Pete's Expert Summary
It appears my human has acquired a towering plastic contraption designed to merge two of their lesser pastimes: throwing things and making lines. They hurl undersized, bouncy orange orbs at a noisy, light-up grid in a desperate attempt to achieve some sort of glowing, four-in-a-row victory. While the frantic human activity is mostly a bore, the small, roll-away spheres have potential as high-quality prey once they inevitably escape the containment ramp. The structure itself is an eyesore that occupies valuable sunbeam territory, but the lower fabric ramp might, *might*, make for an acceptable napping hammock if the infernal beeping ever ceases. It's a gamble, really.
Key Features
- CONNECT FOUR MEETS INDOOR BASKETBALL - Challenge friends and family to an action-packed mashup of two classic games—Connect4 and indoor basketball—arcade game style. Go head-to-head and shot-for-shot with your opponent. First to score 4 in a row WINS.
- ELECTRONIC LED CONNECT 4 SCORING - Automatically tracks action going into the basketball hoop as you take turns draining shots, adding an extra layer of excitement to every game.
- SET INCLUDES - (1) Connect4 Hoops arcade machine (4) mini basketballs and (1) set of inflation pump and needle; everything you need to bring this basketball game to life. A great addition to the game room, rec room or man cave.
- FOLDS UP FOR COMPACT STORAGE - Arcade machines for home don't have to sacrifice all your space. With this, you can enjoy its full-size arcade size and then simply fold up the basketball return for convenient, compact storage when not in use.
- ASSEMBLED DIMENSIONS - 64in (H) x 62.5in (L) x 29.5in (W)
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The construction took the better part of an afternoon, a cacophony of clicking plastic and frustrated human muttering that disturbed my nap in the den. When the noise finally subsided, I emerged to find a new god had been erected in the living room. It was a skeletal beast of black poles and netting, with a great, vacant grid for a face. My human and his companion stood before it, holding the small, orange offerings. They began the ritual, throwing the orbs with whoops and groans. With each successful offering that passed through the hoop, the altar would sing with a cheap electronic chime and one of its eyes would light up, red or yellow. It was a bizarre and frankly noisy spectacle. I watched from the arm of the sofa, unimpressed, until the inevitable happened. An errant throw sent one of the orange spheres bouncing wildly off the wall, skittering under the coffee table. The humans, too engrossed in their strange worship, didn't notice. But I did. This was no mere offering; this was an escapee. I dropped silently to the floor, my body low, and stalked it. The sphere had a curious, pebbled texture beneath my paw, and it yielded with a satisfying squish when I applied my full weight. It was, I had to admit, a rather well-made thing for something designed to be thrown by oafs. My hunt led me to the base of the altar itself. Ignoring the distracting lights and sounds, I investigated the long, sloped ramp of blue fabric designed to return the offerings to the throwers. It was an intriguing structure. With a single, fluid leap, I landed upon it. The angle was perfect, a gentle slide that deposited me neatly at the base. It was a personal, silent amusement ride. I trotted back to the high end and slid down again, a ghost enjoying a secret feature of the garish temple. The humans continued their game, oblivious to my discovery. Let them have their noisy ritual. Let them celebrate their glowing lines and hollow victories. I have discovered the machine’s true purpose. The small orange spheres make for stimulating, if simple, prey. And the ramp… the ramp is a bespoke slide, a piece of architectural brilliance designed for the quiet, repeated amusement of a sophisticated feline. The altar is a failure as a deity, but as a private amusement park, it has earned a temporary stay of execution.
