A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Crayola Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Crayola
Gravity Tests Proceed Flawlessly: One Down, Thirty-Five to Go
★★★☆☆
Crayola
Click-Click-Click: A Fidget Symphony for Refined Sensibilities
★★★★☆
Crayola
Pete Quells a 576-Crayon Insurgency One Soldier at a Time
★★★☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Crayola
Red Salsa Marker Earns Its Keep as a Bunny-Kick Sparring Partner
Our critic finds the abandoned marker's chaotic hardwood trajectory far superior to its stated use, awarding high marks for playability while condemning the washability as a tragic alibi.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human seems to have acquired a set of "Crayola Ultra-Clean Washable Markers." From my vantage point on the dining room chair, they appear to be twelve plastic tubes filled with offensively bright liquids, intended for the small human's crude scribblings. The key feature seems to be their "washability," a clear admission of their potential for creating ca…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Crayola Ultra-Clean Washable Markers, 12 Count
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Superior playability. Washability is irrelevant.
From The Desk
Image of Crayola Twistables Colored Pencil Set for Kids (50ct), No Sharpen Coloring Book Pencils, Essential Classroom Supplies, Cute Back to School Gifts for Kids, 4+
Crayola
Teal Secret Agent Defects to My Private Collection

My human has acquired a box of 50 colorful plastic sticks from a brand called Crayola, apparently for the benefit of the smaller, noisier human. They call them "Twistables Colored…

★★★☆☆ — Soulless but worthy additions to my arsenal.
More From The Desk
Image of Crayola Color Wonder Magic Light Brush, Mess Free Painting Station for Kids, Gift for Kids, Toddler Toys & Activities, Ages 3, 4, 5
Crayola
The Brush Glows, the Colors Vanish, the Wonder Is a Fraud

My human has procured another plastic doodad from Crayola, ostensibly to entertain the Small Human, her loud and unpredictable offspring. This one is…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of Crayola Super Tips Marker Set for Kids (100ct), Broad Tip & Fine Point Washable Art Markers for Kids, Bulk School Supplies, Teacher Classroom Must Haves, Drawing Supplies
Crayola
One Hundred Souls Freed: The Electric Lime Cap Leads the Harvest

Ah, Crayola. The purveyor of tools for the small human's chaotic scribblings. My human has presented me with a box containing a veritable legion of o…

★★★★☆
Image of Crayola Ultra Clean Washable Markers for School (40ct), Essential Back to School Supplies for Kids, Coloring Book Marker Set, Teacher Classroom Supplies
Crayola
Prussian Blue Operative Leaves No Mark and Earns No Respect

Ah, another offering from the Tall One, clearly intended for the Small Human whose primary function is to drop food and occasionally provide a clumsy…

★★☆☆☆
Image of Crayola Clicks Retractable Tip Marker Set for Kids (10ct), Markers For School, Long Lasting Coloring Book Supplies, No Dry, Back to School Essentials, 3+
Crayola
The Click Alone Justifies This Capless Abomination's Existence

My Staff has presented me with a collection of plastic cylinders from a brand called "Crayola," which I understand is a purveyor of tools for the sma…

★★★☆☆
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