My human seems to believe my input is required for a contraption called "Yahtzee." It appears to be a human ritual involving a noisy red cup and five small, spotted cubes. The primary appeal, from my sophisticated standpoint, lies in these cubes. They are perfectly sized for batting across a hardwood floor and, more importantly, for disappearing under heavy furniture, a pastime that provides me with endless satisfaction as I watch the large ones struggle to retrieve them. The rattling cup has some potential as a percussive instrument when knocked from a great height, but the accompanying stack of flimsy paper is merely a pre-shredded bed. Overall, it’s not a dedicated plaything, but its components offer a promising opportunity for high-level chaos and disruption of human activity.
The air in the living room, usually thick with the comfortable scent of my own magnificent fur and sun-warmed cushions, was suddenly pierced by a sharp, rhythmic rattling. It was an offensive sound, like a thousand trapped cicadas, and it originated from a garish red cylinder in The Provider's hand. She was performing a strange ritual, shaking the object with a focused intensity usually reserved for opening a can of my favorite tuna. I lifted my head from the arm of the velvet chaise, my nap rudely interrupted, and narrowed my eyes. This was not for me, I deduced, but it was happening in *my* space, which made it my business.
I observed from my throne as the contents of the red prison were spilled onto the low table. Five small, white blocks, speckled with black dots, clattered across the wood grain. They did not scurry. They did not squeak. They lay there, inert and pathetic. My human and her guest began shouting numbers and scribbling on thin sheets of paper, their faces contorted in what I could only assume was a display of primitive intellectual struggle. I yawned, a delicate and dismissive gesture. This was dreadfully boring. One of the cubes, however, had rolled away from its brethren, coming to a stop near the table’s edge, a lone soldier abandoned by its platoon.
With the silent grace befitting my station, I hopped down and sauntered over. The humans were too engrossed in their shaking and shouting to notice my approach. I placed a single, perfectly manicured paw on the errant cube. It felt cool and smooth. I gave it a gentle, exploratory nudge. It tumbled off the edge, landing with a soft *thump* on the rug below. Before either human could react, I executed a perfect pounce-and-scoop maneuver, hooking the cube and flinging it with practiced ease directly under the heaviest part of the sofa. A collective groan rose from the table. Ah, I see now. Their game is a clumsy prequel. The *real* challenge is the one I have just initiated: Tribute to the Under-Sofa Void. I began to purr, a low rumble of victory. The dice, I concluded, were acceptable. The game itself was merely the delivery system.
Exhibit A — the specimen
The Particulars
—Dice-rollin' battle game
—Includes 5 dice and shaker
—Yahtzee comes with 100 score cards
—Shaker doubles as a storage case
—Great family fun
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
The dice are an acceptable delivery system.
Classified
Acquire This Trinket
Should you insist. Pete is unbothered either way.
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Filed under: Yahtzee
