A photo of Pete the cat

Pete's Toy Box: Star Wars

Funko Pop Star Wars: Star Wars New Classics - Darth Vader - Collectable Vinyl Figure - Gift Idea - Official Merchandise - Toys for Kids & Adults - Sci-Fi Fans - Model Figure for Collectors

By: Funko

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has brought another piece of plastic into my domain. From what I can gather, this "Funko Pop!" is a small, motionless effigy of some wheezing villain from their space opera. It is, by their own admission, an object for a "desk/bedroom shelf," meaning its primary function is to gather dust and occupy a potentially excellent sunbeam spot. Its vinyl construction means it lacks any satisfying texture for chewing, and its static pose offers none of the thrill of a pounce or the joy of a chase. While its oversized head might make it a tempting target for a gravity check off the edge of the bookshelf, I suspect its overall playability is less than that of a discarded bottle cap. A profound waste of my time, unless it proves to be satisfyingly loud when it hits the hardwood floor.

Key Features

  • Celebrate the most stellar fandom of all with Pop! Darth Vader
  • This Sith lord will do whatever it takes to retrieve the stolen Death Star plans and uncover the location of the rebel base; Now, his search has brought him to your Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope collection, so hide your rebel forces!
  • WHO ARE FUNKO: Funko is a leading pop culture lifestyle brand; We provide connection to pop culture with a product line that includes vinyl figures, action toys, plush, apparel, board games and accessories
  • Keep or collect on desk/bedroom shelf or car

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The ceremony was, as usual, absurdly overwrought. My human, whom I shall refer to as The Curator for the purposes of this narrative, gently unpacked the cardboard shrine to reveal the object. It was placed on the mantelpiece, a space normally reserved for tasteful framed photographs of a much younger, less-interesting version of me. He called it "Darth Vader," but I saw it only as The Impostor King. It stood there, a squat parody of menace with a head too large for its body, its black, glossy surface reflecting a distorted image of my own superior, fluffy form. I did not grace it with immediate attention. That would be a sign of weakness. Instead, I conducted a leisurely grooming session on the far side of the room, letting the silence and my deliberate indifference assert my authority over the space. The Impostor King remained still, its silence a cheap imitation of my own regal quietude. It did not blink. It did not twitch a whisker. It was an amateur, and I would expose it. After a sufficient display of nonchalance, I made my approach. I leaped onto the mantel with a silence that the figure, in all its plastic rigidity, could never hope to achieve. I circled it, my tail held high like a question mark of judgment. I sniffed its base. Nothing. A sterile, factory smell. No history, no life, no hint of a mouse recently held. I leaned in, my nose nearly touching its vacant, painted-on eye lenses. I stared into the abyss, and the abyss, being cheap vinyl, stared back with utter banality. There was no soul to challenge, no spirit to dominate. My verdict was swift and merciless. As a rival, it was a failure. As a decoration, it was gaudy. As a toy, it was an insult. I extended a single, perfect gray claw and gave its bulbous head a gentle *tap*. It wobbled precariously, a tiny, silent testament to its own instability. I did not push it over. Not yet. That is a pleasure to be savored. For now, it was enough to know that its reign on the mantel—and its very existence in my kingdom—was entirely at my discretion. It could stay, for now, as a monument to my infinite mercy.
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LEGO Star Wars Millennium Falcon A New Hope 25th Anniversary Collectable Model - DIY Building Sets for Adults, Men & Women, Ages 18+ - Comes with Display Stand - Star Wars Gift - 75375

By: LEGO

Pete's Expert Summary

My Human has acquired a box of 921 small, gray plastic irritants from the LEGO corporation. The stated purpose is for an "adult" to "relax in a mindful way" by clicking them all together into a static model of some flying vessel from one of his noisy space films. From my perspective, this is a monumental waste of time that could be better spent administering chin scratches or opening cans of tuna. The only redeeming qualities are the sheer number of tiny, bat-able pieces, which hold immense potential for skittering under the heaviest furniture, and the glorious cardboard box it came in, which makes for a respectable, if temporary, fortress of solitude. The finished product, a "Millennium Falcon" destined for a shelf, is an insult to the very concept of a toy and will serve only to gather dust that I will later refuse to be blamed for.

Key Features

  • Star Wars Collectible Millennium Falcon build-and-display model – Spark memories of classic scenes as you build a mid-scale LEGO brick recreation of the most iconic starship in the Star Wars universe
  • Authentically detailed Star Wars vehicle – Recreate iconic features of the Millennium Falcon, as seen in Star Wars: A New Hope, in LEGO style, including the cockpit, satellite dish and cannons
  • Made for display – The buildable stand has a nameplate and LEGO Star Wars 25th Anniversary brick, it's also designed to display the Millennium Falcon at a dynamic angle for a perfect home décor centerpiece
  • Part of the LEGO Star Wars Starship Collection – This set is part of a collectible series featuring mid-scale buildable models of iconic Star Wars starships
  • Gift for Star Wars fans and memorabilia collectors – Treat yourself or give this 921-piece adults’ LEGO building set as a birthday gift to a friend with a passion for Star Wars
  • From a galaxy far, far away to your home – Collectible LEGO Star Wars sets for adults are designed for people like you who enjoy immersive creative building projects to relax in a mindful way
  • Build and display – This LEGO Star Wars Millennium Falcon starship measures over 5 in. (13 cm) high, 9.5 in. (24 cm) long and 7.5 in. (19 cm) wide

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The sound was a plastic cascade, a thousand tiny clicks and clatters as the Human emptied the bags onto the great wooden plain he calls a dining table. He called it "sorting." I called it an invitation. He hunched over the colorful scrolls of pictorial edicts, his brow furrowed in a ridiculous display of concentration. For hours, he toiled, assembling gray shard upon gray shard. I observed from my perch on a nearby chair, offering the occasional sigh of profound disappointment to remind him of his neglected duties. At one point, a crucial-looking piece with an antenna rolled near the edge. I extended a single, perfect white paw and, with the surgical precision of a master, hooked it and sent it skittering into the dark abyss beneath the sideboard. His subsequent panicked search was far more entertaining than the construction itself. As the days passed, the object took shape. It was a clumsy, flattened saucer, all angles and protrusions. The Human would hold up a sub-assembly, beaming with a pride I typically reserve for a particularly well-executed nap. "Look, Pete! The cockpit!" he'd say, pointing to a clear plastic nub. I sniffed it disdainfully. It smelled of nothing. No warmth, no life, just sterile plastic. He attached the cannons, which I tested with a gentle pat. Flimsy. The satellite dish was an obvious weak point. This was not a starship; it was a testament to shoddy engineering. Finally, the moment of completion arrived. He attached the last piece, affixed the nameplate, and placed the entire sad affair on its special stand, which tilted it at what he called a "dynamic angle." I call it "precariously." He stood back, hands on hips, admiring his monument to mediocrity. It sat on the mantelpiece, a gray intruder in my sunbeam. It did not move. It did not purr. It did not offer tribute. It simply existed, a challenge to the natural order of the house, where all things are either comfortable, edible, or playable. I leaped silently onto the mantel. The Human watched, a nervous tremor in his voice. "Be careful, Pete." I ignored him, as is my prerogative. I circled the Falcon, my soft gray fur a stark contrast to its hard, molded shell. I gave the satellite dish a delicate, experimental *thwack*. It wobbled. The entire structure trembled on its stand. The Human gasped. In that moment, I understood its true purpose. It was not a toy for him to build, but a toy for me to un-build. Its "playability" was not in its features, but in its glorious, inevitable, 921-piece descent. A worthy adversary, indeed. The gravity trials would commence at dawn.
Image of LEGO Star Wars Millennium Falcon A New Hope 25th Anniversary Collectable Model - DIY Building Sets for Adults, Men & Women, Ages 18+ - Comes with Display Stand - Star Wars Gift - 75375 View Details

LEGO Star Wars OBI-Wan Kenobi's Jedi Starfighter 75333 Building Toy Set - Features Minifigures, Lightsaber, Clone Starship from Attack of The Clones, Great Gift for Kids, Boys, and Girls Ages 7+

By: LEGO

Pete's Expert Summary

My Human seems to have acquired a box of tiny, sharp-edged plastic bits. According to the loud pronouncements he made to the empty room, these are "LEGOs" and will eventually assemble into a "Jedi Starfighter" from one of his noisy space operas. For him, this is clearly a tedious exercise in following picture-based instructions. For me, it presents a strategic opportunity. The collection of minuscule components, especially the little figures, holds immense potential for being batted into the dark voids beneath furniture, a pastime I find endlessly rewarding. The final product, a hard, pointy ship, will likely just be another dust-collecting obstacle on a shelf, but the "stud shooters" have piqued my interest. If I can procure the ammunition, the dog is in for a very surprising afternoon.

Key Features

  • Jump Into Action - With this brick-built model of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Jedi Starfighter (75333), fans can relive epic Star Wars: Attack of the Clones scenes as they build and play with this LEGO Star Wars Starfighter
  • Debut Minifigure - Expand your LEGO collection with Obi-Wan Kenobi and his signature lightsaber. For the first time ever, including Taun We from Attack of the Clones, plus an R4-P17 LEGO astromech droid figure.
  • Ultimate Starfighter Set - Features an opening minifigure cockpit, 2 stud shooters, retractable landing gear, lightsaber storage clips and an attachment point on the wing for R4-P17’s head
  • Play and Display – The brick-built Star Wars starfighter measures over 2.5 in. (7 cm) high, 10 in. (25 cm) long and 5 in. (13 cm) wide and can be displayed between playtime adventures
  • Perfect Gift – Give this 282-piece building toy as a birthday present or holiday gift to Star Wars: Attack of the Clones fans and LEGO Star Wars collectors ages 7+

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The ritual began with the ceremonial tearing of cardboard. My Human, a clumsy acolyte if ever there was one, spilled the plastic entrails across the living room rug. I descended from my napping perch on the velvet armchair to oversee the proceedings, my gray fur immaculate against the chaos. He wasn't building a toy; he was constructing a tribute, a shrine. Every click of a brick was a prayer, every glance at the sacred picture-manual a sign of his devotion to a higher power—which is, of course, me. From the plastic mess, emissaries began to form. First, a stoic little man in brown robes, his face a mask of placid confidence that I found immediately offensive. A challenger to my authority. I extended a single, perfect claw and gave his plastic head a gentle tap, a warning he would do well to heed. Then came the tall, willowy figure, whose name my Human muttered as "Taun We." Irrelevant. But the third... the third was a small, domed head, an astromech droid. It was detached, separate, an offering awaiting its fate. This one, this R4-P17, had potential. Hours passed. The sun shifted, illuminating the slow, methodical construction of the altar. It was angular and sleek, in shades of gray that complemented my own fur, with aggressive dashes of dark red. My Human called it Obi-Wan's ship. I called it my new vantage point. With a final, satisfying click, he sealed the Rival Shaman inside the cockpit—a fitting prison. The little droid's head was affixed to the wing, a permanent, watchful sentinel. My new disciple was bound to the monument. The Human placed his creation on the low bookshelf, a place of honor directly in a patch of afternoon sun. I leaped up silently to deliver my final judgment. The ship was not for swatting; it was too substantial, too deliberate. It was a statement. I circled it, my tail giving the retractable landing gear a soft, proprietary brush. The Rival Shaman was contained, the Droid Disciple was in place, and the structure itself cast a rather handsome shadow. This was not a toy to be played with. It was an idol, a testament to my Human's desperate need for my approval. The offering was acceptable. I settled into the sunbeam beside it, closed my eyes, and began my purr. The shrine was consecrated.
Image of LEGO Star Wars OBI-Wan Kenobi's Jedi Starfighter 75333 Building Toy Set - Features Minifigures, Lightsaber, Clone Starship from Attack of The Clones, Great Gift for Kids, Boys, and Girls Ages 7+ View Details

LEGO Star Wars 501st Clone Troopers Battle Pack Toy Set, Buildable AV-7 Anti Vehicle Cannon, with 4 Clone Trooper Minifigures, Portable Travel Toy, Great Birthday Gift for Kids Ages 6 and Up, 75345

By: LEGO

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to have acquired yet another box of tiny, colorful plastic bits. They call it "LEGO," a brand I associate with hours of tedious clicking followed by the creation of a static object that is only interesting for the brief moment I can knock it off a shelf. This particular set appears to be a collection of four small, identical-looking soldiers and some sort of ground-based weapon. From my discerning viewpoint, the little figures are prime candidates for being batted under the heaviest furniture, but the true potential lies in the "spring-loaded shooter" on the larger contraption. A device engineered to launch a tiny projectile across the room? While the "building" part is an utter waste of my perfectly good napping schedule, a manually-operated, high-velocity bug-impersonator has... possibilities. It all depends on whether my staff is competent enough to operate it on my command.

Key Features

  • Build Your Squadron - With this Star Wars building toy, kids build the Clone Squadron with 4 minifigures and an AV-7 anti-vehicle cannon to recreate The Clone Wars scenes
  • Minifigure Battles - This LEGO Star Wars set includes 4 minifigures: an Officer, a Clone Specialist plus 2 Heavy Trooper minifigures, all with elements to design your very own scenes
  • Unique Battles - The mighty buildable AV-7 Anti-Vehicle Cannon with a minifigure seat features adjustable legs, a liftable cannon, and spring-loaded shooter for unique battle builds
  • Build with Ease - This buildable toy for kids 6+ years old offers an easy-to-follow guide and the LEGO Builder app, a digital version with interactive tools like zoom and rotation to enhance your play
  • Perfect Gift - This portable Star Wars travel toy makes a cool birthday or special occasion gift for boys, girls, and fans of Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars: The Bad Batch

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The Tall One was on the floor again, engaged in that ritual of focused clicking that produces such fragile monuments. I watched from my command post on the velvet armchair, tail twitching in mild irritation at the disturbance. He was assembling a small, gray artillery piece, surrounding it with four identical little troopers in white armor. A new tactical deployment, it seemed. I yawned, unimpressed. His armies were always so stationary, so lacking in the thrill of the chase. I closed my eyes, preparing to file the incident under "Pointless Human Endeavors." A sharp *thwip* noise cut through my impending slumber. My eyes snapped open. A flash of translucent blue had streaked across the living room, ricocheting off the leg of the coffee table with a satisfying *skitter*. My predator brain, usually dormant under layers of pampered ennui, flared to life. What was that? A new species of jewel beetle? A rogue sunbeam given solid form? My gaze darted back to the human and his new contraption. He was grinning, reloading the strange blue object into the cannon's barrel. He had their attention, and now he had mine. I descended from my perch with the fluid grace of a shadow, landing silently on the rug. I approached the theater of operations with caution, my body low to the ground. The little white soldiers stood guard, oblivious. The human, now designated my "Gunner," aimed the weapon. *Thwip!* The blue projectile launched again, this time zipping past my ear and disappearing behind the drapes. The hunt was on. I ignored the Gunner's cooing and the pathetic plastic soldiers, which I summarily knocked over as I passed. They were merely collateral damage in this far more important mission. I dove into the drapes, my paws expertly searching the fabric folds. After a vigorous battle, I emerged victorious, the little blue stud secured firmly under one paw. I looked up at my Gunner, who was already reloading the cannon. A slow blink was my signal: *Again*. He understood. This little plastic weapon system, this "Battle Pack," was not for him or his imaginary wars. It was a sophisticated, high-tech prey launcher, and I, Pete, was its sole, intended operator. It was, I had to admit, a worthy addition to my arsenal.
Image of LEGO Star Wars 501st Clone Troopers Battle Pack Toy Set, Buildable AV-7 Anti Vehicle Cannon, with 4 Clone Trooper Minifigures, Portable Travel Toy, Great Birthday Gift for Kids Ages 6 and Up, 75345 View Details

Funko Pop Star Wars: Sayings - Vader and Luke & Luke 2PK - Star Wars - Collectable Vinyl Figure - Gift Idea - Official Merchandise - Toys for Kids & Adults - Fantasy Fans

By: Funko

Pete's Expert Summary

So, my human has acquired what appears to be a set of three small, rigid effigies: one intimidating figure in black and two identical-looking youths in beige pajamas. They are, I'm told, 'collectible,' which is human-speak for 'do not touch with your murder mittens.' They possess no feathers, no catnip, no crinkly sounds, and have the distinct disadvantage of being completely stationary. My human even babbled something about dragons when describing these space-opera characters, which only confirms my suspicion that their brand-obsessed brain is short-circuiting. While their small stature makes them tempting candidates for a gravity experiment off the edge of the bookshelf, they are otherwise an utter waste of my valuable energy.

Key Features

  • IDEAL COLLECTIBLE SIZE - At approximately 3.75 inches (9.5 cm) tall, this vinyl mini figurine complements other collectable merchandise and fits perfectly in your display case or on your desk
  • PREMIUM VINYL MATERIAL - Made from quality, durable vinyl, this collectible is built to last and withstand daily wear, ensuring long-lasting enjoyment for fans and collectors alike
  • GIFT IDEA FOR HOUSE OF THE DRAGON FANS - Ideal for holidays, birthdays, or special occasions and as a present this figurine is a must-have addition to any House of the Dragon merchandise collection
  • EXPAND YOUR COLLECTION - Add this unique Vader and Luke vinyl display piece to your growing assortment of Funko Pop figures, and seek out other rare and exclusive collectible items for a complete set
  • LEADING POP CULTURE BRAND - Trust in the expertise of Funko, the premier creator of pop culture merchandise that includes vinyl figures, action toys, plush, apparel, board games, and more

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The ceremony was, as always, needlessly overwrought. The Giant Hand descended from the heavens, clutching a small box. From it, three figures were produced and placed upon the Altar of Dustables—the mantelpiece. The dark one, a monolith of polished shadow, stood opposite two smaller, paler figures. The afternoon sun slanted through the window, catching them in a way that cast long, dramatic shadows across the wall. I, of course, was observing from the plush throne of the armchair, feigning disinterest with a tactical yawn. More plastic clutter. How thrilling. But then, the world tilted. A cloud passed over the sun, and the shadows on the wall shifted, elongating and merging. They were no longer simple silhouettes but a tableau of fate. The dark one’s shadow reached out, a spear of darkness aimed not at the two youths, but past them, pointing directly at the Sacred Bowl of Crunchy Delights in the kitchen. The two smaller shadows seemed to recoil, their forms twisting until they pointed towards the forbidden realm of the Upstairs Bathroom, where the legendary Fountain of Dripping Water resides. This was no mere trinket. This was an omen. I leapt silently onto the mantel, my tuxedoed chest puffed with the gravity of the moment. These were not toys; they were cosmic pointers, an oracle sent to guide me. I nudged the base of the dark figure with my nose. It scraped slightly against the wood, a grating sound. The shadow-spear on the wall shifted, now aiming for the Can Opener of Infinite Promise. I nudged one of the pale figures. Its shadow-finger now indicated the location of the hidden bag of catnip treats. It was a map, a divine guide to the household’s greatest treasures, its meaning shifting with the sun and my own subtle manipulations. My initial cynicism evaporated, replaced by a profound respect. The human, in their bumbling, consumerist way, had accidentally brought a sacred artifact into my domain. It was not for batting or chewing. It was to be consulted, to be arranged and rearranged to reveal the whims of fortune. This... this had potential. I gave the dark figure a final, respectful look, its unblinking plastic eyes holding the secrets of the universe, or at least the secret to an extra dinner. The statues could stay. They had proven their worth not as playthings, but as instruments of power.
Image of Funko Pop Star Wars: Sayings - Vader and Luke & Luke 2PK - Star Wars - Collectable Vinyl Figure - Gift Idea - Official Merchandise - Toys for Kids & Adults - Fantasy Fans View Details

LEGO Star Wars: The Clone Wars Ahsoka's Jedi Interceptor Spaceship Building Toy - Kids Star Wars Toy for Boys and Girls, Ages 8+ - Gift Idea for Birthdays - 75401

By: LEGO

Pete's Expert Summary

My human seems to have acquired yet another box of those infuriatingly tiny plastic bricks from the "LEGO" corporation. This one assembles into a gray and dark red vessel they call a "Jedi Interceptor," which is apparently from their nonsensical "Star Wars" mythology. For me, the long, tedious process of its construction is a certifiable waste of a perfectly good sunbeam. However, the finished product, while a static dust-collector on a shelf, has some features that pique my interest. It comes with several small figures ripe for being "lost" under the furniture, and more importantly, it's equipped with "spring-loaded shooters." The potential for launching small, eminently chaseable projectiles across the living room floor elevates this from a mere human bauble to a device with at least a sliver of potential for a sophisticated creature such as myself.

Key Features

  • LEGO STAR WARS SET – Play out thrilling missions with this detailed brick-built model of Ahsoka’s Jedi Interceptor, as seen in Star Wars: The Clone Wars
  • 2 STAR WARS TOY MINIFIGURES – This buildable playset includes Ahsoka Tano and Anakin Skywalker, plus an R7-A7 LEGO droid figure
  • SPACESHIP TOY – The Jedi Interceptor has an opening cockpit for Ahsoka Tano, a space for R7-A7, adjustable wings, 2 spring-loaded shooters and storage for Ahsoka’s 2 Lightsabers
  • LIGHTSABER ACCESSORIES – Ahsoka Tano has 2 green Lightsabers and Anakin Skywalker has a blue Lightsaber for action play
  • STAR WARS GIFT FOR KIDS – This LEGO Star Wars buildable toy makes a fun gift for creative boys, girls and any young Star Wars: The Clone Wars fans ages 8 and up
  • DIMENSIONS – This LEGO Star Wars vehicle measures over 7.5 in. (19 cm) long

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The operation, which I codenamed "Nightfall Talon," began just after the house fell into its nightly silence. My target: the newly constructed LEGO starship, perched precariously on the edge of the human's desk like a sentry guarding a fortress. The Warden had spent the evening clicking the pieces together, her face a mask of concentration. I had watched from the arm of the sofa, feigning sleep, but my mind was a whirlwind of tactical calculations. I saw the two tiny guards she placed near it—a Togruta female and a moody-looking human male—and the little red studs loaded into the ship's cannons. Those studs were my prize. Under the sliver of moonlight filtering through the blinds, my gray tuxedo coat was perfect camouflage against the shadows of the living room. I moved with a liquid grace, a phantom of fur and purpose. The leap from the floor to the desk chair was silent, a single, fluid motion. From there, another bound put me on the desk itself, my paws making no sound on the wood surface. The two plastic guards stood unblinking, their tiny, painted-on eyes oblivious to the predator in their midst. Amateurs. I gave the moody one a soft pat with my paw, sending him tumbling into the abyss behind the desk. One down. My true focus was the ship itself. It was smaller than I'd anticipated, but sturdy. I nudged it with my nose, testing its balance. The wings wiggled slightly. I could have simply shoved the entire contraption to the floor for a satisfying clatter, but that was a brute's tactic. I was an agent of chaos, a connoisseur of subtle disruption. I located the trigger for the spring-loaded shooter, a small, unassuming lever on the wing. With the surgical precision of a seasoned hunter, I pressed it with the tip of one claw. *Thwip!* The tiny red projectile shot across the room, ricocheting off the leg of the coffee table with a faint *tink*. Mission accomplished. I hopped down from the desk, my work done. The second guard and the little droid could stand their pointless watch over a now-disarmed vessel. My prize awaited me in the darkness. I found the red stud near the hearth and, with a triumphant flick, sent it skittering across the hardwood floor. The ship was a passable delivery system, I'll grant it that. It had served its purpose by providing me with a superior toy. As I batted my liberated ammunition into the shadows, I knew the Warden would be mystified in the morning. And I, curled in a sunbeam, would be the picture of innocence.
Image of LEGO Star Wars: The Clone Wars Ahsoka's Jedi Interceptor Spaceship Building Toy - Kids Star Wars Toy for Boys and Girls, Ages 8+ - Gift Idea for Birthdays - 75401 View Details

Mattel Games UNO Star Wars Matching Card Game Featuring 112 Cards with Unique Wild Card & Instructions for Players 7 Years Old & Up, Gift for Kid, Family & Adult Game Night

By: Mattel Games

Pete's Expert Summary

So, you’ve brought home a collection of flimsy, colorful paper squares from a company called "Mattel." I see. They typically make loud plastic contraptions for the smaller, more chaotic humans, so this is a departure. These cards are covered in images from that glowing-rectangle story you like so much—the one with the noisy spaceships and the tall fellow with breathing problems. While the crinkle of the initial cellophane wrapper is always a premium experience, the cards themselves seem... limited. They are too light to provide a satisfying *thump* when knocked off a table, and too flat to be properly ambushed. Their only potential redeeming quality, from my perspective, is the small cardboard box they came in, which might offer a moment's confinement if I'm feeling generous. Otherwise, this "game" appears to be an activity that involves staring and pointing, a complete waste of perfectly good lap space.

Key Features

  • It's the classic UNO card game everyone loves, now pitting the forces of the Light Side and the Dark Side against each other! Perfect for Younglings and Master Jedi alike, ages 7 years and older
  • Each card is decorated with an iconic image from the Star Wars franchise, including classic characters from the original trilogy, the prequels and the sequels -a great collector's edition!
  • Just like in the classic UNO game, players match cards by color or number in a race to empty their hand
  • Includes an exclusive wild "The Force" card. Play it, choosing another player and a color. If that player has at least one card of that color, they are forced to draw 2 cards. If they don't, play just continues with the chosen color
  • UNO Star Wars makes a great gift for Star Wars fans of all ages

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The evening began with an unwelcome disturbance. My human, having finished her ritual of staring at the large glowing rectangle on the wall, produced a small, noisy box. From my command post on the velvet armchair, I watched with deep suspicion as she tore away the delightful, crinkly outer skin to reveal the prize within. It was not a fish-shaped treat. It was not a feather wand. It was a deck of stiff, glossy rectangles. A profound disappointment settled over me. She and the other human began laying them out on the low table in the center of the room, creating patterns and stacks. They called to each other, using strange words like "Draw Two" and "Skip." It was clear this was some sort of coded strategic planning, and I, as head of household security, could not allow it to proceed un-inspected. I made my approach with the silent grace befitting my station, a flowing shadow of gray and white. I leaped onto the table, landing squarely in the center of their "game." The protest was immediate but ignored. I surveyed the battlefield. Each card bore the face of a combatant: the sad-looking farm boy, the small green elder, the hairy beast they call "Chewbacca." It was a gallery of potential rivals. I sniffed at a card featuring the golden droid; it smelled faintly of ink and indignity. This would not stand. My authority had to be asserted. With a flick of my tail, I sent a "Wild" card scattering. The humans gasped. Emboldened, I selected my primary target: a small pile of cards they referred to as the "discard pile." It was a chaotic mess of colors and numbers, an affront to the elegant simplicity of my worldview. I placed a single, deliberate paw upon the pile. Then another. I began to knead, my claws extending just enough to puncture the top card, the one with the masked villain. A soft, rhythmic purr rumbled in my chest. This was the true purpose of the cards. They weren't for "playing," they were for calming a superior being. They eventually gave up, sweeping the perforated artifacts back into their box. I watched, victorious. They thought they were playing a game of "UNO," but I was playing a different game entirely—a game of dominance, comfort, and strategic napping. They spoke of a special card, "The Force," which could make others bend to your will. Amateurs. They needed a special card to do what I accomplish with a single, well-placed stare. The toy is, therefore, approved. Not for their reasons, of course, but for mine. It makes a surprisingly comfortable, if slightly lumpy, place to rest my chin.
Image of Mattel Games UNO Star Wars Matching Card Game Featuring 112 Cards with Unique Wild Card & Instructions for Players 7 Years Old & Up, Gift for Kid, Family & Adult Game Night View Details

STAR WARS The Black Series Darth Vader, Grand Admiral Thrawn, General Grievous, Masters of Evil Collectible 6-Inch Action Figure 3-Pack (Amazon Exclusive)

By: STAR WARS

Pete's Expert Summary

My human has presented me with a box containing three plastic dolls, or "action figures" as they call them. They are apparently famous villains from some space opera, meant to be posed and stared at on a shelf—a shelf that, I might add, is prime real estate for observing birds. I see a tall, dark one that looks like he'd be terrible at sneaking up on anything, a skeletal robot with far too many arms for proper grooming, and a blue-skinned fellow with an unnervingly calm demeanor. They come with little plastic bits that are undoubtedly destined to be lost under the couch. Frankly, their appeal is entirely lost on me; they lack a crinkle, a feather, or the tantalizing scent of catnip. This appears to be a classic human folly: acquiring things to *look at* instead of things to *chase*.

Key Features

  • ICONIC STAR WARS VILLAINS: From Sith Lords to military strategists, these evil masterminds served to squash sparks of rebellion and counteract the light side of the Force
  • INCLUDES 3 CLASSIC CHARACTERS: This set includes action figures of Darth Vader, Grand Admiral Thrawn, and General Grievous -- all formidable foes throughout Star Wars lore
  • PREMIUM DESIGN AND ARTICULATION: Star Wars fans and collectors can display these 6 inch figures (15 cm) -- featuring premium deco and design, as well as multiple articulation points -- in their collections
  • ENTERTAINMENT-INSPIRED ACCESSORIES: This 3-pack comes with a total of 7 accessories for dynamic poseability -- a great gift for collectors and fans ages 4 and up
  • INDIVIDUAL CARDBACKS: Display Star Wars fandom on your shelf with individual dark side-inspired cardbacks
  • BUILD OUT YOUR DARK SIDE COLLECTION: Look for more Black Series Star Wars action figures to recreate your favorite scenes from the Star Wars franchise on your shelf (Each sold separately. Subject to availability)

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The cardboard sarcophagus was opened with a reverence usually reserved for the can of wet food I get on my birthday. From it, my human extracted the three interlopers. The wheezing one in black and the clanking bag of bones were predictable. I dismissed them with a flick of my ear. But the third one… the blue one… he was different. My human placed him on the bookshelf, my favorite afternoon napping spot, and angled his head just so. His molded plastic face was a mask of cold calculation, and his piercing red eyes seemed to follow me as I performed my customary pre-nap circling. For days, a silent war was waged. I would leap onto the shelf, intending to settle into the warm patch of sun, only to find myself under his unnerving gaze. He was Grand Admiral Thrawn, my human had said, a master strategist. I could feel it. He was analyzing my every move. The way I kneaded the blanket was not a sign of contentment, but a tactical display of my formidable claws. The slight twitch of my tail was not an idle motion, but a signal of my intent. I was no longer merely a cat napping; I was a creature being perpetually out-maneuvered by a six-inch piece of plastic. I began my own campaign of psychological warfare. I would sit just out of his line of sight, purring with an intensity that bordered on threatening. I’d casually "discover" a loose thread on the rug right below his position, batting at it with a ferocity that was clearly a message. One afternoon, I executed a flawless maneuver, nudging one of his tiny, silver accessories with my nose until it tumbled into the abyss between the bookshelf and the wall. A small victory, but he remained unmoved, his placid, blue face a testament to his unbreakable resolve. Finally, I accepted the truth. This was not a toy to be batted or chewed. This was an adversary. He had claimed the shelf not through force, but through sheer, immovable presence. He provided a challenge my other toys could not: a battle of wits. I gave him a slow, deliberate blink of grudging respect. He did not blink back. Very well, Admiral. The shelf is yours… for now. The human may see a collectible, but I see a worthy nemesis. This one is not for playing; it is for plotting. And for that, it is exquisite.
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LEGO Star Wars Brick-Built Star Wars Logo - Building Blocks for Adults 18+ - Gift for Fathers Day - Collectible DIY Model Kit - Home Decor Idea for Fans of The Movie Series - 75407

By: LEGO

Pete's Expert Summary

It seems my Human has acquired yet another box of tiny, colorful plastic rectangles he will obsessively click together for hours. The end result, from what I can gather, is not a thrilling, swooshable starship or a small, chewable alien, but a static monument to his favorite space opera—the logo itself. While the initial unpacking promises a glorious cascade of 700 potential floor-hockey pucks, which I admit has its appeal, the final product is destined to be a mere dust-collector. It's a motionless object designed to sit on a shelf, taking up valuable real estate that could be better utilized for, say, me. An utter waste of a perfectly good nap spot, if you ask me.

Key Features

  • BUILD AN ICON – Showcase your fandom and build the ultimate Star Wars display with the LEGO Brick-Built Star Wars Logo (75407) model kit for adults
  • RELIVE THE MOVIE MAGIC – Spark nostalgic memories of thrilling Star Wars adventures with this striking 3D rendition of the classic logo
  • DISCOVER HIDDEN DETAILS – The instantly-recognizable Star Wars logo features classic LEGO greebling details in the black areas between the yellow letters, plus a little surprise in in the ‘T’ of Star Wars
  • STAR WARS ROOM DECOR – Display this buildable model kit on any flat surface in your home or office as an eye-catching centerpiece
  • COLLECTIBLE GIFT FOR ADULTS – Star Wars fans, LEGO Star Wars collectors, and pop culture enthusiasts 18+ will love to receive this unique DIY building kit
  • BRING THE GALAXY HOME – LEGO Star Wars Warships Collection collectible sets for adults(each sold separately) are designed for people who enjoy relaxing with hands-on creative activities
  • DIMENSIONS – This 700-piece buildable model measures over 5 in. (13 cm) high, 11.5 in. (30 cm) wide and 1 in. (3 cm) deep

A Tale from Pete the Cat

The evening was a symphony of small, satisfying clicks. My Human, hunched over the coffee table under a cone of lamplight, was deep in one of his strange construction rituals. I observed from my post on the back of the sofa, a gray and white king surveying my domain, feigning sleep but with one ear swiveled toward the sound. He was not building a vehicle I could later imagine stalking, nor a structure I could test for architectural integrity with a well-aimed shove. He was building… words. A pointless endeavor. When he was finished, he placed his creation upon the mantelpiece with a sigh of deep satisfaction. It was a jagged, yellow proclamation against a backdrop of textured blackness. STAR WARS. Later that night, long after the Human’s lumbering footsteps had retreated upstairs, I leaped silently onto the mantel for a closer inspection. It smelled of new plastic and his triumphant fingerprints. I ran a single, curious claw over the "greebling" he had been so proud of—the little inset textured bits. They offered a mildly interesting resistance, a landscape in miniature. The thing was too narrow to nap on comfortably, a true design flaw. I sat before it, my tail giving a slow, contemplative twitch. The Human saw a tribute to his cinematic myths. But as the moonlight slanted through the window, illuminating the sharp angles of the letters, I saw something else entirely. It was not a name. It was a command, a cosmic message left for the most intelligent being in the house. I squinted, deciphering the alien script. Of course. It wasn't "STAR WARS." It was a slightly misspelled directive: "STARE. WARN." A sacred duty, spelled out in plastic. My purpose was clear. This was not a toy to be batted or a perch to be claimed. It was an oracle. I was to sit before it and *stare* into the shadows of the living room, ever vigilant. I was to *warn* the slumbering Human of any infinitesimal shifts in the darkness—a dust bunny’s migration, the hum of the refrigerator, a distant siren. The "surprise in the 'T'," as the box called it, was merely a focal point for my meditative concentration. The Human, in his simple way, had accidentally built a shrine to my primary functions. It is not playable, but it is profound. It is worthy, not as a toy, but as a testament to my reign.
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