Pete's Expert Summary
So, my human has procured a small, silent homunculus. They call it a "Gotz Muffin," which sounds like a mediocre pastry, but this thing is apparently a high-end effigy for their smaller, louder counterparts. Its primary features are a soft, slightly weighted body filled with pellets—which *could* provide a satisfying heft for a proper thrashing—and unnervingly realistic "sleeping" eyes that open and close. The vinyl limbs and sculpted bald head give it an air of the uncanny valley that I find deeply unsettling. It comes dressed in an outfit that looks suspiciously comfortable, but its main purpose seems to be to lie there, silently judging me. Frankly, unless that pellet-filled torso offers a superior lounging experience, it's destined to be little more than a piece of odd-smelling, stationary decor, a complete waste of the sunbeam it will inevitably occupy.
Key Features
- Gotz Muffin 13" cloth/vinyl bald baby doll has beautiful blue open/close eyes. The soft fabric body is stuffed with fluffy synthetic wool and pellets, slightly weighted for a natural feel. Pliable vinyl limbs extend to mid-upper arm and mid-thigh.
- Muffin may be undressed, placed in a pillow case, and machine washed on gentle cycle in cold water. Doll clothing is also washable.
- Doll is dressed in a one piece pastel rose romper with matching bandana. She wears a pink knit cardigan and matching knitted booties. Additional clothing and accessories are available from the Gotz 12"-13" (30-33 cm) fashion collection.
- Muffin has "sculpted" hair for realistic newborn appearance. Mouth is slightly open to hold the included pacifier.
- Recommended for age 18 months and up. Gotz dolls are rigorously tested to meet or exceed European and US Federal safety standards for toys.
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The new thing arrived not with a bang, but with the crinkle of a box—a sound I typically endorse. I supervised the unpacking from my post atop the armchair, tail giving a slow, metronomic twitch of disapproval. From the cardboard shell, the human extracted a creature. It was small, limp, and bald, with a disturbing placidity. Its blue eyes stared into the middle distance, reflecting the lamp but seeing nothing. The human cooed and, with a thumb, pressed its eyelids shut, then let them spring open again. A cheap parlor trick. I was not amused. I descended from my throne for a closer inspection. The air around it smelled of clean vinyl and new fabric, an sterile scent that offends my sophisticated olfactory senses. I circled it once, twice. It lay on the rug, a pathetic offering in its little rose-colored romper and knitted cardigan. I extended a single, cautious claw and tapped its soft midsection. It yielded with a faint, granular shifting of the pellets within. It wasn't the satisfying crinkle of a cheap toy, but the dense, quiet weight of something... substantial. It didn't react. It simply absorbed the probe, its silence a challenge. The human, satisfied with my supposed interest, left the room. Alone, at last. The thing’s pacifier lay beside its head, a tiny, useless appendage. With a deft flick of my paw, I sent it skittering across the hardwood floor, where it disappeared under the credenza with a satisfying *clack*. A small victory. Then I turned my attention to the main objective. This interloper, this silent watcher, was an affront to my sovereignty. But violence felt… beneath me. Instead, I began the ritual of annexation. I rubbed my cheek glands firmly against its knitted booties, then its cardigan, then its ridiculously tiny bandana. I was overwriting its bland, factory scent with my own imperial musk. Finally, the deed was done. It was no longer a "Gotz Muffin." It was now a territory, a protectorate under my jurisdiction. I curled up against its weighted torso, nudging its pliable arm aside. The slight pressure was comforting, a solid warmth that anchored me to the floor. Its vacant blue eyes stared at the ceiling, but they were no longer a threat. They were simply part of the landscape of my newest, and surprisingly comfortable, pillow. The human would return and find this adorable. They would never understand it was a calculated act of conquest.
