Pete's Expert Summary
So, my Human has presented me with what appears to be a large, plastic totem of some brightly-colored human insect. This "Spider-Man" figure from a brand called "Marvel" is, frankly, an aesthetic offense. At twelve inches, it's a sizable chunk of plastic, which has some potential for being knocked off high places for a satisfying clatter. However, its primary "feature"—a port for some sound-making, projectile-launching device—is a complete sham, as said device is not included. They're selling a promise, not a product. Without its noisy attachment, this is simply a stiff, oversized doll with no inherent playability. It doesn't crinkle, it isn't filled with catnip, and its primary function seems to be gathering dust and looking ridiculous. It's a potential victim for my gravitational experiments, but certainly not a "toy" worthy of my sophisticated palate.
Key Features
- 12-Inch scale Spider-Man figure – Imagine Peter Parker suiting up as the friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man with this 12-inch-scale Spider-Man figure, inspired by the classic character design from the Marvel Comics.
- Talking Super hero action figure – connect projectile launcher (not included. Sold separately with Titan hero blast figures.) to port on Spider-Man action figure’s back to activate sounds & phrases inspired by the Spider-Man Movie and fire projectiles!
- Spider-Man movie-inspired design – fans can imagine the web-slinging and wall-crawling Spidey adventures with this Spider-Man figure, inspired by the character from the Marvel comic books.
- Compatible with titan hero blast gear launcher (not included. Sold separately with Titan hero blast figures.) – connect to Titan hero series and Titan hero blast gear figures (each sold separately) for sound effects.
- Look for other Spidey Super hero toys - be on the lookout for other Spider-Man figures and gear to imagine the web-slinger swinging into action! Additional products each sold separately. Subject to availability.
A Tale from Pete the Cat
It appeared without warning, a silent, gaudy sentinel placed upon the Forbidden Credenza. I observed it from my vantage point on the velvet ottoman, my tail a slow, metronomic instrument of judgment. It was a man, yet not a man, clad in a suit of lurid red and blue, its face a blank mask with enormous white eyes. The Human called it "Spidey." I called it an Intruder. For two days, it stood there, unmoving, its plastic limbs frozen in a pose of absurd heroism while I conducted my surveillance. It did not hunt. It did not sleep. It merely *was*. On the third night, under the pale glow of a streetlamp filtering through the blinds, I decided the time for observation was over. A silent leap, a whisper of paws on polished wood, and I was face-to-face with the idol. It smelled of the factory and the box it came in, a sterile, chemical scent. I nudged its leg with my nose. Nothing. I batted at its stiff arm, which swung slightly with a dry, plastic squeak. Pathetic. Was this the pinnacle of human entertainment? A statue? My investigation led me to its back, where I discovered a peculiar, hollow socket—the "Fx Port," as the box had proclaimed. I sniffed it. It was an empty promise, a void. This thing was incomplete, a hollow shell pretending to be whole. A wave of profound disappointment, followed by a surge of righteous indignation, washed over me. This thing wasn't a toy; it was a monument to mediocrity. And it was occupying a perfectly good spot for supervising the living room. There was only one test left to administer. Bracing myself, I gave the figure a firm, deliberate shove with my head. It teetered for a moment on the precipice, a silent plea in its vacuous eyes. Then, it tumbled. The fall was brief but glorious, ending with a loud, sharp *CRACK* as it impacted the hardwood floor below. From upstairs, I heard the Human stir. "Pete? What was that?" Ah, satisfaction. The Intruder had finally done something interesting. As a plaything, it was a failure. But as an instrument for creating sudden, startling noises in the dead of night? For that purpose, and that purpose alone, it was a resounding success.
