A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Barney Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Funko
Static Plastic Idols Toppled; Smug Silence Finally Shattered
★★☆☆☆
Funko
Baby Bop Survives the Drop; Physics Validated, Fun Is Not
★★☆☆☆
KGNZUIZIU
Cardstock Council Collapses; The Purge Proceeds Efficiently
★★☆☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Franco
Purple Usurper Conquered, Demoted to Napping Dais
Our critic lands squarely on the plush dinosaur's torso, discovers a sublimely superior surface, and declares the smiling pillow a conquered vassal rather than a rival.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

So, my human has presented me with this... "Barney." It appears to be a large, plush effigy of a luridly purple dinosaur, a relic from their own kittenhood, I presume. The manufacturer, Franco, seems to deal in "bedding," which suggests a certain expertise in softness, a quality I find acceptable. Its primary function is listed as "cuddling," a role I have,…

Continued on the story page →
Image of Collectibles Barney Classic Bedding Super Soft Cozy Decorative Pillow, (Officially Licensed Product) By Franco
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
My throne now. It may remain.
From The Desk
Image of Worlds Smallest Barney Mini-Sized Purple Dinosaur Plush
World's Smallest
Tiny Dinosaur Loses Turf War Without a Single Paw Raised

It seems my human has fallen prey to a marketing scheme built on something called 'nostalgia.' This 'World's Smallest Barney' is a miniature plush effigy of some lurid purple beas…

★★☆☆☆ — A footnote. The bottle cap wins.
More From The Desk
Image of Funko Barney (Hug Time) + Pop Protector: Barney Retro Toys Pop! TV Vinyl Figure (Gift Set Bundled with ToyBop Brand Box Protector Collector Case - UV and Scratch-Resistant)
Funko
Plastic Prisoner Defies Gravity, Provides Zero Satisfaction

My human has acquired a small, purple creature with an unnervingly vacant smile, permanently encased in what they call a "deluxe ToyBop Brand Box Pro…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of Barney Birthday Cake Topper Set with Barney and Friends and Decorative Themed Accessories (Unique Design)
Cake Toppers
Hollow Purple Chief Skitters Under Cabinet, Earns Nothing

My Human seems to believe my life lacks a certain… festive quality. The evidence is this collection of cheap-looking plastic figures, apparently mean…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of Barney (Barney & Friends) Pack Sticker Decal Size 5"
CED Designs
Flat Purple Tyrant Haunts the Refrigerator Indefinitely

My human, in a fit of what can only be described as profound misunderstanding, has presented me with a sticker. Not a toy, mind you. A flat, adhesive…

★☆☆☆☆
Image of Barney Birthday Cake Toppr with Barney and Baby Bop (Unique Design)
Generic
Two-Dimensional Impostors Offer Zero Depth, Less Sport

My human, in a moment of questionable judgment, has presented me with what they seem to think is a plaything. It is, in fact, a set of two-dimensiona…

★☆☆☆☆
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