A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Lock Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Mezelon
The Silent Enforcer Earns a Slow Blink
★★☆☆☆
LEFELWEL
Unwitting Ally in the War on Morning Disruptions
★★☆☆☆
Kryptonite
Salmon Held Hostage by a Double Deadbolt
★★☆☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: furein
The Chain Is Dreadful but the Bag Is Mine
Our critic dismisses a rubber-coated metal chain as unplayable, then promptly colonises the included storage bag as a pressure-resistant fortress of solitude.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

So, my Human has brought home yet another piece of baffling equipment for their terrifying outdoor wheeled contraption. It appears to be a heavy, rubber-coated metal chain and a curious black pouch. They call it a "scooter lock." From what I can gather through their incessant cooing about "security" and "anti-theft," this is designed to keep their metal bea…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Scooter Lock,Electric Scooter Locks Anti Theft,Electric Scooter Lock with Silicone Scratch Protection,Including One Portable 3L Storage Bag
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★☆☆☆
Terrible toy; acceptable portable napping pod.
From The Desk
Image of Kryptonite New York FAHGETTABOUDIT 1410 Bike Chain Lock, 3.28 Feet Long 14mm Steel Chain Heavy Duty Anti-Theft Bicycle Chain Lock with Keys, 10/10 Security Rating for E-Bike, Motorcycle, Scooter
Kryptonite
All That Drama for a Bicycle Wheel

My human, in their infinite and often baffling wisdom, has procured what appears to be an anchor for a small battleship. They call it a "bike lock," but at over fifteen pounds of …

★☆☆☆☆ — My imagination, imprisoned. Zero play value.
More From The Desk
Image of Kryptonite New York FAHGETTABOUDIT 1415 Bike Chain Lock, 3.25 Feet Long 14mm Steel Chain 15 Pounds Heavy Duty Anti-Theft Bicycle Lock with Keys, 10/10 Security Rating for E-Bike E-Scooter Motorcycle
Kryptonite
Fifteen Pounds of Absolute, Infuriating Commitment

My human has dragged in what appears to be a section of anchor chain from a battleship, thinly disguised in a nylon sleeve. They call it a "bike lock…

★★☆☆☆
Image of Kryptonite New York 1210 Bike Chain Lock, 3.25 Feet Long Heavy Duty Anti-Theft Sold Secure Gold Bicycle Chain Lock with Evolution Disc Lock and Keys for Ultimate Security E-Bike, Motorcycle, Scooter
Kryptonite
Eight Pounds of Disdain Earns Grudging Respect

My human has, in a stunning display of poor judgment, brought home what appears to be a metallic serpent skeleton wrapped in a coarse, black sheath. …

★★☆☆☆
Image of JAGASOL Electric Scooter Lock, Heavy Duty Anti Theft Chain Lock with Key, Accessories for Bike, E-Bike, Bicycle, Motorcycle, Scooter, Made of Zinc Alloy, Anti-Shear, Anti-Rust, 36 x 4.6 Inch, Black
JAGASOL
Guilty of Terminal Boredom, Court Dismissed

My Human has presented me with what appears to be a ridiculously heavy metal snake wrapped in a coarse, unappealing fabric. They call it a "JAGASOL L…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of ABUS U-Lock Granit XPlus 540, Bike Lock with XPlus Cylinder, High Protection Against Theft, ABUS Security Level 15, Black/Grey, 23 cm
ABUS
Ten Minutes of Telepathy, One Slow Blink

My human has presented me with what appears to be a heavy, cold, and profoundly boring metal shackle. They call it an ABUS U-Lock, a name that sounds…

★★☆☆☆
Image of Buggygear Stroller Lock - Anti-Theft Retractable Combination Chain Cable Locks, Thin, Lightweight Safety Padlock for Essentials & Accessories - Strollers, Buggies, Skis, Bikes & Bicycles
The Zippy Wire Redeems a Plastic Nobody

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented me with this peculiar plastic object. They call it a "Buggygear Stroller Lock,"…

★★★☆☆
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