A Tale from Pete the Cat

The thing arrived not with a bang, but with the rustle of a plastic bag. The human placed it on the rug with an expectant look, as if presenting a sacrificial offering. It was a rabbit, but not a real one. It smelled of the factory, of chemicals and sterility, not of grass and the delicious, frantic heartbeat of prey. It sat there, a pale, lifeless lump, its black plastic eyes staring into the middle distance, utterly devoid of soul. The human called it "Bun-Bun," a name so profoundly stupid it was an insult to language itself. For the rest of the day, I observed it from my post atop the bookcase, treating it as one might a suspicious piece of modern art: inscrutable, probably worthless, and best viewed from a safe distance. That evening, a peculiar quiet fell upon the house. The rhythmic snores of the human were the only sound. Under the slivers of moonlight cutting through the blinds, I descended to the floor for my nightly patrol. And there it was. The rabbit. It seemed... different in the dark. Softer. I approached with the silence befitting a predator of my stature, my gray tuxedo fur a shadow in the gloom. I circled it once, twice. No movement. No scent of fear. This was not a hunt; it was an interrogation. I extended a single, perfect paw and gave its ear a light tap. It flopped over, a gesture of such complete and utter surrender that it was almost poignant. I was about to dismiss it as a failure when I noticed the tag. "Melissa & Doug." I'd seen that name before, on the wooden blocks the tiny visiting human had once tried to stack before I, in a demonstration of superior architectural principles, knocked them over. This rabbit wasn't for me, not really. It was a cast-off, a hand-me-down from another species' childhood. The indignity of it! I pounced, not with predatory fury, but with the righteous indignation of a connoisseur given a cheap bottle of wine. I grabbed its torso, my claws sinking into the admittedly plush fabric, and prepared to teach it a lesson. But then, something strange happened. As I wrestled with the inert form, its softness was… comforting. Its weight was a pleasant anchor. Its floppy limbs offered no resistance, making it a perfect sparring partner for a solo practitioner of the feline martial arts. After a vigorous session of simulated battle, I found myself tired. I released the vanquished foe and, instead of stalking away in triumph, I simply… stayed. I laid my head upon its flank. It wasn't prey. It wasn't a playmate. It was, I grudgingly admitted, the finest pillow in the entire territory. A silent, profoundly comfortable confidant who would never tell the human I had briefly, just for a moment, kneaded its plush stomach before drifting off to sleep. It would keep my secret.