Pete's Expert Summary
My human has brought home a box of flattened, oddly-shaped wood pulp, apparently called a "jigsaw puzzle." The brand name, "Masterpieces," is laughably arrogant for something that arrives in a state of deliberate destruction. The purpose, it seems, is for slow-witted bipeds to painstakingly reassemble a chaotic picture of a loud, dog-infested "Summer Celebration." Utterly tedious. However, my analysis of the specifications reveals a silver lining. The pieces are described as "EXTRA LARGE" and "EZ Grip." This translates from human-speak into "perfectly sized for batting across a hardwood floor" and "delightfully chunky for sinking a claw into." While the final image is an offense to my minimalist aesthetic, the individual components show immense promise for disrupting an afternoon nap in the most satisfying way possible. The soy-based ink is a minor curiosity; perhaps it pairs well with floor dust.
Key Features
- EXTRA LARGE PIECES: Our EZ Grip jigsaw puzzles feature oversized, thicker pieces for easy pick up and manipulation; thoughtfully crafted with small children and seniors in mind; designed to be both fun and mentally stimulating; help with relaxation; boost problem solving skills; great social activity with family and friends
- UNIQUE SHAPES: Puzzle features 300 pieces in a variety of cuts ensuring a challenge; interlocking pieces snap together for a secure fit; anti-glare matte finish reduces eye strain; a vibrant, full-color poster is included to reference as you piece it together
- ENVIRONMENTALLY RESPONSIBLE: Our puzzles are made from 100% recycled material and non-toxic soy-based inks
- ENTERTAINMENT FOR ALL: MasterPieces’ collection offers the perfect way to keep game night fun; select from jigsaw puzzles for adults, seniors, and kids; unique decks of playing cards, board games, dominoes, crafting kits, and more
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The box landed on the dining room table—my auxiliary napping dais—with a thud that disturbed my morning slumber. I opened one green eye, saw the garish illustration of a red truck and some sort of exploding sky-flowers, and promptly closed it again. Another monument to human boredom. My human, however, proceeded to commit a truly glorious act: she opened the box and unleashed a cascade of a hundred tiny, clattering promises onto the smooth, polished wood. The sound was like a thousand captured moths being released at once. I was on my feet in an instant, my gray tuxedo immaculate as I leaped silently onto a chair for a better view. The pieces were, as advertised, magnificent. Thick, sturdy, with a matte finish that felt pleasingly smooth under my paw pads. They weren't the flimsy, glossy refuse I’d seen before. These had heft. My human began her slow, pointless ritual of turning them all picture-side up. I watched, feigning disinterest, my tail giving only a slight, analytical twitch. My gaze settled on one particular piece. It was a corner, a deep blue slice of sky with a tiny, insolent wisp of a firework. It was an outsider, a loner, just like me. It was perfect. While she was distracted by a piece with a sliver of dog fur on it (the horror), I made my move. A single, fluid extension of my paw. I didn't swat, that's for amateurs. I nudged. The chosen piece slid with the grace of a skater on ice, traveling silently toward the precipice of the table's edge. It teetered there for a heart-stopping moment, a perfect tableau of defiance against the tyranny of the larger picture. My human looked up, her eyes widening as she realized my intent. But it was too late. With a final, delicate tap, I sent my prize sailing into the dark abyss beneath the china cabinet. Her sigh was the sound of my victory. She can have her "Summer Celebration." She can spend the next week on her hands and knees, lamenting the one, crucial void in her masterpiece. I, however, have what I came for. Down in the cool darkness, my perfect, blue piece of captured sky awaits. Masterpieces, indeed. They had unknowingly created the single finest toy I’ve been gifted all year. They just don't know how to play with it properly.
