A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Sea Life Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
KarberDark
The Cownose Ray Sails, Earns Its Sovereignty
★★★☆☆
HAFUZIYN
Stingray's Surprising Skitter Redeems a Cheap Invasion
★★★☆☆
Pup Go
Blasphemous Name, Acceptable Interdimensional Séance
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Funcorn Toys
Fifty-Two Plastic Pawns Mobilized by Dawn
Our critic dismisses the vinyl sea menagerie as cheap factory refuse until midnight reveals their true purpose as infantry in an elaborate living-room campaign.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

My human seems to have mistaken a bulk order from some plastic-molding factory for a curated collection of fine feline amusements. This is, in essence, a bag of 52 small, hard, vinyl sea creatures clearly intended for the bathwater and cake frosting of small, sticky humans. While the sheer quantity is notable—one could, in theory, spend an entire afternoon …

Continued on the story page →
Image of Funcorn Toys Ocean Sea Animal, 52 Pack Assorted Mini Vinyl Plastic Animal Toy Set, Realistic Under The Sea Life Figure Bath Toy for Child Educational Party Cake Cupcake Topper,Valentines Day Gift
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Worthless alone, priceless as an army.
From The Desk
Image of 50pcs Ocean Animal Stickers for Water Bottles, Waterproof Adhesive Fish Decals Under The Sea Marine Life Stickers Ocean Stickers for Kids for Birthday Party Scrapbook Skateboard Phone Laptop
aoinqx
Lionfish King Dethroned by a Single Decisive Claw

So, my human seems to believe that my life, a masterpiece of curated leisure, could be improved by… adhesive pictures. This "aoinqx" brand has provided a packet of fifty flat, sil…

★★★☆☆ — War won. Vigilance required.
More From The Desk
Image of Terra by Battat - 60 Pcs Ocean Animal Figurines - Plastic Mini Sea Animal Toys - Sharks, Dolphins, Penguins, Turtles, Crabs, Starfish & More for Kids and Toddlers 3 Years +
Terra by Battat
Sixty Clones, One Afternoon of Glorious Sorting

My human, in a fit of what I can only assume was profound boredom, has acquired a tube of plastic sea refuse from a brand called Terra by Battat. The…

★★★☆☆
Image of Squishmallows Original 7-Inch Sealife Box Set – Forina Green Spotted Jellyfish, Kai Orca Whale, Laslow Blue Marbled Beluga, Lorono Red Lobster – Official Jazwares Plush (Little)
Squishmallows
Four Lying Credentials, One Transcendent Chin-Rest

My human has presented me with a box of what appear to be miniaturized, absurdly soft sea creatures. The box calls them "Squishmallows," a name that …

★★★★★
Image of LINAYE 24 Sheets Ocean Stickers with Under The Sea Scenes, Make Your Own Sea Life Animal Fish Stickers, Ocean Summer Crafts Activities for Kids
LINAYE
The Real Toy Was the Discarded Backing All Along

My human presented me with these... "stickers." From what I can gather, they are two-dimensional, static images of lesser sea creatures, meant for th…

★★★★☆
Image of Aowplc 100 Pcs Ocean Animal Stickers, Waterproof Vinyl Sea Life Sticker Pack
Aowplc
Vinyl Colonists Signal Suspicious New Allegiances

So, my human has presented me with a packet of "Aowplc" brand stickers, a name that sounds like the noise one makes when coughing up a hairball. Thes…

★★☆☆☆
Other Desks In This Section
⬆ Up a level
About Pete Printed daily, ignored nightly Privacy Policy