A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Activity Toy Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
ZaxiDeel
Squishy Bead Pad Doubles as a Feline Scrying Pool
★★★☆☆
Battat
Farm Cube's Bead Maze Revealed as a Cosmic Abacus
★★★☆☆
TINTECUSA
Busy Board Repurposed as a Starship Communications Console
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: VTech
Ghost Wrangler Liberates Trapped Animal Spirits From Cube
Our critic presses buttons with surgical purpose to free a captive cow, dog, and bird from their plastic prison, retiring the emptied cube as a trophy to his paranormal heroism.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human has presented me with what appears to be a training device for their own clumsy, furless kittens. It's a garish purple cube from VTech, a brand known for its noisy plastic contraptions. It boasts five sides of buttons, spinners, and other things clearly designed to be batted. While the promise of 25 "playful songs" makes my ears want to fold inside…

Continued on the story page →
Image of VTech Busy Learners Activity Cube, Purple
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
An empty trophy to my ghost-wrangling genius.
From The Desk
Image of Playskool Sit ‘n Spin Classic Spinning Activity Toy for Toddlers Ages Over 18 Months (Amazon Exclusive)
Playskool
Abandoned Toddler Throne Becomes a Private Observatory

My human seems to believe my opinion is required on this... contraption. It appears to be a brightly colored, low-to-the-ground spinning device intended for their small, unsteady …

★★★☆☆ — Not a spinner — a cosmic observatory.
More From The Desk
Image of VTech Sit-to-Stand Learning Walker (Frustration Free Packaging)
VTech
Mobile Chaos Engine Earns Its Keep as Infant Decoy

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has procured a device from a brand known as "VTech," an entity I associate with the beeping a…

★★☆☆☆
Image of oathx Activity Table for 1+ Year Old, 6 in 1 Wooden Montessori Activity Center Play Table with Bead Maze Shape Sorter Fishing Game, Kids Sensory Educational Toddler Learning Toys 1st Birthday Gifts
oathx
Wooden Vault Yields Superior Carrot-Shaped Projectiles

My human seems to be under the impression that I am some sort of consultant for infantile amusements. They have presented this... wooden table, a con…

★★★☆☆
Image of Crayola Color Wonder Magic Light Brush, Mess Free Painting Station for Kids, Gift for Kids, Toddler Toys & Activities, Ages 3, 4, 5
Crayola
Luminous Brush Redeems a Mess-Free Abomination

My human seems to think this "Crayola Color Wonder" contraption is some kind of marvel. From what I can gather, it's a painting set for the smaller, …

★★★☆☆
Image of Yetonamr Montessori Toys for 1 2 3 Years Old Boys Girls Birthday Gifts, Wooden Sensory Toys for Ages 2-4 Kids Baby, Toddler Learning Toy Activities Puzzles Ages 1-3
Yetonamr
Cylinders Only, Please: Feline Billiards Is Invented

So, my Human has presented me with what they call a "Montessori Toy." Apparently, this is a sophisticated term for a plank of wood with some pegs and…

★★★☆☆
Image of Batlofty Wooden Activity Cube, 8-in-1 Montessori Toys for 1+ Year Old Boys & Girls, Educational Learning Toys for Toddlers Age 1-2, 1st Birthday Gift with Word Cards | Bonus Sorting & Stacking Board
Wooden Cube Reclassified as Superior Ammunition Storage

It appears the Human has acquired a large, rather garish wooden cube, ostensibly for some tiny human's "enrichment." From my superior vantage point o…

★★★★☆
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