinking while also keeping them entertained. Build a strong connection with your child as you complete this activity with them.
  • Durable Design – Our puzzle board is made with 100% thick recycled material and non-toxic, soy-based inks. Each piece has a paper backing to make pieces sturdier so they can be enjoyed for years to come.
  • Mentally Stimulating - Our puzzles are designed to be both fun and challenging. A fun activity to promote problem solving, logical thinking, fine motor skill development, and spatial awareness.
  • Quality Guarantee - MasterPieces is an American Puzzle & Game Company. We support you with our missing piece replacement 100% guarantee. If you have any questions, you can contact us directly for additional support.

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The rattle of the box was my first clue. It wasn't the promising rustle of a treat bag, nor the metallic clink of my food bowl being prepared. It was a dry, papery cascade, and it signaled the arrival of a new human obsession. My human, bless their simple heart, spilled the contents onto the living room rug—my rug—and a jumble of brightly colored shapes scattered across the plush fibers. I observed from my perch on the armchair, tail giving a slow, judgmental twitch. On the box stood two figures with vacant button eyes and yarn hair, a sight I found profoundly disturbing. This, I deduced, was not for me. My human began the ritual, sorting edges and muttering to themself. I descended from the chair for a closer inspection, my gray tuxedo form moving with silent grace. The pieces were thicker than I expected, with a smooth, almost glossy finish. One piece, a vibrant slice of red from one of the doll's garish dresses, lay slightly apart from the others. An invitation. I extended a single white paw, my claws carefully retracted, and gave it a gentle pat. It didn't just move; it *skated* across the polished hardwood floor just beyond the rug's edge, coming to a rest perfectly under the lip of the bookshelf. A delightful skittering sound. My ears swiveled forward. Well, now. This changed things. The human, oblivious, located the piece and placed it back into the growing frame. A futile gesture. While they were distracted by a particularly complex patch of picnic blanket, I executed my plan. I identified my target: a piece with a single, unnerving button eye on it. It was a corner piece of a face, the key to one of the doll's soulless gazes. With a swift, precise strike, I launched it. The piece flew in a beautiful arc, landing with a soft *thump* in the pot of the decorative fern. It was a masterstroke of stealth and trajectory. The human would later spend ten minutes on their hands and knees, sighing in frustration. I retired to my velvet cushion, feigning sleep. The puzzle itself was a monument to human foolishness, an exercise in creating order from chaos only to break it apart again. But the manufacturer, this "MasterPieces," had inadvertently created a superior product. They had engineered sixty premium, non-toxic, perfectly weighted projectiles. They were not puzzle pieces. They were ammunition for my war against boredom. The human could have their bland picture of unsettling dolls; I had already claimed my victory, one stolen, perfectly hidden piece at a time. It was, I concluded with a deep sense of satisfaction, an object of exceptional quality.
Image of MasterPieces 60 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle for Kids - Raggedy Ann and Andy Picnic Friends - 14"x19" View Details

GUND Baby My First Dolly, Plush Doll for Babies and Toddlers, Pink/White, 13”

By: Baby Gund

Pete's Expert Summary

It appears the human has acquired a soft effigy of one of their own young. This "My First Dolly" by GUND is, ostensibly, for a baby human to slobber on. From my superior vantage point, I can see its primary features are softness and an unnerving, stitched-on smile. While the lack of catnip, feathers, or any sort of frantic, unpredictable movement makes it fundamentally useless as a proper toy, I concede its high-quality plush construction might make it a serviceable, if garishly pink, secondary pillow. It is an object destined for a life of being hugged and washed, a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, except perhaps the vacuum cleaner.

Key Features

  • PLUSH BABY DOLL: This 13” plush doll has a tuft of blonde hair, a soft, frilly pink-and-white dress with “My First Dolly” embroidery, and a matching pink hat adorned with embroidered flowers. It’s the perfect size for little hands to take anywhere
  • HIGH-QUALITY, SAFE MATERIALS: Every doll is designed to meet the highest safety standards for baby toys, including embroidered facial details to ensure safe use for all ages 0+. My First Dolly is machine-washable and ships in a protective poly bag
  • BABY SHOWER GIFTS: Baby GUND toys make the perfect gifts for new parents and baby showers, as well as beautiful modern nursery decor pieces. Whether it’s for a first birthday or just because, gift a lifetime of hugs with a GUND
  • QUALITY CUDDLES: Our award-winning bears and kids’ toys appeal to animal lovers everywhere, known for their unmatched quality and huggable designs. From toddler toys to adults of all ages, GUND toys are perfect for play, collecting and cuddling
  • PREMIER PLUSH: As one of America’s first soft toy makers, GUND has crafted unique and classic bears and stuffed animals for 125 years. To this day, we proudly carry this legacy and stand by our toys, known worldwide for their quality and innovation
  • Includes: 1 Baby GUND My First Dolly 13” Plush Doll, Poly Bag
  • Covered by the Spin Master Care Commitment. See below for full details

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The thing arrived in a crinkly, transparent skin, which the human peeled away with an infuriating amount of cooing. It was a floppy, pink-clad creature with hair the color of dried grass and eyes that were nothing more than black thread. They called it a "dolly" and placed it in the center of the Big Comfy Chair, my Big Comfy Chair, as if it were some sort of offering to a lesser god. I watched from the shadows of the hallway, my tail a slow, metronomic whip of disapproval. This was an interloper. A silent, smiling sentinel heralding a future I was certain would involve more high-pitched noises and less uninterrupted slumber. That night, under the sliver of moonlight filtering through the blinds, I began my reconnaissance. I leaped onto the chair, a ghost in a gray tuxedo, and approached the subject. It lay there, limp and pathetic in its frilly dress. I sniffed its embroidered face. It smelled of the factory, of plastic and ennui. I extended a single, perfect claw and gently hooked the fabric of its little hat. I pulled. It offered no resistance. I batted one of its soft limbs. It flopped back, useless. This was no warrior. This was no rival. This was... stuffing. My initial contempt began to curdle into a strange sort of pity. This doll couldn't hunt, it couldn't groom, it couldn't even stare blankly at a wall with the profound dignity I mustered daily. Its entire existence was to be plush. I circled it, my mission shifting from neutralization to something more philosophical. What was the purpose of a creature so utterly passive? I laid my head upon its chest, expecting… well, I don't know what I expected. A heartbeat? A squeak? I got nothing but a quiet, pillowy softness. I stayed there for a long while, my purr a low rumble against its embroidered dress. I had not defeated an enemy; I had conquered a territory. The doll was profoundly stupid, utterly boring, and insultingly pink. However, it was also exceptionally soft and absorbed the vibrations of my purr in a most satisfactory manner. I closed my eyes. The human could have their impending noisy bundle. I had claimed my first spoil of war. This "dolly" was now my footstool, my pillow, my silent, squishy vassal. It would serve.
Image of GUND Baby My First Dolly, Plush Doll for Babies and Toddlers, Pink/White, 13” View Details