My human has procured a garish plastic reptile from the notorious Fisher-Price, a purveyor of loud and rudimentary amusements for the smaller, less sophisticated members of this household. Its supposed purpose is to teach the tiny human about numbers using a collection of blocks, which are then "magically" added up when its head is pressed. Frankly, the educational aspect is a complete bore. However, my discerning eye notes two features of potential merit: the ten small, lightweight blocks are of a supreme size and shape for batting across the hardwood floors and losing under the sofa, and the mechanical head-bobbing action might provide a moment's distraction from an otherwise tedious afternoon. The illustrated fish on the blocks are a cruel mockery of the real thing, but I suppose I can't have everything.
It arrived in a box far more interesting than its contents, a vessel I claimed immediately. But once the humans extracted the creature, a grinning emerald monstrosity, my interest soured. They called it the "Adding Alligator," a name as clumsy as the tiny human it was intended for. I watched from my perch on the armchair as the large human showed the small one how to pile the colorful blocks onto its back. Stack, stack, stack. Then, a press of the head, a dull *click*, and a little wheel turned in a slot on its side, revealing a number. The humans seemed thrilled by this pedestrian parlor trick. I yawned and showed them my back.
Later, under the silver glow of moonlight, I descended to investigate the silent reptile. The blocks were scattered, as is their fate. I nudged one with my nose. It had a "3" on it and a crude drawing of three fish. An insult to both mathematics and art. I ignored it and batted another, a "5," skittering it into the dark recesses under the television stand. A worthy tribute to the void. But the alligator itself remained, stoic and smug. I pawed at its head. Nothing. It was a partnership, it seemed. The beast would not perform its trick without the tribute of blocks.
This presented a challenge, a riddle of physics and will. I, a being of supreme grace, could not stack. But I could push. I nudged and shoved, knocking a block with a "2" and another with a "1" into the stacking groove by sheer, determined clumsiness. They sat askew, a chaotic little tower. This, I decided, was a sufficient offering. I stood on my hind legs, placed a soft but firm paw on the alligator’s head, and pushed. *Click.* The wheel turned. The number "3" appeared. A flicker of understanding sparked in my magnificent brain. This wasn't a toy. It was a machine of consequence. An engine of cause and effect.
I have decided the Alligator may stay. It is not a plaything for me, not in the traditional sense. It is a puzzle box, a silent collaborator in the grand experiment of gravity and momentum. My game is not with the blocks themselves, but with the machine. Can I arrange them? Can I activate the mechanism? The numbers it reveals are irrelevant scribbles, but the act of solving its physical requirements is a brief, satisfying diversion. It has earned its floor space as a monument to my superior problem-solving skills, a silent green witness to the fact that even the simplest human contraptions are, ultimately, just toys for a clever cat.
Exhibit A — the specimen
The Particulars
—Alligator-themed preschool educational toy uses numbered stacking blocks to introduce counting, early math concepts, size & sequencing
—Double-sided blocks feature numbers along with fish or dots on each side to help kids count
—It all adds up! Stack the blocks up, then lower the alligator’s head to see the sum of the numbers revealed in the side slot
—Includes 10 stacking blocks that store in the alligator’s base
—This toy helps foster dexterity while encouraging a sense of independence for preschool kids ages 3 years and older
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
A machine of consequence. Stays.
Classified
Acquire This Trinket
Should you insist. Pete is unbothered either way.
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Filed under: Fisher-Price