Pete's Expert Summary
My human has presented me with what appear to be two plush orbs masquerading as famous puppets: one a rather anxious-looking green frog, the other a pig who seems entirely too pleased with herself. They are from a brand called "Squishmallows," which I can only assume is a human word for "thing you squeeze for no discernible reason." Their primary appeal is supposedly their extreme softness, a quality I, with my impeccably soft gray tuxedo coat, can certainly appreciate. While the polyester material might provide a superior surface for kneading before a nap, the utter lack of catnip, crinkle material, or dangling strings suggests they may ultimately be nothing more than brightly colored, silent obstacles on the path to my food bowl.
Key Features
- Squeeze, cuddle, repeat! Squishmallows are the softest, cutest plush toys around!
- Your new cuddle buddy awaits! Meet Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy from The Muppets! Squishmallows have a style and personality all their own, encouraging fun and imaginative play!
- Snuggle up with the squishiest friend in town! These super soft, collectible plush toys make great cuddle companions! The squishy plush is perfect to bring on long car rides, airplanes or to sleepovers!
- Give the gift of endless snuggles! Perfect for boys and girls of all ages! Makes a great gift for kids who love stuffed animals! A perfect gift for Christmas, holidays, Easter, birthday party and more!
- Officially licensed Squishmallows merchandise. Polyester. Measures approximately 8 inches. Set of 2
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The two newcomers arrived not in a box, but in a clear, crinkly bag that made a far more interesting sound than the occupants themselves. My human ceremoniously placed them on the living room rug, a stage for so many of my past triumphs. They called it a "premiere." I, of course, remained aloof on my velvet ottoman, observing the scene like a seasoned theatre critic. On the stage sat the players: a green, bulbous-eyed ingénue and a haughty-looking swine in a garish purple dress. They were utterly still, their stitched smiles frozen in a silent, two-act play of pointless cheerfulness. My curiosity, a professional obligation, eventually compelled me to descend from my perch. I circled them first, my tail giving a slow, judgmental sweep. A preliminary sniff test revealed a disappointing lack of anything interesting—no lingering scent of bird, mouse, or even the factory they came from. They were sterile, inert. I extended a single, perfect white paw and tentatively pressed it into the frog's face. The surface yielded with a slow, luxurious compression, a silent sigh of fabric and stuffing. It was... surprisingly satisfying. The rebound was slow, deliberate. This wasn't the cheap, bouncy fluff I was accustomed to; this had substance. Emboldened, I selected the pig for a more rigorous audition. A quick one-two jab with my front paws sent her tumbling onto her side. She offered no resistance, her vacant expression unchanged even when upside down. Pathetic. The frog, however, seemed to mock me with his wide-eyed placidity. I decided to employ a more dramatic technique: the full-body grapple-and-disembowel. I launched myself, wrapping my front legs around his soft, round body and unleashing a torrent of furious bunny-kicks with my powerful hind legs. He absorbed every blow, his squishy form a perfect cushion, the polyester fabric smooth against my claws, never snagging. He was a formidable, if silent, wrestling partner. After a thorough workout, I disengaged, retreating a few feet to groom a single tuft of fur that had been displaced. The performance was over. My verdict was in. The pig is a mere prop, suitable only as a chin rest or perhaps a stationary obstacle to be navigated with disdain. The frog, however, has potential. He is a sturdy, well-constructed understudy for my more aggressive moments, a durable canvas for my art. While the pair lacks the improvisational thrill of a laser dot, they are not entirely without merit. They may remain in my kingdom, for now, as members of the silent ensemble.
