A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Teddy Bear Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
MaoGoLan
Four-Foot Mountain Conquered, Summit Claimed as Watchtower
★★★★★
BSVOME
Hoodie Suspect Breaks Interrogator During Bunny-Kick
★★★☆☆
Aurora
Thorough Bunny-Kick Audit Ends in Reluctant Nap Beside It
★★★☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Jellycat
Refugee Bear Survives Battle, Crowned Royal Throne
Our critic pounces the Jellycat bear, bunny-kicks its torso, and finds it so yielding and warm that he renames it a throne and claims it as his personal tribute from London.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human, in a baffling display of consumerism, has acquired what appears to be a stationary, brown beast of medium stature. It is presented as a "Jellycat Bumbly Bear," a product from a London-based outfit known for its plush creations, which at least suggests a certain standard of quality. Its polyester coat might offer a decent texture for kneading, and …

Continued on the story page →
Image of Jellycat Bumbly Bear Stuffed Animal, Small 11 inches | Teddy Bear Plush Toy | Classic Children's Gift
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
Not a refugee. My throne.
From The Desk
Image of GUND Baby My First Teddy Bear, Ultra Soft Animal Plush Toy for Babies and Newborns, Tan, 10”
GUND
Veteran Bear Spared De-Ribboning, Assigned to Serve

My human, in their infinite and often baffling wisdom, has presented a classic effigy for my review. This object, a "My First Teddy Bear" by a brand named GUND, appears to be a ru…

★★★☆☆ — Not my enemy. It would serve.
More From The Desk
Image of GUND Philbin Classic Teddy Bear, Premium Stuffed Animal for Ages 1 and Up, Chocolate Brown, 12”
GUND
Warmth Stored in Premium Fur Ends Month-Long Cold War

My human has procured a GUND Philbin Teddy Bear, a plush effigy of a brown bear, purportedly for my amusement. The brand, GUND, boasts a long history…

★★★★☆
Image of BenBen Teddy Bear Stuffed Animal, 20 inch Brown Stuffed Teddy Bear Plush Toy, Soft Plushies Gifts for Baby Shower, Easter Decorations
BenBen
Floppy Oaf Promoted From Usurper to Butler

Ah, another offering for my consideration. Let's see. My human has presented me with this... "BenBen Teddy Bear." It appears to be a large, brown, pl…

★★★★☆
Image of Wgxzyq Teddy Bear Stuffed Animal, 12inch Teddy Bear Plush Toy, Birthday Valentine's Day Xmas Gifts for Kids Boys Girls Friends (B-Light Brown)
Wgxzyq
Royal Cushion Claimed in Sunbeam-Eviction Backfire

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has procured this... thing. A "Wgxzyq" Teddy Bear. Frankly, the brand name sounds like the re…

★★★☆☆
Image of Gwxqybfe 10inch Teddy Bear Stuffed Animal, Soft Teddy Bear Plushie Toys, Birthday Christmas Valentine's Day Gifts for Kid Boys Girls (Brown)
Gwxqybfe
Silent Brown Lump Elevated to First Disciple

My Human, in a fit of what I can only assume was profound loneliness despite my constant, magnificent presence, has procured a plush effigy from a br…

★★★☆☆
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