A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Spider-Man Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Lead Review · From: Marvel
Unarmed Plastic Operative Reassigned as Food Bowl Sentry
Pete determines the launcher-less Titan Hero Spider-Man is an unarmed scout, cheek-rubs him into territorial submission, and repositions him beside the food bowl as a silent plastic reminder of feline authority.

My human seems to believe my sophisticated intellect can be entertained by a large, plastic man-doll in a garish red and blue onesie. They call it "Spider-Man." It is, apparently, a "Titan Hero," though its heroism seems to consist entirely of standing still and looking vaguely athletic. I am told it has the potential to make noises and fire projectiles, a …

Continued on the story page →
Image of Marvel Titan Hero Series Spider-Man 12-Inch Action Figure with Fx Port
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★☆☆☆
His silence is his surrender.
More From The Desk
Image of Marvel Legends Maximum Series Spider-Man, Deluxe Spider-Man Comics Collectible 6-Inch Action Figure; Amazing Articulation; Spectacular Accessories
Marvel
Dangling Web Line Surgically Removed From Desk Lamp

My human, in his infinite and often misguided wisdom, has procured another plastic idol for his shelf-shrine. This one, a "Spider-Man," appears to be…

★★★☆☆
Image of Marvel Legends Series Spider-Man, Spider-Man 3 Collectible 6 Inch Action Figure with Symbiote Accessories
Marvel
Symbiote Heads Identified as Parasites, Removed for Treatment

So, The Human, in their infinite ignorance, has brought home another piece of plastic destined to gather dust on a high shelf. This one is from "Marv…

★★★★☆
Image of Jada Spider-Man Buggy RC with Non-Removable Spider-Man Figure – 7", Turbo Button, Full-Function Remote Control, Ages 6+, Red/Blue
Jada Toys
Turbo Buggy Intercepted by Single Well-Timed Paw Strike

My human seems to believe my sophisticated life of napping, grooming, and judging has a void that can only be filled by a loud, plastic ground-vehicl…

★★☆☆☆
Image of Lexibook Spider-Man - Educational and Bilingual Laptop Spanish/English - Toy for Child Kid (Boys & Girls) 124 Activities, Learn Play Games and Music with Spiderman - Red/Blue JC598SPi2
Tethered Fraud Mouse Exposes Laptop as Total Failure

So, the human has presented me with this... plastic clamshell. It pathetically mimics the warm, humming device they stare at all day, but this versio…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of Spider-Man Marvel Legends Series 60th Anniversary Amazing Fantasy 6-inch Classic Comics Action Figures for 4+ Years, 9 Accessories
Figure Ignored; Its Web-String Triumphantly Paraded Through Hall

My human has presented me with another plastic effigy for my consideration, this one a small man-doll in a garish red and blue suit they call a "Spid…

★★★☆☆
Image of Spider Toys for Boys Age 3-4 4-6 6-8 8-12, Kids Toy BowArrow Shooting Set with Red & Blue LED Lights, Spider Quiver & Web Target, 8 Suction Cup Arrows, Toys Gifts for 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 12 Year Old Boys
Suction Cup Arrows Deliver Premium Targets to the Glass Door

So, the Staff has presented me with another gaudy plastic contraption, ostensibly for the loud, clumsy human kitten. From what I can gather through m…

★★★☆☆
Other Desks In This Section
⬆ Up a level
About Pete Printed daily, ignored nightly Privacy Policy