A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Rattle Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Manhattan Toy
This Chaotic Plastic Blob Is Actually an Oracle
★★★★☆
Bright Starts
Pink Abomination Survives Pete's Physics Tribunal
★★★☆☆
Baby Einstein
One Cold Octopus, One Very Addicted Scientist
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Infinno
Classified Intel Recovered From the Infant's Ankle
Pete executes Operation Garden Bug with surgical precision, liberating the bee-shaped tracking device from the small human's foot and filing it as a legitimate field trophy.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My Human has procured a set of what can only be described as wearable noisemakers for its newest, smallest, and most bafflingly helpless offspring. Marketed by a brand called "Infinno," these are essentially four soft, brightly colored cuffs—two for the wrists, two for the ankles—each adorned with a plush, vaguely insect-like creature. Their stated purpose …

Continued on the story page →
Image of Infinno Baby Wrist Rattle Socks and Foot Finder Set, Perfect Baby Toys for 0-12 Months Newborn Boys and Girls As Shower Gifts, Garden Bug Series
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Mission accomplished. Trophy secured.
From The Desk
Image of Fisher-Price Newborn Toys Rattle ‘n Rock Maracas, 2 Soft Musical Instruments for Developmental Play Babies Ages 3+ Months, Pink & Purple
Fisher-Price
In Paws of a Virtuoso, Noise Becomes Art

My Human seems to have confused me with a less-developed life form. These objects, presented with far too much enthusiasm, are from Fisher-Price, a purveyor of rudimentary amuseme…

★★★★☆ — Worthy of a maestro's encore.
More From The Desk
Image of Itzy Ritzy Mini Maracas Musical Rattle Toy – Sensory Baby Toy with Rattle Beads & Jingle Ball for Motor Skills & Auditory Development – for Ages 0 Months and Up (Mushroom)
Itzy Ritzy
Two Mushroom Oracles Correctly Predict Treat Time

My human has presented me with what appears to be a pair of fungal growths, apparently designed by a company named "Itzy Ritzy" – a name that does no…

★★★★☆
Image of Itzy Ritzy Bear Rattle
Itzy Ritzy
Bear Rattle Extracted From Crib, Reclassified as Trophy

My human seems to have acquired this object, this "Itzy Ritzy Bear Rattle," under the mistaken impression that it is for the tiny, loud human they al…

★★★☆☆
Image of SmartNoggin NogginStik Light-up Developmental Rattle - Color Changing, Textured for Grasping, Mirror & Rattle Sound - Sensory Toy for Babies, Ages 0-12 Months
SmartNoggin
Pete Controls the Silent Disco, Approves the Results

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume is profound confusion, has acquired this silly-looking scepter. It is presented as a "developmental tool…

★★★★☆
Image of Sassy My First Rattles Newborn Gift Set with 3 Soft and Flexible Rattles, Ages 0+ Months
Sassy
Three Garish Rattles, One Unresolved Philosophy Problem

My human seems to have acquired a set of garish plastic implements for the small, loud creature they insist on keeping. This "Sassy" brand has provid…

★★★☆☆
Image of Bright Starts Little Shakers 6pc Gift Set, Easy-Grasp Oball Technology, Baby Rattles, Balls and Teethers, On-The-Go Toys, Lightweight, Unisex, Newborn+
Erratic Rattle Sphere Triggers Hunt Without My Consent

My human, bless their simple, opposable-thumbed heart, has presented me with what they seem to think is a suitable offering. It appears to be a colle…

★★★☆☆
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